- 2 years ago
The guest list has by far been the most stressful part of wedding planning. I just need to vent because it’s been so frustrating. I’d love to hear other people’s vents about this as well!
Important note – my parents are paying for everything. His parents are paying for zero.
1. My parents gave their side of the guest list over a year ago, no changes, all complete address information. No problems. His parents gave me their guest list piecemeal. Missing names, addresses, etc. Save-The-Date Cards went out months and months ago and his parents kept adding more and more over time. It was hard to keep track of and I kept having to go back and ask for complete information.
2. All these extra people made us go way over our budget. I said the only way we can invite them is if they pay for them. They said sure they’ll pay, whenever they get the money. This obviously caused a huge issue between everyone. I was incredibly stressed about being able to afford everything because his parents HAD to invite relatives they hadn’t seen in over 20 years, but didn’t have the money right now to cover them. They expected us to just wait until they had the money, whenever it may be. They couldn’t even give us an approximate timeframe. I wanted to tell them a flat NO, but my fiance didn’t want to hurt their feelings (about them not having enough money).
3. We told our wedding planners that our guest list increased. They said because of the large increase in amount of people, we’d have to rearrange the reception space. I think this is where I had a breakdown. I had chosen all the decor and everything based on rectangular tables and having the dancefloor in the center and my planners and I had been working on this for months. Because of the awkward shape of the reception space and extra people, they said we need to change to round tables and move the dance floor off to the side, basically in the corner and make it smaller. So more people, but smaller dance floor. The decor and set up was one thing that was mine. My fiance let me handle it completely and it was really important to me. I felt like all these extra people were going to make our reception cramped. I was SOO bummed about the dance floor.
4. A handful of their extra guests live out of the country. His parents wanted me to mail the invitations registered mail. It costs $15 for each invitation. I said no. They wouldn’t make it in time anyways. My fiance emailed them a nice PDF version of our invite from our invitation designer. His mom wanted me to give their paper invitations to them at the wedding. Why?? I didn’t order enough invitations for some of the extra people anyways because it was too late and also…..
5. All of them RSVPed no. All their extra guests that caused my fiance and I SOO much stress said no, like immediately. They either called or emailed as soon as they received the invitation to say no. It’s great that they were so responsive, but just seemed like they didn’t even have to think about it. The decline in amount of people relieved A LOT of stress for us though. We were in budget and feeling so much better.
6. One of their guests called and said she couldn’t make it, but she’s giving our invitation to her cousin. WTF?!?! We don’t know the cousin. Some of my guests declined so we technically had room so I just gave in and said whatever, she’s one person, she can come, I was sick of dealing with this. Later I find out this cousin is married so she’s bringing her husband. FINE. Several days later I find out they’re coming with their adult daughter. I don’t understand how people are like this!!
7. His dad STILL had some people he was thinking about inviting. AFTER the invitations had been mailed. Our RSVP deadline was April 21. He told us he’d let us know by April 21 if he wanted to officially invite them or not. The RSVP deadline is for GUESTS not for YOU!!
8. All of my guests have returned the RSVP card. A lot of his have not. He is in the process of trying to track them down for their responses. One guest felt so bad that he couldn’t come that he didn’t want to send in the RSVP card thinking it would hurt our feelings. What?!?! So we had to call him and the guy had to tell us over the phone that he couldn’t come. Like that was SO much better.
9. One of his guests declined and wrote her name and some other person’s name on the card. We have no clue who the other person is, but they weren’t invited. It was fine because it was a decline, but just weird. This would make more sense if she was accepting and assumed she had a plus one. But “I’m invited to your wedding? Well I can’t come and neither can my friend. DECLINE”.
My parents haven’t asked for ANYTHING and my guests haven’t caused any issues. It feels like this wedding isn’t even ours anymore. It feels like I’ve been planning a party for his parents and all their family and friends who aren’t even coming anyways.
Lesson learned – JUST SAY NO! My fiance also realized he has a problem saying no to his parents and knows he needs to work on it.
I know in the end everything will turn out great, but my goodness, why did it have to be so hard? I’m never doing this again.