(Closed) Guest lists and money and drama…oh my.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

“How can I accept financial contribution without relinquishing control?”

In this case you can’t. In my experience people who act like your father rarely come through with the money, or give even less than they “promised”. Just have the wedding you can afford. It’s good preparation for life. 

Post # 32
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

Oh God, how sad is it that he’s being like this when he could afford to help you so much more.  And he’s being so damn controlling about it!  Truly, do not take his money Because of the heartache it will cause, but more than anything because he’s not giving it to you with love.  He’s using it (and limiting it) as a weapon against others and ultimately it hurts you.  Talk to him about what he’s doing, regearess of what you decide to do. 

Post # 33
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

Dear dad

Thank you for your email. I was just about to send you my terms, so let’s see if we can find some middle ground. 

1. You and mum’s boyfriend will decide who walks me down the aisle by way of a sealed bid. An envelope with your highest bid must be left outside my front door at the next full moon.

2. The traditional way of gift giving is that guests bring their gift on the wedding day. I have decided to reverse this, as it’s only fair that guests who bring the most get the best “wedding experience”. $10,000 gets you a place on the head table and the right to make the first toast. $25 gets you a place on the table at the back behind a pillar, next to Uncle Bernard who shouts at traffic. 

These terms are non-negotiable. 

Post # 34
Member
48 posts
Newbee

What’s more important to you- your mom or your princess fantasy? You’re an adult, you choose the terms under which you live your life. Don’t sell out. Frankly I’d rather get married at the courthouse then have a party at the park. it’s fun, i get to see those I love, and I can afford it. 

Plus, if my child told me that I could only attend their wedding if I gave them a sizeable cash donation, I’d tell them where to stick it. Even if I had originally planned to give you money, there is no way I would buy myself a seat. Can you imagine the WB post – “daughter wont invite me to wedding unless I give her $10k”. Dont be that girl

Post # 35
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

The best thing you can do is plan a wedding that you and Fiance can afford to pay for without anyone’s help.

Post # 36
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

I suggest not accepting the money. 

He’s treating this like a business deal, which is fine, but he’s being a bit too cold for my liking. I wouldn’t give someone like that any control over or say in my wedding. 

Pay for the wedding without his help and do things your way. You’ll probably be a lot less stressed out by the wedding that way.  

Post # 37
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would tell him that if he would like to help pay for the wedding he is welcome to but his terms are absurd. It is not up to him to dictate what other family members are contributing.  The terms of his “donation” are absurd. Pay for the wedding yourself. It’ll be him that feels like an ass when your engagement ends up longer because you require more time to save because he is approaching this as a business venture rather than his daughters marriage. 

Post # 38
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
twistaway:  No pay no say. 

Post # 39
Member
7575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

If he had just demanded the 25 invites I might have found a way to make it work but since he is demanding that other people help pay (outside of you and your FI), I would not take any money from him.

I understand it’s hurtful but do you really want to ask your mom to pay for something she can’t afford? Throw the wedding that you and your Fiance can afford and don’t count on money from him.

Post # 40
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
twistaway:  one more note. Your father emailed you WHILE you were at his house. Clearly, he is making this a legal contract. You must reply to him via email so you have proof of what you both did or did not agree on. Based on how your father is acting- if you do not meet every demand he has during the whole wedding planning and wedding day. He will hold you to his email demands. If you fail to follow his orders, it sounds like he will not give you a dime. If he gives you money up front and you fail to follow his demands, he will sue you. 

Sending you a huge hug. You are seeing a new side to your father… All business even with his own daughter…wow.

Post # 41
Member
3164 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t take the money. If the marriage is what’s important to you than you don’t need 180, 130 or very many people there at all. Invite the number of people you can afford to the style of event you can afford and enjoy YOUR day. 

Post # 42
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

Taking his money now would be nothing less than asking for trouble. 

Post # 43
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
BrideK2Wings:  very good point! 

OP, do not for a second think you can take the money but not meet the conditions – you’ll end up with a wedding you can’t afford and no money from him. 

Post # 44
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Sept 2016 Venice, Italy

OP: Don’t take the money. Have a wedding that you can afford and totally control. 

Post # 45
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Holy crap. What a douchebag.

The topic ‘Guest lists and money and drama…oh my.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors