(Closed) Guest List Slasher Flick! How should it end???

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Personally, I drew the line at people we actually spend time with and enjoy…so unfortunately, some family didn’t make the cut…For example, I have tons of cousins I never see or talk to…why should they be invited over very dear friends who I love and see on a regular basis?

I basically thought of it like this: Who supports us, loves us, and will truly be happy to see us wed? Who will support us in our marriage? If we don’t talk to the person, they are NOT on the list.

As far as feeling like you have to return invites to people who invited you…well it was their choice to have a large soiree and it’s yours to keep your wedding more intimate:)

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I love Kate169’s way of evaluating! For us, that meant more family and our small, tight group of friends. Fiance is inviting his partner at work (they rode around on an ambulance together for years, so they’re close), but other than that, we’re not inviting co-workers.

You definitely don’t have to invite people who invited you to their wedding. Relationships and circumstances change over the years.

I love the title, btw :).

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.tobe: Just saw your reply, sorry, I type slow :). When people say [rude] things like that, just tell them you’re not sure if you’ll be able to invite them because you want it to be mostly family (whether or not that’s true). If it’s family doing it, just tell them you’re going to have a limited budget and thus a limited guest list.

Post # 8
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.tobe: My rule is that if you don’t talk to them for a month, they don’t get an invite. We were trying to cut our guest list, and Fiance was clinging to this guy who he’s talked to once in the three years we’ve been together. I finally convinced him to cut him.

I would honestly look back through your facebook messages and e-mail. If you can go a month without talking to someone, they’re probably not that large of a part in your life anymore.

Post # 10
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I had an awkward moment with a friend when he realized he wasn’t invited.  We were close in the past (had lunch together, etc.) but literally had not hung out outside of school in over a year.  If we live in the same town and didn’t see each other socially for 14 months, I can’t imagine us staying in touch long-term.  Especially if/when we move away (which Fiance and I are doing after we graduate).  This friend was definitely on my maybe list, but I made a joke about how awkward it was that he was asking me, and then said honestly, “We’re keeping it somewhat small for budget and intimacy reasons, and while I’d love to celebrate with you, we had to make cuts.  I’m sorry.”

It was definitely awkward, but he doesn’t hate me or anything.

Post # 11
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

In follow-up, I’d advise making clear lines.  We didn’t know exactly where our list would end up (between 100-150) until we made it, because there several different groups of people or tiers of friends.  You can’t really cut across tiers just to fit a certain total, but our list makes total sense, and people who aren’t invited understand when they see who is.  E.g. the six people in my class I hang out with alone and frequently, not the next ten who I’ve only hung out with in group situations and see more rarely.  Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Mrs.tobe: Yeah…that part is awkward…when they come up to you wanting to know where their invite is lol. I try to avoid the topic and just say “Oh they haven’t been mailed” or “We’re just doing something small and intimate”.

Post # 14
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Mrs.tobe: Thanks, it was absurdly awkward, but so be it.  The worst part is that he’s such a sweet guy, and now, five months after we sent save the dates, I’d love to uninvite about 5 other people and add him instead.  Alas.

Post # 15
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What if you are close with all of your family except for 2 cousins (who happen to be brother and sister) Would it be rude if I invited all of my cousins, except these two? I think it would upset their parents (my aunt and uncle) But both of these cousins have SO’s that I have never met and would have to invite as well. They live a plane ride away, so maybe I’ll invite them but cross my fingers they don’t show. I would love to put them on the B list, but my aunt and uncle are on the A list and it might be obvious if they all live in the same city and get their invites and different times.

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