Post # 1
To cut corners we decided that we would not invite children and be stingy with out plus ones (also I had a cut off at second cousins). The only children that will be at the wedding are my niece and nephews because they are in the wedding. We have been very open with people about how we are not inviting children to the wedding.
We just recieved an RSVP from my cousin (the invite was addressed to only her and she was not given a plus one) and she checked accepted and then wrote at the bottom: ” [child’s name] will be attending as well.”
I know for a fact that the no children thing was mentioned to her, my aunt and my uncle in normal conversation at Christmas. We have already told a few people they could not just bring a friend. Our policy on plus ones is they have to be dating for a while, engaged, living together, or married. And we found these guests names so I could write them on the invitation instead of the open “and guest”.
I really don’t know what to do. It is not fair to the other people who aren’t bringing their children. It’s not that we don’t like children but we are just cutting corners where we can. I am ticked off that she had the nerve to tell me that her son is coming too. I know that my cousin and aunt will get their knickers in a knot if I say something.
Post # 3
How old is this child? Is the child an infant or possibly older (like 14 or 15)? I am so sorry that she did this. I hate seeing these threads because it shows people complete lack of respect for your decisions. I would say your best bet is to contact her and remind her that although you would love to be able to invite everyone, financial constraints have limited you to an adults only reception. Let her know you hope to see her and, if you possibly can, let her know your willing to assist in finding her child care for the evening.
Post # 4
Write yourself a short script and get ready to make phone calls. You WILL have to, for atleast 1 or 2 (We had too). Go ahead and prepare for the “well we can’t come then..” and stick to your guns. 😉
Another option is to set up for childcare for those who can’t follow the invite request and the phone call… even letting them know that if they just cannot refrain from bringinn the child they can pay for the childcare service. That’s what we’re doing… and putting in budget for a quick run to McDonalds if needed.
Sorry you’re having to deal with the stress.. I know the phone call I had to make to my Future Sister-In-Law was the WORST ever… she was totally good with it though so in the end it wasn’t that bad.
Good Luck to you =)
Post # 5
The child is 10 years old. Not only is he a child but would also be considered a second cousin so he is under both our cut offs.
He is a really good kid and all but we made the decision to have cut off. If we didn’t do cut off’s we’d have a huge wedding that we couldn’t afford. I really don’t want other guests getting upset that they couldn’t bring their child(ren) but other guests brought theirs.
Post # 6
I agree with @runsyellowlites: . Your cousin RSVPed the way that she did b/c she is counting on you not wanting a confrontation and allowing her to bring her child. This probably won’t be the only person to pull this stunt so you may as well be prepared. Caller her up, let her know that you are hosting an adult only event, and let her know that you will understand if she can’t make it, but you won’t be able to accomodate her child. Be firm. Good luck.
Post # 7
“Hi Cousin, I got your RSVP. I’m so happy you’ll be there. Unfortunatley, we’re unable to accommodate your son. Hope you can still make it.”
If she raises a fuss and says she can’t/won’t attend without him, just tell her you’re sorry to hear that and you’ll miss her. You don’t have to justify your no-kids policy; you don’t owe her excuses or explanations about budget, venue capacity, whatever.
Sounds like she’s well aware of the no-kids policy and is trying to bulldoze you. Don’t let her.
Post # 8
That’s obnoxious. I would just call her and tell her that unfortunately due to financial constraints you can’t have any kids at the wedding, but that you are more than happy to help her find childcare for the night. If you break the rule for her, other people will get upset you didn’t break it for them. Stick to your guns.
Post # 9
I would call and say exactly what @sailor: and say we are truly sorry but we just dont have any seats for children. Be firm. I am already having issues with children and I havent even sent out my invites!
Post # 11
I say get the script ready and start knocking out those conversations. What I am learning is to stick to your guns. FI’s friend wanted to know if she could bring a date (NO!!!!!). You’re not even seeing this person seriously, get full and drunk with your date on your own dime. Also, I have an Aunt who prob won’t come anyway, but if in some rare instance she actually keeps her word, she will want to bring her 3 grandchildren who she babysits, SORRY AUNTY but this is and Adult only affair (which we indicated on our weddind website as well as on the invitations), but some people will still need a gentle reminder. All the best, I will be wishing you luck while I am also making our calls for our guests.
Post # 12
absolutely agree with calling her and telling her that her child can’t come. i would be ready for the “then i can’t come either” – so be ready to stick to your guns
my mantra during the wedding has been “i’ve made my decisions, now everyone else has to make theirs” – you decided no kids or second cousins, now she has to decide what she wants to do with that.
Post # 13
@JamaicaBride: You are absolutely correct!!!! So many people bank on the fact that you don’t want a confrontation, and take advantage this way. That’s so wrong. Puuuhhllleeaaze if we (FI and I) set a boundary then thats what it will be. I have a few family members like that who I know I will personally have to call them and let them know “this is an adult only affair”. I am prepared for them to say, “well then I won’t be able to make it”, and I am also prepared to tell them ” I’m so sorry to hear that,I hope that you can come by to look at pictures when we get them.
Post # 14
Is she traveling from out of town to attend your wedding? If so, maybe you could offer to arrange for a sitter for the son. If she’s not out of town, then I would simply tell her (like others have said, “Call her”) and explain you have a limited budget with limited seating and there simply isn’t any room for anyone other than who was invited.
Post # 15
You’ve had great advice from many already. I endorse the idea to actually write out what you plan to say. Don’t get involved in making further expectations. Just keep repeating that you cannot accomodate extra guests.
Post # 16
I called my cousin. She thought I was calling to find out if she was coming or not. Before I could say what I had to say she tells me that she will be bringing her son. That actually made it easier for me to say that we weren’t having kids at the wedding. I felt really bad since she has to call his dad to see if he’ll take him for the weekend. However I stuck to my guns and she seemed to understand.
Now here comes a little drama, hopefully it has fizzled out. With in 20 minutes after talking to my cousin my aunt calls my sister to find out who is watching her kids. Well my sisters kids are in the wedding but there won’t be any other kids there that night. If we could afford it I would invite kids and second cousins. I guess my aunt then tells my sister she is going to call all the family who has kids to find out “who they are getting to babysit” but is really just wanting to find out if the other kids are invited or not.
I am not mean and spiteful. I would never invite other kids and exclude one. I feel terrible about my decision. I like to make exceptions and help people out and be nice. However I tend to get walked over because of this so reminding myself of that kept me on the right track 🙂 thanks for all you help!