(Closed) Guest RSVP’d adding a child… No-kids wedding, advice please.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

How old is this child? Is the child an infant or possibly older (like 14 or 15)? I am so sorry that she did this. I hate seeing these threads because it shows people complete lack of respect for your decisions. I would say your best bet is to contact her and remind her that although you would love to be able to invite everyone, financial constraints have limited you to an adults only reception. Let her know you hope to see her and, if you possibly can, let her know your willing to assist in finding her child care for the evening.

Post # 4
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Write yourself a short script and get ready to make phone calls. You WILL have to, for atleast 1 or 2 (We had too). Go ahead and prepare for the “well we can’t come then..” and stick to your guns. 😉

Another option is to set up for childcare for those who can’t follow the invite request and the phone call… even letting them know that if they just cannot refrain from bringinn the child they can pay for the childcare service. That’s what we’re doing… and putting in budget for a quick run to McDonalds if needed.

Sorry you’re having to deal with the stress.. I know the phone call I had to make to my Future Sister-In-Law was the WORST ever… she was totally good with it though so in the end it wasn’t that bad.

Good Luck to you =)

Post # 6
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with @runsyellowlites: . Your cousin RSVPed the way that she did b/c she is counting on you not wanting a confrontation and allowing her to bring her child. This probably won’t be the only person to pull this stunt so you may as well be prepared. Caller her up, let her know that you are hosting an adult only event, and let her know that you will understand if she can’t make it, but you won’t be able to accomodate her child. Be firm. Good luck. 

Post # 7
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

“Hi Cousin, I got your RSVP.  I’m so happy you’ll be there.  Unfortunatley, we’re unable to accommodate your son.  Hope you can still make it.”

If she raises a fuss and says she can’t/won’t attend without him, just tell her you’re sorry to hear that and you’ll miss her.  You don’t have to justify your no-kids policy; you don’t owe her excuses or explanations about budget, venue capacity, whatever.

Sounds like she’s well aware of the no-kids policy and is trying to bulldoze you.  Don’t let her.

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s obnoxious.  I would just call her and tell her that unfortunately due to financial constraints you can’t have any kids at the wedding, but that you are more than happy to help her find childcare for the night.  If you break the rule for her, other people will get upset you didn’t break it for them.  Stick to your guns.

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would call and say exactly what @sailor: and say we are truly sorry but we just dont have any seats for children. Be firm. I am already having issues with children and I havent even sent out my invites!

Post # 10
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

call her!

Post # 11
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I say get the script ready and start knocking out those conversations. What I am learning is to stick to your guns. FI’s friend wanted to know if she could bring a date (NO!!!!!). You’re not even seeing this person seriously, get full and drunk with your date on your own dime.  Also, I have an Aunt who prob won’t come anyway, but if in some rare instance she actually keeps her word, she will want to bring her 3 grandchildren who she babysits, SORRY AUNTY  but this is and Adult only affair (which we indicated on our weddind website as well as on the invitations), but some people will still need a gentle reminder. All the best, I will be wishing you luck while I am also making our calls for our guests.

Post # 12
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

absolutely agree with calling her and telling her that her child can’t come.  i would be ready for the “then i can’t come either” – so be ready to stick to your guns

my mantra during the wedding has been “i’ve made my decisions, now everyone else has to make theirs” – you decided no kids or second cousins, now she has to decide what she wants to do with that.

Post # 13
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JamaicaBride: You are absolutely correct!!!! So many people bank on the fact that you don’t want a confrontation, and take advantage this way. That’s so wrong.  Puuuhhllleeaaze if we (FI and I) set a boundary then thats what it will be. I have a few family members like that who I know I will personally have to call them and let them know “this is an adult only affair”. I am prepared for them to say, “well then I won’t be able to make it”, and I am also prepared to tell them ” I’m so sorry to hear that,I hope that you can come by to look at pictures when we get them.

Post # 14
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is she traveling from out of town to attend your wedding?  If so, maybe you could offer to arrange for a sitter for the son.  If she’s not out of town, then I would simply tell her (like others have said, “Call her”) and explain you have a limited budget with limited seating and there simply isn’t any room for anyone other than who was invited.

Post # 15
Member
46408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’ve had great advice from many already. I endorse the idea to actually write out what you plan to say. Don’t get involved in making further expectations. Just keep repeating that you cannot accomodate extra guests.

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