(Closed) Guest List ((UGH)). Help! ~POLL~

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who should be cut?
    Guest 1 : (3 votes)
    6 %
    Guest 2 : (12 votes)
    23 %
    Guest 3 : (10 votes)
    19 %
    Guest 4 : (19 votes)
    36 %
    Guest 5 : (9 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    47280 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    gijanedoe:  

    1. You can’t not invite your FMIL’s husband whether you like him or not.

    2. Are you inviting other sibling’s girlfriends or boyfriends?

    3, 4 and 5 – Are you inviting other nieces or nephews? Also, you can’t invite #4 without inviting his wife.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2000 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Yikes. I would not cut any of them. While you may not like your moms husband, she is in fact married to him and it would be kind of rude to slight your mom like that. She already knows you don’t like him and prob had trouble exception that. 

    Your brothers kids should go especially given the death, you want to keep family strong in these chances. Obviously life is short. And their sister are in the wedding…cutting any would be playing favorites.

    Unfortunately you can’t deny your brothera plus one just bc you don’t like her given they’ve been together for years. If their relationship was like a month old that’s different. 

     

    Have be you even gotten 100% attendance RSVP cards? Cause although 38 is a low number, I bet at least 3 can’t make it. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would not cut your FMIL’s husband or your brother’s girlfriend. FMIL’s husband is a no-brainer. I know he is horrible but it’s almost never okay to invite someone and not invite their spouse. Generally this is considered bad etiquette even if the person is horrible to you. Your brother’s girlfriend is a similar situation. If he has been dating her for several years, I would say it’s probably best to include her, especially since she is the serious partner of immediate family. If they aren’t living together, it’s not unreasonable to not invite her, but I wouldn’t want to open that can of worms if I were you. That being said, I would put all 3 nephews on the B list–that is, I would only invite them if I get enough no’s to allow for their inclusion. It’s not rude to put someone on the B list as long as they get their invitations in time to plan accordingly. Just don’t send them a save-the-date. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    12681 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Guest list should come before not after, choosing a venue. There is really no good or even acceptable way to cut most  of those people. Technically, however,  your brother’s Girlfriend is not a mandatory invitation unless they live together.

    On the other hand, FMIL’s husband is  a mandatory invitation, as are partners of anyone married,engaged, or living together. That would include your nephew’s wife. 

    Generally, the rule of thumb to avoid hurt feelings is to invite consistently within a family, so either no nieces and nephews or all of them. 

    Personally, I’d either go back to the drawing board for a venue or see if there is a way to make an exception for a few more people. 

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    840 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d say the 3 nephews since you only see them once per year. Im guessing you and your Fiance probably see your brother’s gf and FI’s mothers husband more. And they have the potential to cause more trouble as a result of not being invited. How would your FI’s mother feel if her husband wasn’t invited? Or your brother if his gf isn’t invited? Probably worse than any of the 3 nephews who probably don’t care anyway. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I would not cut any of these guests based on your descriptions.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6781 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    yeah sorry, I don’t see an appropriate way to cut any of them.  Maybe, maybe all the nephews but I think it would be hurtful to your siblings to have you do that.  You’d better either hope you’ve got a bunch of people who can’t come, find a new venue or see if your venue will stretch a little.

    Incidentally, does the 35 permissible include yourselves?

    Post # 10
    Member
    144 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Home

    Yikes! It doesn’t sound like you can cut any of them without hurting someone’s feelings or causing some drama. You need to invite FMIL’s husband since they are married and spouses should be issued invitations together. The same is true of brother’s Girlfriend (though she will probably be the best choice of all to not invite, it would still cause drama between you and a sibling.) As for the 3 nephews, you really should invite them if their sister is involved in the wedding. Either way, invite all of them or none of them. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I will echo that the wife of the nephew needs to be invited. I will also add that I can guarantee you will have at least 3 declines if not more and that people will no show the day of bc they get sick or have a flat tire or whatever. Even though you have a small guest list which means these are all people who would love to be there and will go no matter what, life does still happen. We had about 10 absolute yes in our mind guests rsvp no- pregnant, just had back surgery, baby born early etc. you are wasting your energy and brain cells stressing over this. Just invite them all! we freaked out about our guest list and cut and cut but I’m the end we had so many more declines than we thought we would end ended up opening to blist guests- we wish we didn’t waste the energy on this and just invited them to begin with. Everything worked out fine and you are so ridiculously close to your number, closer than we were. worse case scenario which will not happen, they can squeeze 3 more people in. I mea. Really, it’s 3 people, they don’t take up that much space! It will be fine!! And aRe all the guests going to come to the ceremony? I know people don’t go to both lots of times esp if there’s a gap, just something to think about 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would NOT count on any of the 38 group not coming.  With a list that small, everyone will know you very well.  Not like inviting 120.   I agree with PPs, you must invite FMILs Darling Husband and if you invite nephew, you must invite nephews wife.  I would say if you are inviting any GFs, you should your brother’s, but unless it is a long term or live-in relationship, you need his Girlfriend (if she is the only Girlfriend or Boyfriend or Best Friend being invited).

    Post # 13
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I wouldn’t cut any of those people :/

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