(Closed) Guest Not Coming Because We Are A Mixed Couple…Yikes!

posted 10 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. Not only would that be inappropriate and hurtful from anybody, but from your Dad’s *boss?* That crosses all sorts of workplace ethics boundaries. Is it a large company? Was this guy specific that he was upset that you’re a mixed race couple, not just that he was invited? That seems like it would qualify as some sort of harassment, doesn’t it?

I’m really sorry that you (and your poor Dad!) are having to deal with this, but I’m glad it’s not somebody who’s really close to you that’s lashing out in this way. 

Post # 4
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Wow that is unbelievable… I am so sorry!

How are you and your fiance taking it?

Post # 5
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Igonorance is still so prevalent in this country, lest anyone thinks that the Obama election has moved us into post-racial times.

That man is not even worth any mental energy.  What a hateful man!

I really, really hope that you are doing ok with this.  It was a horrible thing to *think*, let alone say… and I agree, totally work-place inappropriate, especially as the boss.

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Post # 7
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Good grief! The ignorance and gall of some people! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I wish you could say something but since it’s your dad’s boss you’re probably not going to be able to. What a jerk, really.  Just ignore him and have a wonderful wedding!

Post # 8
41 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

i have not delt with that personally but i am so sorry that you have to deal with it! it is 2009 and it is also so amazing to me how ignorant people still are!  i can’t get over that your fathers boss is such a jerk!! if the times were not so tough economically, i would suggest your dad find other employment!!  i would be happy that he is not coming to my wedding!!  sorry again that you have to deal with this…

Post # 9
596 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’ve had to encounter something so obnoxious!  Thank goodness he’s not coming to the wedding.

Post # 10
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow.. I am totally sorry you, your dad, and your Fiance had to be faced with that amount of ignorance.  Two thing to keep in mind:

1)  You wouldnt want anyone there who is not happy for you and your Fiance and;

2)  Thank goodness his ignorance shined through now rather than at the wedding…

everything happens for a reason… happy planninga nd maybe you can fill those now empty seats with ppl who will share in your happiness.

Post # 11
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Wow, I am not shocked that people are still so close minded, but I AM a bit shocked that he doesn’t realize how wrong it is for him to express this opinion …..it is too bad this is your dad’s boss, it puts him in such an awkward position.  I am really sorry you have to deal with any of this, but kudos to you and your parents for helping us take one small step closer to acceptance.

Post # 12
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

WOW…I can’t say i’m suprised at the boss…I’m just suprised he vocalized it in such a manner to your dad! Being AA myself, it’s no secret that people still harbor racial prejudices towards other people…i’ve just seen it a little more subtle than that…but be glad he said something now…because you sure wouldn’t want him at your wedding!

Post # 13
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wow.  That’s outrageous.  That the boss doesn’t even have the sense to be ashamed of his own ignorance is beyond me!

I hope your dad doesn’t have any professional repercussions from this.  Is that boss making hiring and promotion decisions within that company?  If so, he’s probably totally racist in his decision making.

I’m glad you sent out the Save-The-Date Cards with a picture. I don’t want to imagine what the boss would have done if he’s been at the ceremony!

I’ve never had to deal with this as a bride, but my cousin (on my big, loud, Irish-Catholic side of the family) married who is of Af-Am decent.  While there were some comments- they were mostly made in jest- hopefully none which hurt the my cousin or her husband.  Her husband is a really awesome guy and it didn’t hurt that he was the best friend of the bride’s brother and they had served in Bosnia together!

Unfortunately weddings always bring the *sshole out of people.  Just be grateful that this particular *sshole isn’t one you care about.  Try not to let it dampen your spirits!

Post # 14
278 posts
Helper bee

The most important thing is that everyone who will be at your wedding will be 100% happy for you.  It can be a little disheartening to hear that someone can not be at your wedding because of their views on inter-racial marriages in this day and age but you can’t let it ruin your moment.  Your family has shown that time can change where they stand and maybe someday Mr. Boss-man will realize how his views are wrong.

Wishing the best for the both of you!

Post # 15
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This makes me so sad for you :(.  I can’t believe the boss had the nerve to even express his true feelings to your Dad!  My fiance and I (I am black, he is white), sent our picture on our STD’s as well.  I don’t know if we sent them with the picture to inform people of our interracial status, more so that I think we look damn good!   Most of the people we invited have met me, however a few of my relatives have not met him yet, so I guess its probably good for them to see the picture and not show up and think they are at the wrong wedding .   Thankfully, I haven’t heard any negative feedback from anyone about our relationship. I don’t want anyone there that does not support and love us. Thank goodness he will not be there on your special day!

 Remember, you can’t please everyone or change people’s long standing feelings on race. With my relationship, I’m sure there are people that hate that I’m not catholic more then any racial hang-ups.  Oh well.  I’m more concerned with ordering my invites, putting together an interculturalplaylist right now then to let unsupportive people block my joy!!

Congrats on your wonderful relationship!!

Post # 16
1428 posts
Bumble bee

ugh…it is sickening that there are people out there like that, but as mentioned by other bees, thank goodness you found out now so that hateful man will not be included in your wonderful wedding celebration.
Aug 15 is my b-day so I will MOST definitely be sending happy happy karma to you & your Fiance on that day!!

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