(Closed) Guest list woes…damn cousins!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s pretty standard to limit your guest list like this. It’s typical to only allow long term plus 1s when the venue is small. I think it’s fair. If your cousins get upset then explain it like you have here and let them know that if anyone from your immediate family drops out you’ll let them know so that they might have the option of a plus 1.

Post # 4
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@kermie: I think that sounds ok – if anyone complains just let them know that you are very limited on space. Since they are cousins – I’m assuming they all know each other and can socialize with each other, and not feel bored/left out? And I agree that the cousin with the SO should be invited – that’s a bit different than a short-term relationship.

Post # 5
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have been having the same problems and thoughts!  I think you are being reasonable….but I might be biased because I have come to the same conclusion as you.

The rule is the same for all of our guests…not just cousins (but this will probably cause some discussions amongst the family!).  Basically, if we haven’t met the boyfriend/girlfriend, then they are not invited.  We took into account the fact that all of our guests know at least 5 or 6 other people at the wedding (and we will be seating them together), so they won’t feel left out/alone. 

Hope it all works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Nope!  We are leaning towards serious relationships, engaged, married only!  I don’t want/need strangers at my wedding, or BFs/GFs that I don’t know or who haven’t been around long. 

Post # 7
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had an issue with one of my cousins. I didnt even know he had a gf until about 4 weeks after we sent the invites out and 1 week before the RSVPs were due back.  Thats when it became “facebook official”.  Well I didnt give him the plus 1 and now nobody is coming from that family.  No joke!!!

Post # 8
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that you are being 100% reasonable.  Our ceremony is also very small (80 people), and we actually had to stop at Aunts/Uncles for the ceremony only, but if you are a 1st cousin spending $$’s to fly from out of state, then we are sending a ceremony invite.  I had one cousin that got torked off about this… Ask me if I care???  I see her once a year at best at Christmas.  Our families are just too big, and we don’t have the space.  And we felt it was rude to tell someone that spent $$’s to fly from out of state that they couldn’t come to the wedding.  Everyone is invited to the reception, so we aren’t excluding anyone form our day…we just wanted an intimate ceremony.

I think we all need to remind ourselves that it is our day, not everyone elses.  You are totally being reasonable in your approach!

Post # 9
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Long term SO only.  My Fiance wants to allow guest w/out SO to bring a guest.  Not to happy but I’m exhausted @ this point.  I’ve already told family, that only siblings who are married will be +1.  My brother has a tendency to bring the flavor of the month which isn’t cool when you look back @ the photographs.lol

If your cousins don’t like it, then they can wish you well from afar.

Good Luck

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