Post # 1
Bees – I need you to tell me everything will be OK, or give me tips on how to handle this!
Our wedding isn’t for another year but I am very organised and so we had our guest list done about 6 months ago. To get to this stage Fiance and I drafted a list which his parents then reviewed and made some changes to. We *were* inviting 83 people total; 31 of which are mine (all of which my Fiance knows well), 14 are both, and 38 are my FIs.
I should be up front in saying if it was my choice alone I would either have a tiny wedding or elope. I don’t have any direct family and my Mum passed away abt 18 months ago so I somtimes wonder what the point it. Also, we are paying for the whole shebang with FIs parents contributing only towards for the alcohol (not inc champagne) – although we are super blessed to be able to hold it at their family property.
So, this past wk I asked my Fiance to get addresses for “his” guests. I was really upset when the list came back with 2 more people added, bringing their invites up to 40 people of the now 85. It has really tipped me over the edge and now I just feel like it’s going to be a party @ their family home for their guests. I don’t even know a bunch of the people they’re inviting.
I’ve sent Fiance a message to say I really want to talk about it tonight but it’s really playing on my mind today. What are your thoughts, Bees? Did anyone else manage an “intimate” wedding with a skewed guest list like this? I feel like I was so cruisy and fair and now it’s blown up in my face
Post # 2
I’m sorry, but I don’t find this all that lopsided. There have been weddings on here where it was 80-10 guest count for one side or the other. You didn’t tell us who added the extra 2 guests (two! yes two) whether it was your Fiance or his parents. By all means talk with him tonight.
It’s really not fair to penalize him or his family for the fact that you don’t have close direct family. Are you sure that this didn’t push an emotional button for you because it reminded you that your Mom won’t be there?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House
It will all be ok. And with my OCD I like 85 better than 83, lol. if they added 10 or more I can see being upset but it’s only 2 and really 85 isn’t that big. i would just make sure that’s it. No more. Besides I heard to figure only 80% coming so it probably won’t even be that many people.
Post # 4
No, it’s not pushing an emotional button but I can see why it could seem that way. I’d just prefer a small wedding, that’s all. I’ve always felt that way. You’re right though, it’s only 2 people. I guess it’s just that they are 2 family friends I don’t know who have never been mentioned until now. That’s why I posted though – so you guys could help me put it into perspective! thanks for your reply 🙂
Post # 6
My fiance and I came up with a guest list. With my guest list I orginally had about 25 people and my fiance had about 70 people. His Mom claimed I had to many guest. She crossed a bunch of guest off of the list that my fiance and I both wanted. A couple of people she crossed off because she was not invited to their kids wedding.. some pathetic excuse like that. I did not feel like aruging. I let it slide. She continued to add more people.. Our guest list of 95 people went up to 130 in no time. We had to draw the line and cross all these extra people off.
I think two extra people is not a big deal. Your wedding is a ways away. Not everyone will come. There will be alot more issues to deal with leading up to the wedding so pick your battles.. If this really means that much of a deal to you then deal with it. But I guarantee much more serious issues will come up!
Post # 7
I had issues with My IL’s (who own a local store) inviting random people who walked into their shop.
This was for the engagement party (which we paid for with help from my parents). In the end our Number got to 142 for a space to fit 90 – 100. We were lucky that we had a number of people pull out as we sent the invites a bit late, as well as some didnt turn up.
For the wedding though, my Fiance and I sat down and cut the list to 86 expecting a couple to pull out and if they don’t we still have the room and its within our budget. It may not hurt to have couple extra on the list incase some can’t make it. Although, once the list is done… it’s done.
Post # 8
thanks. I guess that’s what is worrying me…. The fact this could be only the beginning. I’ll have to make sure Fiance and I are on the same page re any more additions. I said to him on the weekend “you know it’s locked in once we send STDs?” and he was like “thats why we wont send them yet!”
Post # 9
If he’s anything like my husband, just be aware the Fiance might stall on the STDS until the very last moment!
Post # 10
Oh yes, things with the guest list will be fine, in the end! It is a year away, and you will probably adjust the guest list a few more times until then.
Post # 11
The guest list now is 36% is yours, 16% mutual and 47% fi and his family (assuming the extra two you dont know) .. its pretty close . Don’t worry so much about the guest list right now. the guest list will change.. Some people may not be attend to attend or you forgot people You both should set a maximum amount and don’t go over that … so atleast you both have an agreement