Post # 1
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Ok ladies, I someone to talk me down! I was just finalizing our guest list and it’s at 235!!! Our venue only seast 180 MAX, should I be concerned? A lot of my family lives at least two hours a way and a lot of my fiance’s friends and some family live across the country… I used some formula I found online and it estimates 178 RSVP’ing yes…
I have tried to create two lists but it’s impossible, everyone knows each other and it would create so much drama if we invited this person and not that person, etc…
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
Of the out of towners, how many do you expect will attend? Do you have any idea? That’s probably the key.
Post # 4
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee
If your venue only seats 180, that is the fire code max. You cannot add more people. If your invites have gone out already, you will need to find a different venue ASAP. If they haven’t, then you either need to cut the guest list or find a different venue.
If you are cutting the guest list, only invite people whom you absolutely want to attend. Don’t invite people out of obligation for any reason just to fill seats.
As far as how many people will attend, you will not have any clue until people start replying. You can calculate all the formulas in the world that folks suggest and none will be correct. There have been cases where brides said they didn’t expect anyone and they ended up with 100% attendance that they did not prepare for at all. You don’t want to be one of those brides. Living cross country or even a couple hours away does not stop people from attending if they want to be there. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise since it does happen frequently.
Post # 5
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Any way I have figured it, out of towners, people who we know won’t come, can’t afford it, etc. we always come in under 180 but the anxiety of the unknown is killing me!
What do you feel is the proper etiquette for inviting out of town guests without a guest that are NOT in a committed relationship? To me, since it’s an out of town wedding, I would think they should be able to bring someone, regardless of their relationship status.. Who wants to travel across the country by themselves to a wedding where they don’t know many people? I’m having a heck of a time with this..
What about single uncles, kids of friends of my parents that I grew up with… I thought about taking off their “and guest” but at the same time I disagree. I have to quit being so emotional about it and just be cut throat as Carrie was in the first Sex and the City!
Post # 6
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
I see you’re in NYC, too. Here’s what I learned — some of my OOT’s that I didn’t expect are planning on coming because it’s an excuse to come to NYC. As in my Aunt and Uncle who I’ve seen exactly twice in the last 15 years and who don’t fly. That’s something I didn’t factor in. Our site holds 100. My Fiance and I are inviting 98 (+ us = 100). And then for every “no” we receive the first 3 weeks (we’re sending invites 10 weeks out), we’ll turn around and send another to the top of our “B” list.
Also, no “and guests” unless you are married, engaged or living with your SO. No exceptions. It’s hurt a couple of feelings, but for the most part people understand when they know we are limited by our venue.
I’ve found that people in general are very understanding when I say “We’re having a smaller wedding.” or “Our venue just can’t hold everyone we want there on our day.”
Good luck! I know it’s stressful.
Post # 7
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
I know it’s advised against, but our venue held 175, and we invited 214. 168 came, so it worked out. Like you, we had a lot of out of town relatives (except they were 4 hours away). We also invited children knowing a lot of couples would leave them at home.
I might still trim the list and get it down to 210-215 if I were you.
Post # 8
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Thank you! I do live in NYC (Hoboken area actually) but the wedding is in Michigan, so that help! 🙂 Right now I’m making little notes on my excel sheet with suggestions on how to cut and am going to fwd it to my fiance and both sets of parents, I’m having them make the final decision because everyone we definitely want there is getting an invite.. The ones “with guest” are mostly my parents invitees and they can make the decison on whether or not they get a guest. Ahh!
Post # 9
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
@ Chillmer – That’s what I’m aiming for, 215ish.. And I think cutting single people with guests will do it.. :-/ If anyone says anything to me they will wish they hadn’t! j/k – I’m even willing to let guests who are in relationships bring someone, just not the singles..
Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Got it down to 211! With a “B” list of course. 🙂 And I decided not to cut any “and guests”. I still don’t know how I did it..
Post # 11
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
I wouldn’t even so a B list- because chances are you are going to fill your max with the A list. Just cut your list down to 200 in general
Post # 12
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Honestly, I’m doing the B list to make my Mom happy. I had to cut some people she really wanted to come so I told her when I get enough “no’s” back I will send out more invites if we have room.
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