(Closed) guest lists and parents’ alotted number of guests

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

My parents are paying for the wedding, so they pretty much got their way with the guest list… I ended up having to cut out friends while my great-step-uncle (no lie) will be attending.  …family first, they say…

I did get my mom to cut out some of the younger extended cousins, though I personally added them back into the list because of all of my family, I’m closest with some of them.

My suggestion would be to approach your mother early.  Each write up a loose list to get an idea of the numbers, then sit down and come to a compromise.  I think people understand the size constraints of a wedding more than we think.

Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

We told the parents how many they could have and then let them figure out who they had to cut. There’s a lot of huffing and puffing about it but then ultimately everyone figures it out.

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Since Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, we knew there was only so much we could afford…especially with our new house in the picture!  So we created a list of his immediate family, my immediate family, and our mutual friends.  We had wanted a very intimate wedding from the get go so we knew we wanted to be as close to 150 pp as possible.  We asked his parents to create a list for us, we added our mutual friends and the remaining available seats went to my side of the family.  It was a very delicate balance (which we are still trying to balance right now) between the two family, but in the end, I gave my parents a certain number of heads that they could not go over.  If they chose to invite Mr & Mrs X & Family, well then that would be 4 people off of their allotment.  It’s definitely a tricky situation, but depending on who is financing it, that party generally has more say in the matter.  Sad but true.  Good luck!  Oh, and if your parents are anything like mine, they’ll tell you they have a guest list of 500 minimally and everyone is family so they can’t cut anyone!  That’s when you break out the List A, List B, and List C!

Post # 6
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

This question is so perfectly timed to my situation! I initially wanted to keep it to like 175-200 people but then my mother (who is a teacher) started inviting everyone that she has ever had a conversation with, so we’re up to about 290 right now. They’re paying for it and she keeps nagging me to have an adult-only reception because kids are expensive. But the only kids who would potentially be coming are kids of our friends. So we’ve had the discussion (with my dad on my side) that even though they’re paying for it, this is OUR wedding, and we’d rather have our friends there than my 8th grade principal. So I’ve passed out the list to them and they’re doing their own A,B,C list.

  

Post # 7
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • e
  • 11 years ago

this was a big battle that me and my fiance fought with his mom…and then subsequently lost..so i’m cutting my personal friends as a result πŸ™  he has a huge family..which i understand family is first.  but then his mom is also insisting on inviting her entire church (whom neither of us know at all) and she won’t budge on it.  even though she’s not paying for the wedding, we are.  so.  that was that.  not sure how other people were able to handle and set numbers for their parents..but it didn’t work for us πŸ™

Post # 8
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My parents are paying for most of the wedding with his parents contributing to the typical costs paid for by the groom’s parents.  That being said – we are having a total limit of 200.  We thought that would be perfect…however…after we got everyone’s list in – it was around 350!! (and my mother hadn’t included the kids on her list).  After some well placed hints in my father’s ear — she cut 20 people.  WE will revisit her list later.  I did advise my father if they wanted to go over the 200 total…that we would have to increase the budget as it is planned for only so many. 

So as you can see…I still have this dilemma…and hopefully will get it figured out in time to send out the save the dates!

Post # 9
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

 We’d originally made up our guest list, just to see how many people we were looking at. I think we came in around 250 or so, including who our parents needed to invite. That seemed too big for the kind of party we were invisioning and the amount we budgeted for.

The venue we loved & chose only fits 150 – so we cut out any children & some groups of more distant relatives. Having a venue that is limiting is much more helpful than I thought.

One of our keys for whether to invite certain friends was whether or not that friend has met us as a couple. We’ve been dating almost 5 years, and if a "friend" hadn’t met my Fiance, then they couldn’t be too much of a friend (barring overseas guests and a few exeptions).

We’re paying for most of our wedding with my parents helping when/if we need it. I thought the people that my parents included on the list were reasonable, people I’ve known all my life or very close friends of my parents who we know. But some brides aren’t so lucky. 

Now we’re down to 150 and everyone’s satisfied with the list!!!

Post # 11
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Heh, my guy was the exact same way! "We don’t know that many people!" Uh, yeah right, think again, dude.  When you write ’em all down, you realize how a couple here and a couple there starts to add up!

Because we paid for everything ourselves, we had a lot of control. We made our list which included relatives that we felt should be invited (i.e., no cousin’s cousin on my third aunt’s side kind of people), and presented that list to our parents. We told them that if we’d FORGOTTEN anyone we’d add them on, no problem, but otherwise, they were limited to adding 2 couples apiece (for three sets of parents, and while that sounds strict, our list really was quite inclusive, even some long time friends of our parents were on there from the beginning), and after that, they would need to pay us back per head for people they were inviting that we didn’t know.  (So if they were doing a "reciprocal invite" — you asked me to your kid’s wedding, so you can come to mine — they needed to help us out since we don’t know those people!)  It worked out pretty well, particuarly when they started to understand how much we were paying for things (which they didn’t have a concept of until we explained, item by item). 

Post # 12
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Honestly, cutting out children made the biggest difference. Since we’re getting married a little later in life (I’ll be 32 and he’ll be 38) almost all our friends his age have multiple children (One has 7!!! and several couples have 4…or 3!) and many of my cousins do as well.

We DO like kids a lot & every year we have a big Halloween party for all our friends and their kiddies – but we couldn’t justify adding SEVEN more (little) people to the list just to invite ONE couple.

We consulted with some of our closest pals with children and they thought they’d prefer a night without the kids. We were happy to oblige!

Post # 14
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My fiancé’s niece and nephew will be there – but that’s it for kids. It would be a tough call for you if you have several, but my argument would be that they are immediate family.

I don’t know what the ettiquette is on that situation…my guess is that you’d get a very mixed response. 

Since we’ve only got 2, that seemed acceptable to us and we assume that guests would understand since it is his only sibling’s children.

We’re going to try and make the 2 young ones feel extra special during their stay (they are also Out of Town guests).

It’s great that you’ve got a cheaper version of a meal, and of course you don’t need to worry about alcohol for the young’uns but like you said, not everything can be skimped, just because they’re small.

Best of luck with it all!

Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Pancy I think it would be fine to include only kids who are in the wedding party without stepping on anyone’s toes.  People will understand that an exception was made to invite a child if she happens to be the flower girl.  But if they’re just regular guests, it would be hard to start picking and choosing without upsetting people.

The topic ‘guest lists and parents’ alotted number of guests’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors