(Closed) Guest List troubles

posted 6 years ago in Wisconsin
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

What would I do? I’d move on. Avoid him and move on. Oh, and invite him because it would be pretty immature to uninvite someone simply because he made a poor joke.

Post # 4
Member
47 posts
Newbee

eeek that’s such a tough one.. bottom line is, if you don’t invite him, chances are you’ll be offending her.. and if he’s not around forever, she still will be.. i say, put on the invite “+ guest” and not his name.. and hope that they break up before then.. or if they’re still together, that the issue has been resolved..

also, i don’t think you’re being immature.. the guy sounds like a .. i’m not sure i’m allowed to curse on here, but you can fill in the blank with whatever d-starting expletive you feel completes the sentence best.. 🙂 it doesn’t sound AT ALL like it was a joke.. if it was, he should apologize and explain that it was a joke.. sounds like he was being a jerk and was called out on it and doesn’t want to grow up and take responsibility for that..

another suggestion i have is talking to your Future Mother-In-Law.  if you have a good rel w her, tell her that you really don’t want people at your wedding that aren’t very close significant others and that they haven’t been together long enough and that considering the history between you 2, that you would appreciate it if she didn’t bring him, but that you didn’t want to upset her – its just that hell end up in all your pictures and then what if they break up?? you have to deal w looking at wedding pix for the rest of your life w/ some guy your Future Mother-In-Law decided to bring along that you couldn’t stand to begin with.. ugh..

Post # 6
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sadly, I think you’re going to have to be the one to keep the peace and just ignore him at the wedding. After the wedding you can deal with it if it’s still needed. The last think you want to happen is cause friction between yoursel and your future mother in law. It’s not worth it in the end. It’s a terrible situation to be in but you can’t let it affect your big day.

Post # 7
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Who is paying for the wedding?  If she isn’t helping pay for the wedding, then you can not invite.  Yes, it would be immature not to, but I understand how people are annoying.  Maybe he will come to terms with his rudenss by the time your wedding day comes around…….

Post # 8
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

In my mind you have 3 options… as he is the SO in your Fiance’s Mom’s life…

1- Invite your Fiance’s Mom, and him, sending out 2 seperate Invites, as per the traditional way of sending out Wedding Invites

Then take a BIG HUGE BREATH, and suck up the fact that he is most likely to come to the Wedding.  To be truthful, Weddings have always had such icky personal emmotional junk going on (one side of the family mad at the other, Divorced couples etc) … afterall these aren’t your friends, that you pick and choose, this is family, and junk like this is always part of the drama of having family.

To survive your day, just make a note to avoid him as much as possible… you’ll probably be so wrapped up in your Husband, and the other Guests and details (great friends, food, wine & dancing) that you won’t have to spend much time with the offensive fellow any how.

2- Send an Invite to your Fiance’s Mom and note on the front of it Plus Guest, not the traditional or correct way to address an Invite, but then the obligation of who is invited to come with her to the Wedding is her’s to make and not yours to do the Inviting

As someone else said, you can only hope and pray that she sees him for what he is before your Big Day, and drops him from her “Guest List” of someone she wants to share such a special day with in her life

3- Elope

The last is the ONLY WAY you can possibly get out of inviting your Fiance’s Mom to the Wedding

Sorry, I don’t have better news

You don’t have to like the guy, but out of respect to your Future Mother-In-Law you do have to be nice to him, even if he isn’t to you…  (such are the obligations of being a Wife / DIL)

PS… From now on if he says anything wacky or offensive, just try to tell yourself (not out-loud) that he is a ROYAL JERK… and that he just will continually prove that time and time again (leopards don’t change their spots).  Hopefully, your FMIL will see that and eventually dump him… and then when she says (and only if she initiates it) “Gosh I never knew what I saw in him” you can have a good chat about how glad you are she saw the light and has moved her life away from him, and onto looking for someone who is much more suited to the great person she is.

 

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