Guest list too large…

posted 2 years ago in Guests
  • poll: What do you do with those 30+ guests?

    Invite to ceremony and dance

    Invite to everything

    Invite to nothing

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1387 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is his mother paying for your wedding? Why does she get to invite so many people you don’t even know?

    Post # 3
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    That’s a tough one. I was at a wedding in a small town once where about 20 people were invited to the “dance” only. They showed up around 8 pm I think but since things had fallen behind in schedule when they arrived there were still speeches/dessert going on- so they literally just stood against the side of the wall- since they didn’t have a designated seat. Also, they were all dressed in casual clothes (some in camo actually- ha ha). I found it SUPER uncomfortable and awkward but everyone else (namely the people from the small town) seemed to think it was normal. I would say if you want to invite additional people do it for the dance only, not the ceremony + the dance—- that’s just weird. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t want to agree to this either.

    What does your Fiance think? Is MIL’s request normal for that area?

    You said the numbers are already too high, and there are certain people you “aren’t keen” on showing up.

    The best way to avoid seeing people you don’t want to see at your event is to NOT INVITE THEM.

    Don’t invite people you dislike and pray they don’t appear! 

    I certainly wouldn’t appreciate a wedding invite to a couple I don’t know. Who wants to watch strangers get married? Who wants to struggle with “Do I buy them a gift or not?” for strangers?

    I definitely wouldn’t appreciate an invite to the wedding + dance, but no invite to the reception. That’s very rude where I am from.

    Post # 5
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I think the ceremony + dance is rude.  I would say just dance or nothing.  To be honest if they are people they rent land from and hired hands they probably don’t care about your ceremony since they don’t know you so I would go with nothing or just the dance.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1360 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

    I think you should let her know in the nicest way possible (or let your Fiance know and he can convey the message) that you were really envisioning someting smaller even though she’s paying for them. It still means other costs for you, such as stationary, table decorations, favors, etc. We are having a large Indian wedding and even though my parents are paying for the main cost per guest, we had to have a serious conversation about limiting additional guests to the ones who were absolutely necessary.

    If nothing else, you can always use the “more tables won’t fit!” excuse lol.

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