Post # 1
Okay. We had a plan! We knew that the people we called to tell that we were engaged were people that we knew we would be inviting to the wedding. We also came up with a “story line” for those who we knew would wonder if they were invited once the word got out.
Well, not so much a story, as a “We’d love for you to be able to come, but we had to really keep the guest list to family and family friends.” so that there would be no hard feelings. I was prepared! The future Mr. T was not. He did not think that people would actually go so far as to invite themselves, or insist that they were coming when we hadn’t told them they were invited.
I actually had a co-worker tell me that she was going to gift us videography for our wedding. I had to tell her that I wasn’t inviting anyone from work, so we would not feel comfortable accepting a gift of that size from her. She was crestfallen. She then proceeded to try to talk me into inviting her anyway?!? I held the line!
We have had people from church tell us that they would like to come. One even said, “I know this is rude to say, but I really want to come to your wedding.”
Mr. T had one if his friends call him when she found out, and say “Well, I know I’m invited!”
It is nice that so many people want to share our day, but as you know from my previous post, our guest count is already higher than expected. Also, I would never dream to tell someone that I expected to be invited to their wedding.
How about you Bees? Have you had a lot of guest want-to-be’s? How have you delat with it?
Post # 3
I had a few, and had a very small wedding. We were firm and would emphasize how small our wedding was. I think that for some people, they didn’t get that “small wedding” meant “so small that we would not be able to invite you,” so for those people I had to reiterate that by small I meant just 35 guests.
Post # 4
I’m so with you. People inviting themselves, and I don’t want to make them feel badly but I also can’t afford to invite them…
Post # 5
I just had a long talk with my Fiance about his growing guest list. He’s asking people for their address and telling them they’re getting an invitation but when I ask him about his list he springs the news on me. Then when I get upset he says well they just won’t get an invite then. I tried to tell him how rude that is and that they’r enot going to be expecting one but at the same time we have got to keep our list short. I am only inviting 1 coworker but my boss asked me last week when was I getting married and I reluctantly gave her the date. I did quickly mention that we were having a small wedding, a really small wedding and hoped she wouldn’t ask anything else. She then went on about throwing me a shower….insert guilt here.
Post # 6
I’m having a similar problem. I don’t know what I’ll end up doing. I would never assume I’m invited to someones wedding, unless it was my best friend or sister!
I’m in school and graduating a a week before our wedding, I know I won’t talk to or see most of the girls in my class after graduation. I’ve had two girls at different times say so we’re all invited to the wedding right? This was in a group of people! One girl asked 3 times! I tried several different lines just saying we were trying to limit guests or it was a smaller event and it didn’t work too well!
Post # 7
We just say that we are planning a very small wedding to keep costs down (about 45 people, including us and the bridal party). Our neighbor, whom I have never met before (but is FH’s childhood friend’s mother), asked if we were going to send her an invitation, even after we told her we are having a small wedding. FH hadn’t spoken with her or her son in years and I had never even met her before this happened. No, sorry, you’re not invited.
FH’s friend and his girlfriend were on our small guestlist, but then his friend broke up with said girlfriend. We were only going to invite the girlfriend because we were letting guests in relationships bring their SOs. But since they broke up, we don’t need to invite the girlfriend anymore and he doesn’t get to bring a +1 anymore (the invitations have not been sent out yet, so he didn’t know that we were changing his invite).
Then I overhear FH saying “Oh, I’ll invite you with a guest anyway.” Um, no, you won’t. Sorry. I’m not spending $100+ for someone I don’t even know to attend my wedding (since he knows at least 15 other people who will be there, I don’t think he needs to bring a guest). So I went over to them to say, “Oh, if you can’t find a guest, don’t worry. No one else is bringing guests either.” I was thinking, “Ugh, FH, was I talking to myself about our guestlist issues???” Needless to say, we will NOT be inviting him with a +1, and I had a talk with FH about promising people they will be invited with a +1. Luckily, he hasn’t done that since. :):
Post # 8
Ugh, I have a lot of guest wannabe’s at work. People who formerly had no interest in my personal life are now nicey-nice to me and, yes, asking if they will be invited. I will feel somewhat guilty for not inviting them because I work in a tight-knit arts organization, but honestly some seem to only want to be invited for their own reasons (there are often immature politics at work) and not because they really want to share our special day. I know I’ll probably be dubbed the “bitchy bride” at work for a while. Oh well.
Post # 9
Are not having money or space the only reasons to not invite somebody who wants to be invited?
We have a limited space and budget, but we know some folks that I just don’t want at my wedding for I want my wedding to be a more intimate occasion. I don’t want anybody there because I feel bad or obligated.
Would anybody ever tell a wanna-be-guest, “I am sorry, but we are only inviting people we feel close to and I don’t think our relationship warrants an invite?”
Post # 10
This totally happened to me. I went to a political roast a few weeks ago. The person of honor asked me about the wedding (he is on the invite list) I was explaining to him about our change of date, since so many people wanted to talk to him a lot of people over heard our conversation and went ahead and invited themselves. These are not people I could say no to, high level politicians. It added at least thirty people to our guest list. Our wedding is in the summer which is the off season for politics so they will all show. Uuugghhh. I am just hoping that we have enough room for every one.
Post # 11
@stacycats: While budget and space are pretty big factors, we are only inviting people that we are really close to. People that we beleive will support our marriage, not just on that day, but for the entirety of our marriage.
Keeping that in mind is really helping us keep the “want-to-be’s” out of the guest list 🙂
Post # 12
We would love to invite everyone, but we simply can’t afford it. We’ve had a few people say that they want to come, but (knock wood) no one has been terribly pushy about it.
Post # 13
I didn’t have people ask me personally but i had people ask my mom and brothers. So i figured the choice was up to them, especially since my parents were paying for it.
Post # 14
At $60 a head I can’t afford everyone I’ve ever shook hands with. A lot of people just assumed they were coming. I had so many people FB inbox me their addresses for their invites and STD’s because I “hadn’t asked yet so they thought they would take the initiative.” I didn’t ask for a reason.
Post # 15
I cannot believe how common it is for people to invite themselves. Ack!! How presumptuous!
My FH and I attended an out-of-state memorial service for his aunt a couple of months ago. A friend of hers (whom I had never met before and FH doesn’t like much) walked up and congratulated us on our engagement. Then she said, “Oh I’ll be in Florida later this year – let me know when the wedding is, I’d love to come!” What?? Who does that?? Fortunately, I can simply ignore that one.
And just this week, I received an RSVP from my FH’s boss. We had invited him and his wife only. He wrote in that FIVE people will be attending. I don’t think so!!! FH will be setting him straight this week… ugh.
Post # 16
gawd. i don’t even know. we had an offsite at work a few weeks ago and one of my former co-workers asked me (in front of about 10 other former co-workers) “so we’re all invited, right?” eesh, c’mon people! where are your manners?!