(Closed) Guest who I thought was a friend

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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neverthoughtit12 :  I promise you there is a man out there who will, one day, be SO grateful you chose to walk away from your now-FI who called you a loser.  That man will cherish you and make your days brighter.  Please, walk away from your Fiance.  He does not deserve you.  Another man does.

Post # 47
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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neverthoughtit12 :  Pick up and leave, just like that. You don’t have to make arrangements for every little thing before you go. Take the problems as they come. This deposit lost? Okay. That friend lost? fine. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Tell yourself that every f-ing day. It’s 100% true. You are not in too deep. It is NEVER too late. You deserve more. Please leave. Take up a nice hobby. Fill your time. Move on. Be happy. It’s possible. 

Post # 48
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

How do you leave? You take a big breath and rip off that bandaid. Pack your car full of the stuff you want and drive away. You. Just. Leave. Understand that it will hurt, you will feel so many conflicting emotions and your conditioned instincts will tell you to return. Stand strong. Don’t drag it out, and repeat your self serving and empowering mantra every day as often as you need to so you can stay strong.

You’ve worked way to hard to elevate yourself to be dragged down by this guy. Good luck, girl. You can do it.

Post # 49
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

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almostdonestudent :  It’s beyond me how they manage to twist it in their heads that this behavior is ok?

Post # 50
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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Sunshine528 :  I know! i think it’s a mob mentality, like if they Are acting like that then it’s okay to be a jerk. People don’t think that maybe the entire group might be wrong. 

In my case my SO (of 4 years at this point) had a hard time saying no to people and was very codependent on his friends. He literally would not make plans without asking them what they were doing, every single day. I refuse to date someone that isn’t independent anymore.

Post # 51
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You plan on marrying a man that calls you “socially retarded” and a “loser without friends”?  This in my opinion is the real issue here.  Forget Emma, you don’t owe her an invite but know that could cause issue if you continue to associate with her and her circle of friends.

Post # 52
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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neverthoughtit12 :  Honestly I think you both have issues. I think you are super, duper insecure and I think your Fiance knows this and uses this to hurt you when he is mad. Might want to postpone to see if you can straighten all this out before you’re stuck with him forever.

Post # 53
Member
349 posts
Helper bee

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almostdonestudent :  It’s hard to make decisions when one is in the middle of things, emotions are all over the place, one is confused, fear of the unknown, and partially we start to believe that this is all that there is – but it’s not. There is so much more out there – rephrase, there is so much BETTER out there, that all we need to do, is give ourselves a chance of life and happiness.

I’m glad that you took a stand.

Post # 54
Member
13548 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s not hard to see why you are still with this man considering the terrible advice your mother is giving you and what a bad role model her own marriage seems to be. 

No, it’s not normal for a Fiance or a H to call you a bitch, to mock you and to put you down with insults. OP, this is as good as it gets with this man. After you’re married, there is not even one doubt that it will only get worse.

While I am so sorry you don’t have the full support of your family, you are never in too deep. Walk away or move out and cancel the wedding. It’s just money. This is your life and you’re worth so much more. 

The Emma thing pales in comparison but you keep talking as if Emma planned this whole thing. For all you know she had nothing to do with it. As others say, it could have been discussed and in the works for awhile. It could even be a surprise party. You criticized her for getting her friends to send out the invitation, but actually, it’s entirely appropriate for someone other than the guest of honor to host. 

Without knowing the details I think you may have jumped to some unfair conclusions on that score. 

Post # 55
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Id rather have no friends then these kind of friends. What bitches 

Also your Fiance is an ass. I have social anxiety and my husband talks me through every single tiny anxiety..if he called me retarded Id be gone

Eta: i just read your update and am so amazingly proud of you for knowing you need to leave. There is NO SHAME in leaving an asshole 

Post # 56
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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ButternutPoppy :  Please read her update… I think there is a reason she is feeling so insecure

Post # 57
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

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Sunshine528 :  I’m glad I did too, I found someone much much better for me. I also made a crap ton of friends and had a lot of adventures after the split. I’m sad when I look back in it sometimes because I thought he was it, but your soul mate would never put you in that position.

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