(Closed) Guest List Sucks!

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

i wanted a western style wedding for just about 200, then it turned into 300…then 400…now we’re standing in at 430..so we toss our american family tradition out the window and doing a more vietnamese/chinese wedding reception.  Cuz to be honest, i couldn’t afford to feed them!!  Its turning out to be a good decision, because now we can include the kids too!  We’re just making lemonade out of lemons.  We’ve embraced it so to speak.

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I don’t know any of the traditions, but I do know you sound way ticked off. I don’t think that how people you don’t know feel about not being invited should have anything to do with it.

This isn’t a social call, it’s a happy moment shared with your friends and family. The people you are closest too and what to share this day with. Not a bunch of strangers.

I think you just have to put your foot down, you know? Be understanding but firm, this is your day and you don’t want to have to possibly boot good friends and people you do know, to share your day with people you don’t know. 

Post # 5
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I think having a Cambodian wedding too could be a good idea.  Also, if your parents are paying for your wedding, you may need to consider their list a bit more, but if you’re paying, you have every right to tell you dad that there isn’t room/money to invite all of his friends. Are you including family in your 170 person list? We are aiming for around 150 guests (inviting about 180) and let each side of parents invite 10-12 couples that are friends.   In the end, our list was 60 for us, and 60 for each side of parents (both family and friends).

Post # 6
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I feel you. I just finished my guest list before signing on tonight and the fi and i are at 85 and that’s not including my parents friends and family! We are trying to keep it under 100 (hopefully 75-80). I got the catering bid and there’s just no way we can afford more than 100 people.

I would strongly suggest the 2nd reception idea to your folks. Especially if you are paying for the wedding yourself. 

Post # 8
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well, if your mom and dad want to throw a big party for all their friends that is their decision, and I think you should let them!  Its good of you to worry about whether they can afford it, but I assume they are not old enough that you need to treat them like children just yet. 

I don’t know much about Cambodian traditions, but I have a HUGE farm family, and my mom works at the high school so she knows everybody in town.  We are limiting the wedding to family, our friends, and a few close friends of hers that we actually (or I actually, Fiance reminds me) know.  She will probably have a big open house a few weeks afterwards for everybody else and their dog, which is pretty common in our area.  That way everybody who, quite frankly, we can’t afford to have at the reception does get to stop by and say congrats, have a few cookies and some punch, and hang out for a while.

Post # 10
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We’re going through the same thing. We’re paying for our wedding, but having another reception in HK for the friends/family of my future inlaws and as of last night, my mom wants to a third reception for all the new york people that I am not "allowing" them to invite. Apparently my parent’s friends are offended that they have not been invited.

The two solutions my parents are offering is to hold a third reception or they offered to pay for every additional guest they want to invite. The second option will not sit well with my future in laws, since it makes my parents seem as if they are not willing to help pay for their daughter’s wedding, but are willing to pay for only their guests.

Sorry, I’m not really offering any advice. Just venting and commiserating with your problem right now…

Post # 12
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

yeah, i’m paying for my whole wedding and my parents actually have 10 tables for our chinese banquet – half i know, half i don’t know. i think if you have a maximum and you absolutely have to invite all of those 170 people (fi and i had to look at our list and decide who we HAD to invite, vs, I want to invite.) then i think you should have a Cambodian wedding. if you do that, everyone will be happy.

Post # 13
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I am so sorry NorcCalBride, I assure you the worst part is always the guest list.  Out of curiousity, what is the maximum capacity for your venue?  For my Fiance and I, we booked a venue that had a max capacity of 170, that way my parents couldn’t go over and the list would be more manageable.  After many tears, arguments, and "talks" that were more like shouting matches, we are now at about 130 total guests which I am ECSTATIC about!  We had always wanted an intimate wedding and were anticipating about 150, but now that it is below that, we couldn’t be happier that we don’t have to sell our kidneys to fund it.

It’s a tough one to approach your parents about it especially if they use the whole idea of tradition on you, but all is not yet lost.  If you are honest with them now about it before the invites go out, there may still be hope, but if you wait, I’m afraid it may be too late.  Also, having 2 receptions is not a bad idea IF you can have your parents help fund it.  It’s a tough place to be to have to ask your parents for money, but you only have what you have and I strongly suggest NOT going into debt for your wedding.

Best of luck and keep us posted!

Post # 14
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m Cambodian too and I’m not doing the Cambodian wedding, despite how my mom feels about it.  I think you just need to sit them down and really explain your concerns, especially since you are paying for it.  I completely understand what you mean in that your parents don’t want to be rude, as my mom always wants to "save face."  In the end though, this day is about you celebrating the both of you and the love you share for one another.  If they are willing to pay for the Cambodian wedding then that is a different story.  Also, is your fiance Cambodian as well?  My fiance is Caucasian and he was more willing to do the Cambodian wedding than I was, haha!  After deciding that having a local wedding was adding up with our guest list count and realizing it would not meet our expectatns, we decided to follow my sister and have a destination wedding.  Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hey NorCalBride!  I have been searching for this post and glad to see you posted about your dress which led to this!  I think my mom was a little bit disappointed but she’s happy to go on another vacation!  So how did it go with your parents this past weekend? 

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