(Closed) Guest RSVP’d adding a child… No-kids wedding, advice please.

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Thanks for the update.  I scrunch my nose at your aunt. 🙂  Way to stick to your guns!

Post # 18
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Trust me, been there, done that. In my case, the cousin who wanted her kid to attend also wanted her sisters two kids there and enlisted another family member to try to bully me/lobby for their attendance. She even went so far as to say, “Well I know that ‘other cousin’s’ kids are coming so that’s not fair, you’r eplaying favorites and excluding our kids…” Um, no, ‘other cousin’s ‘ kids are IN the wedding.

I know it isn’t easy, but try to remember that this is a party that you and your Fiance are hosting and as hosts, not only do you get to determine the guest list, but you also get to feel perfectly fine about your decisions and you don’t have to justify them to anyone.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 19
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is frustrating. I’m hoping we don’t have this problem but am sure we will. We had to cut out kids, second cousins as well as we just can’t afford that. Lots of my cousins have kids but I hope they understand.

I’m glad you were able to talk to your cousin about it and that she will figure it out.

Post # 20
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry people are making this difficult for you, but kuddos to you for picking up the phone and making that difficult call. 

You are 100% within your rights to not want the child to attend.  Don’t beat yourself up over your decision!  I’m running into the same issue with my family (they are acting like I’m serving children for the main course at dinner rather than choosing to not invite them to the reception), so know you aren’t alone.  This is such a sensitive issue for many families that tensions are certain to run a little high over the subject.

Post # 21
Member
26 posts
Newbee

This happened to my friend – If your invitation clearly said no children or the like you either call them and let them know that children are not invited or you just suck it up. I clearly specified ADULTS ONLY on my reception card and invitation and did not run into this problem (yet).

 

 

Post # 22
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have been going thru the same and just wanted to send you some kudos for being strong.  This has been more difficult than I ever imagined but it is important to stand by what we want.  I hope its your only guest that trys this.

Post # 23
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

CALL THEM! You can be nice about it. Just explain  “Hi soandso, We just received your invitation and are so thrilled you can make it. We noticed you added on a guest for “child’s name” We are having an adult only reception. I apologize if there was any confusion. And from there play it by year. If they come back with “Well we can’t come unless we bring (childs name)” just reply back ” That’s too bad, we really were hoping to have you both join us, there’s plenty of notice to find a sitter, perhaps a grandparent or aunt/uncle?” If they don’t accept that graciously A. they don’t seem like they are understanding people anyways…ahaha B. think of it as 2 less mouths to feed 🙂

 

There is no reason to have to pay for a plate of food the child probably won’t eat, and have him be the only kid there bored and complaining OR hyper off soda and sweets.

That may be another outlet if they are reluctant to meet your “no children request” You can say ” This is an Adult Only Wedding, I had to address another family about this matter too. At this point if other’s see a child there, they will be questioning why their’s were not allowed. I apologize for the confusion”–A little white lie couldn’t hurt 😉

Post # 24
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I just noticed you spoke with the person..oh well..for others reading..maybe they will find it helpfulWink

Post # 25
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That’s right, stick to your guns! I had the same approach as you – no kids, except for our immediate nieces and nephews who were all in the wedding. I had an aunt who asked for an exception for my cousins’ kids, TWICE, and I had to tell her, “I’m sorry, but that would not be fair to my other cousins or his side of the family.” Pulling the fairness card can come in handy… making exceptions really is NOT fair to others who are being respectful of your wishes. The best thing to do is have a clear line (i.e., only the kids in the wedding) and stick to it, no matter what. You do have to practice saying, with a smile on your face and a sweet tone in your voice, “I’m SO sorry, but that’s what Fiance and I agreed to, and I will completely understand if you can’t make it.”

Post # 26
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I haven’t read the replies, so sorry if I repeat!

We dealt with the same thing. We actually had two people RSVP back that they were bringing kids. These weren’t family members we were particularly close to, so we had our moms do the dirty work. They explained our situation (in this case, mostly a space constraint), and people were okay with it. I know you don’t want to deal with this, but you really have to. You can’t let one child come while refusing to allow others.

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