Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park
Okay, so my guest list is small but I am still having trouble finalizing it and I need your help! Out of 38 total guests, there are 5 that I have marked as “possible cuts.” You may be thinking, if the guest list is only 38 people, why cut anyone at all? Well, the answer to that is that our ceremony location holds a maximum of 35 guests and I don’t want to take any chances.
I am going to describe the 5 “possible cuts” and you tell me who I should/should not cut. Here we go:
Guest 1: You may have read about him in a previous post of mine. This is FMIL’s husband (not FI’s father). He is the worst and I have no desire for him to be at the wedding. However, there is risk in not inviting him as my FI’s job takes place in his mother’s home so that may cause problems for Fiance.
Guest 2: My brother’s gf. I have met her once and she kept calling me by the wrong name. No one in the family likes her and she is a bad influence on my brother. However, they have been together for a few years which makes me feel like I “have” to invite her.
Guest 3, 4 & 5: All three are nephews of mine. They are not included in the wedding party and are 18 and older (no children will be at the wedding).
3- I only see him maybe once a year. His older brother passed away a few years ago and his father (my brother) is still quite affected by it. He is the “closest” of all my nephews.
4- I also only see him maybe once a year. He got married last year and only his mother and brother attended the ceremony.
5- Again, only see him maybe once a year. His sister will be in the wedding party and he has talked the most with Fiance (they have a similar interest in baseball).
Help!!! Who should I cut/not cut? Why? (I included a poll also, but explanations would be appreciated. You can vote for more than one!)
This topic was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by .
Post # 2
1. You can’t not invite your FMIL’s husband whether you like him or not.
2. Are you inviting other sibling’s girlfriends or boyfriends?
3, 4 and 5 – Are you inviting other nieces or nephews? Also, you can’t invite #4 without inviting his wife.
Post # 3
Yikes. I would not cut any of them. While you may not like your moms husband, she is in fact married to him and it would be kind of rude to slight your mom like that. She already knows you don’t like him and prob had trouble exception that.
Your brothers kids should go especially given the death, you want to keep family strong in these chances. Obviously life is short. And their sister are in the wedding…cutting any would be playing favorites.
Unfortunately you can’t deny your brothera plus one just bc you don’t like her given they’ve been together for years. If their relationship was like a month old that’s different.
Have be you even gotten 100% attendance RSVP cards? Cause although 38 is a low number, I bet at least 3 can’t make it.
Post # 4
I would not cut your FMIL’s husband or your brother’s girlfriend. FMIL’s husband is a no-brainer. I know he is horrible but it’s almost never okay to invite someone and not invite their spouse. Generally this is considered bad etiquette even if the person is horrible to you. Your brother’s girlfriend is a similar situation. If he has been dating her for several years, I would say it’s probably best to include her, especially since she is the serious partner of immediate family. If they aren’t living together, it’s not unreasonable to not invite her, but I wouldn’t want to open that can of worms if I were you. That being said, I would put all 3 nephews on the B list–that is, I would only invite them if I get enough no’s to allow for their inclusion. It’s not rude to put someone on the B list as long as they get their invitations in time to plan accordingly. Just don’t send them a save-the-date.
Post # 5
Guest list should come before not after, choosing a venue. There is really no good or even acceptable way to cut most of those people. Technically, however, your brother’s Girlfriend is not a mandatory invitation unless they live together.
On the other hand, FMIL’s husband is a mandatory invitation, as are partners of anyone married,engaged, or living together. That would include your nephew’s wife.
Generally, the rule of thumb to avoid hurt feelings is to invite consistently within a family, so either no nieces and nephews or all of them.
Personally, I’d either go back to the drawing board for a venue or see if there is a way to make an exception for a few more people.
Post # 6
I’d say the 3 nephews since you only see them once per year. Im guessing you and your Fiance probably see your brother’s gf and FI’s mothers husband more. And they have the potential to cause more trouble as a result of not being invited. How would your FI’s mother feel if her husband wasn’t invited? Or your brother if his gf isn’t invited? Probably worse than any of the 3 nephews who probably don’t care anyway. Good luck!
Post # 7
I would not cut any of these guests based on your descriptions.
Post # 8
yeah sorry, I don’t see an appropriate way to cut any of them. Maybe, maybe all the nephews but I think it would be hurtful to your siblings to have you do that. You’d better either hope you’ve got a bunch of people who can’t come, find a new venue or see if your venue will stretch a little.
Incidentally, does the 35 permissible include yourselves?
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park
Thank you all for your input. I agree about cutting or placing the 3 nephews on the B list. The only other niece and nephew attending are two that are actually in the wedding party that I am very close to. Thanks for your help!
Post # 10
Yikes! It doesn’t sound like you can cut any of them without hurting someone’s feelings or causing some drama. You need to invite FMIL’s husband since they are married and spouses should be issued invitations together. The same is true of brother’s Girlfriend (though she will probably be the best choice of all to not invite, it would still cause drama between you and a sibling.) As for the 3 nephews, you really should invite them if their sister is involved in the wedding. Either way, invite all of them or none of them.
Post # 11
I will echo that the wife of the nephew needs to be invited. I will also add that I can guarantee you will have at least 3 declines if not more and that people will no show the day of bc they get sick or have a flat tire or whatever. Even though you have a small guest list which means these are all people who would love to be there and will go no matter what, life does still happen. We had about 10 absolute yes in our mind guests rsvp no- pregnant, just had back surgery, baby born early etc. you are wasting your energy and brain cells stressing over this. Just invite them all! we freaked out about our guest list and cut and cut but I’m the end we had so many more declines than we thought we would end ended up opening to blist guests- we wish we didn’t waste the energy on this and just invited them to begin with. Everything worked out fine and you are so ridiculously close to your number, closer than we were. worse case scenario which will not happen, they can squeeze 3 more people in. I mea. Really, it’s 3 people, they don’t take up that much space! It will be fine!! And aRe all the guests going to come to the ceremony? I know people don’t go to both lots of times esp if there’s a gap, just something to think about
Post # 12
I would NOT count on any of the 38 group not coming. With a list that small, everyone will know you very well. Not like inviting 120. I agree with PPs, you must invite FMILs DH and if you invite nephew, you must invite nephews wife. I would say if you are inviting any GFs, you should your brother’s, but unless it is a long term or live-in relationship, you need his Girlfriend (if she is the only Girlfriend or BF being invited).
Post # 13
I wouldn’t cut any of those people :/