- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Freaking out about the guest list for my July 28 wedding. Here’s what we’re dealing with, in list form:
1. Our ceremony venue has a fire marshal cap of 200.
2. Our reception venue has a marshal cap of 220.
3. Although that means we can physically fit 200 people, my parents, who are paying for almost all of the reception (fiance and I are covering what they don’t), like to point out that “just because we can doesn’t mean we need to.”
4. Paying for catering for 200 will cost so much that I see their point.
5. I have a big family, as does my fiance. Just aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, siblings, and siblings’ kids = 130 people.
6. I have a large number of people I would consider close friends. I’ve always been the person who has 3 or 4 “best friends” in a given life period (high school, college, grad school) rather than just 1.
7. Groom is more of a 1-best-friend kind of guy, but his parents have always prided themselves on being hosts to the neighborhood. They want to invite a handful of friends my fiance doesn’t know, and my mom wants to invite a few of her coworkers as well.
All of this has contributed to the fact that as of now, as we prepare to send out save the dates, our guest list has 228 people on it. He just heard from his mom that she wants to invite a few more of her friends. My mom will probably want to invite a few more coworkers, too.
About 100 of those are my fiance’s, and about 128 of them are mine. Even when we assign probability of attendance as our planners suggested, we project 203 attendees – people seem super excited about attending, which is nice but also scary.
I am feeling unbelievably stressed out for a number of reasons:
1. My parents are putting pressure on me to invite fewer friends, even though I’ve shaved the list absolutely to my closest – people I would be extremely sad not to invite, and who would be extremely hurt not to be invited. I had said at the outset of planning that I was willing to book any venue and do any catering price point that allowed us all to invite whoever we wanted to be there, but my parents and fiance were strongly in favor of a traditional, formal ceremony and reception.
2. Since my parents are paying for the catering and hosting the reception, I feel like they should have room to invite some friends and coworkers. But there’s not much left.
3. My list currently has more people on it than my fiance’s, although his includes every one of his close friends, family, and coworkers. This makes me feel guilty about wanting to resist his mother’s inviting people he doesn’t know. I want her to enjoy our wedding!
4. At the same time, it seems unfair to consider giving up my truly close friends on the guest list so that my fiance’s “side” can bring on people who are friends with his parents, but not him.
Here are the uncomfortable questions raised by all this: should we just invite everyone and hope for the best? Should we order our parents not to invite friends we don’t know? If we do have a little room, should my fiance’s parents get preference because they’ve invited fewer than 50% so far, or should my parents get it because they’re the ones paying? Should I cut off a few of my friends, all of whom will be hurt, to appease my parents and my fiance’s?
I feel like every action I can take here makes me a bridezilla. Does anyone else feel like that word “bridezilla” is one people use when they want you to have their wedding their way and feel put out that you disagree? Sigh