Post # 1
I am marrying a farmer and We are having our wedding on his farm yard where he is grew up. This is in his hometown and im from about two hours away. Both of our parents are paying for their guests at the wedding. My side we are only inviting my immediate family, and first cousins. Where as my mother in law (grooms mother) is inviting all of her cousins and their kids and so on. Needless to say our invite list is up to 300+ and we feel like we personally don’t even know 75 of the people coming.
It is very common in our town, that you do the wedding dance a open welcome to the town. Where as we are not since the numbers are way too high as it is and few certain people we aren’t too keen on them showing up.
Now my mother in law has another list that is about 30 people she wants to invite just to the ceremony and dance. These are more locals that they rent land from or hired men or so on. I am refusing to do that as I find that’s very rude. Either invite to everything or strictly the dance. I don’t want those guests to be in an awkward position when talking to others and realizing there didn’t make the cut for dinner but 300+ others did.
How do I get her to understand? She is paying for it so do I let her do it?
Post # 2
Is his mother paying for your wedding? Why does she get to invite so many people you don’t even know?
Post # 3
That’s a tough one. I was at a wedding in a small town once where about 20 people were invited to the “dance” only. They showed up around 8 pm I think but since things had fallen behind in schedule when they arrived there were still speeches/dessert going on- so they literally just stood against the side of the wall- since they didn’t have a designated seat. Also, they were all dressed in casual clothes (some in camo actually- ha ha). I found it SUPER uncomfortable and awkward but everyone else (namely the people from the small town) seemed to think it was normal. I would say if you want to invite additional people do it for the dance only, not the ceremony + the dance—- that’s just weird.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t want to agree to this either.
What does your Fiance think? Is MIL’s request normal for that area?
You said the numbers are already too high, and there are certain people you “aren’t keen” on showing up.
The best way to avoid seeing people you don’t want to see at your event is to NOT INVITE THEM.
Don’t invite people you dislike and pray they don’t appear!
I certainly wouldn’t appreciate a wedding invite to a couple I don’t know. Who wants to watch strangers get married? Who wants to struggle with “Do I buy them a gift or not?” for strangers?
I definitely wouldn’t appreciate an invite to the wedding + dance, but no invite to the reception. That’s very rude where I am from.
Post # 5
I think the ceremony + dance is rude. I would say just dance or nothing. To be honest if they are people they rent land from and hired hands they probably don’t care about your ceremony since they don’t know you so I would go with nothing or just the dance.
Post # 6
All the additional people are his moms cousins. I haven’t met about 65 of those people and I have been in this family for 4 years now. I feel over that course of time, If i haven’t made an effort to see them and vise versa, why would i want them at my wedding. I certainly don’t!
They are paying for all their guests that show up. Which I am very grateful for! they don’t need to do that by any means and are doing that. But I am footing the bill for decorations and cocktail hour and dessert which she now thinks these aren’t necessary.
I am personally so embarrassed inviting to the ceremony and dance and would hate for them to feel the need to bring a gift.
lol that is absolutely what this town is all about. People have been asking if we are doing wild meat for our dinner… they will all be so shocked when they see it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
I think you should let her know in the nicest way possible (or let your Fiance know and he can convey the message) that you were really envisioning someting smaller even though she’s paying for them. It still means other costs for you, such as stationary, table decorations, favors, etc. We are having a large Indian wedding and even though my parents are paying for the main cost per guest, we had to have a serious conversation about limiting additional guests to the ones who were absolutely necessary.
If nothing else, you can always use the “more tables won’t fit!” excuse lol.