(Closed) Guest list – venting

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013


Post # 4
89 posts
Worker bee

@Lotsofchocolateplease:  Why is it important to your mom for every seat to be filled? Even with RSVPs, there are probably going to be people who don’t show up. It sounds like she might be living her dream wedding vicariously through you.

Also, i’m a bit confused because you said you wanted a smaller wedding but that you are having a hard time cutting from the guestlist — that sounds like you want every one on the guestlist to be there. I can see where if your mom’s paying for everything that she would be able to invite some of her coworkers, but I also understand how it’s YOUR day and you want to invite the people you want to.

I’d have another chat with mom and be honest about your concerns. Sounds like she was receptive the first time which is a good sign!

Post # 5
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t know how your family dynamic/spread works, but I know with my list, we have an invite list & a “probably will come” list.  Yes, I will be inviting my dad’s EIGHT siblings & ALL of their kids, but we live in Texas & none of them do.  I don’t expect many of them to come, but don’t mind inviting them. (I have gotten a few surprises saying, Hey I’ll for sure be there! It will be fun to see a few of my extended family since I don’t see them often, but most are what I expect in that they can’t come).

Post # 6
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Lotsofchocolateplease:  My parents did the exact same thing to me so I feel your pain. It was a big mistake for sure to allow my parents to pay for the dinners at the reception because they use it as a gift with strings attached and keep inviting people against my wishes saying, “I’m paying for the dinner so I can invite whoever I want.” I wanted a family-only wedding (because like you, I come from a big family with lots of cousins and so does my FI) but now I have a much bigger wedding because of my parents taking over. Most of the time, I feel like I’m going to be the guest of honor at my PARENTS’ party. It becomes all about THEM, not YOU, and that’s not really fair because it’s YOUR wedding and should be the way YOU want it, but that’s the IDEAL situation and I’m beginning to think that few brides actually get to have everything the way they want them.

At this point, though, I’ve decided that I’m just going to ignore the guest list. I don’t care anymore who’s on it or who’s coming since I have a few people I don’t even LIKE coming to my wedding (thanks to my parents who insisted on inviting them). I’ve figured that it doesn’t really matter who comes as long as they behave themselves because you don’t have to spend much time with them–you just have to say a polite “hello and thank you for coming” and then you can go focus on the rest on the guests you actually wanted at the wedding. It won’t hurt your day any to have extra guests as long as someone else is paying for them and they aren’t causing any problems.

You also have to pick your battles when it comes to your parents. If something is really and truly important to you, then by all means, fight for it; but if it’s not a big deal, you should probably let it go (even if it’s not really what you wanted) for the sake of keeping the peace in the family. For example, my mother kept trying to talk me out of having a wedding cake (we are also serving dessert so she saw no need for wedding cake) but I just can’t imagine a wedding without a cake (and Fiance bought me a special cake topper as a wedding present) so I insisted on having a wedding cake. Of course, it also helps that my parents are not the one paying for the wedding cake so they don’t really get any say in that. 🙂

Good luck to you!

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