(Closed) Guest who attend wedding and not leave a congrats card or gift???

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you want them to be there then invite them. Your guests are there to celebrate with you and the reception is for YOU to thank THEM- not collect your bounty. Its in really poor taste for you to be so concerned with what you get in return. Youre supposed to be hosting them. Even BYOB parties you should still be gracious enough to find them a drink rather than enforcing your rules.

They were rude to text that however.

Post # 17
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
chevaldame :  How do you know that they are cheap and inconsiderate? Do you not think that it is a possibility that they simply cannot afford to bring a gift, but want to support their friends life events by physically attending?

Or perhaps they don’t believe in gifting for birthdays etc.

Who knows. Either way, if you are offended that a friend didn’t give you a gift for something, then you are focusing on the wrong aspect of a friendship. 

Post # 18
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If there’s someone you wouldn’t want to be at your wedding whether or not they bring a gift, don’t invite that person. It’s that simple. Some people just don’t do gifts, and you’ll never change that about them, whether or not it’s rude in a given situation. You’re inviting people because you want them to celebrate with you, not so they’ll give you a gift.

Post # 19
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

View original reply
VintageGirl1020 :  I think it’s a little odd they text about being invited, however a gift should never be expected. They are very nice to get but not everyone will give one. I personally didn’t pick my list by who’s going to give gifts but I did leave people out based on how I view the friendship level. 

Post # 20
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m probably going to repeat a lot of the same advice you’ve already heard. It sounds like these people aren’t family or even terribly close friends, so why worry about inviting them? They were rude to text and basically fish for an invite. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, so invite who you want. Use whatever excuse like venue size, budget, etc. if you want a graceful out. But also keep in mind that it’s considered rude to expect gifts. I sometimes think it’s silly to have a double standard of “It’s rude to show up without a gift” and “It’s rude to expect a gift,” but it is what it is.

For what it’s worth, I understand your frustration. I have three cousins on my dad’s side of the family that are sisters, and they have gotten baby showers for every single child, multiple showers for weddings, and my parents have always been good to give gifts. They have never sent a single thank-you card or even acknowledged the gifts. They showed up to my wedding and complained about staying for photos because they were hungry and didn’t even leave a card. I think they would have said they couldn’t afford an expensive wedding gift due to having families to feed, but just about anyone can afford a Dollar Tree card or make a card. Sure, I thought it was rude, but I never said anything and wasn’t surprised in the least. 

I never judge when people rant about stuff like this on the Bee, but just make sure to keep any comments about gifts (or lack thereof) to yourself when talking with wedding guests. Another cousin of mine just got married, and during her thank-you speech, she actually said, “Thank you all for coming, and especially for your gifts.” I think she meant it tongue-in-cheek and later sounded remorseful for what she said, but I still think it was out of line. Best of luck with wedding planning! 

Post # 21
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like you’re paying a lot of attention to what these people are bringing you every time you have an event. Maybe you just don’t like them, and you shouldn’t invite them for that reason. Otherwise, this is sounding very petty and ego-driven. We’ve hosted a lot of parties and I can’t remember who brought a bottle of wine and who didn’t.

Post # 22
Member
4063 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You host a party to celebrate with the people you love, not to collect presents.  It doesn’t sound like you love these folks very much, and that is ok! But don’t exclude them because of their lack of a gift, there may be more to it that you have no idea about. 

Post # 24
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
VintageGirl1020 :  Unless its a very close friend I dont bring gifts or cards to adults’ birthday parties. I dont think most people expect them either past childhood.

If you dont like them, dont invite them though.

Post # 26
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I’m not a card person, so I don’t buy them and don’t like receiving them. 

The text was very rude, but if you don’t want them there, don’t invite them.

Post # 28
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

[content moderated for name calling/personal attack]

Post # 29
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
VintageGirl1020 :  Are you going to frame this card? Why is it so important to you? It’d be great if they bring one, but they won’t. Will it really ruin that much for you to miss out on a “99 cent card”

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