Post # 1
One of my guests (my FI’s brother’s wife…sooo his SIL) is allergic to seafood. For this reason my Mother-In-Law has asked that I don’t serve any seafood at my wedding. However, my family and many of my guests LOVE seafood…especially my parents who are paying for the wedding. My mom has said there is no way she is not having seafood served at the wedding. Seafood makes for some of the best appetizers!
At events we’ve all been to, I’ve seen my FI’s brother and his wife make big scenes if there is seafood and up and leave (almost in a very immature, embarassing way). I DO understand that she’s allergic and I understand that’s a big issue- but the chefs at my venue have already said that they handle seafood allergies often and her food will not be cross contaminated.
We took my Mother-In-Law out for Mother’s Day and she asked again that we do not have seafood. I don’t know what to do. What would you do? We have 255 people on the guest list..do we let 1 dictate the menu? Do any of you suffer from a seafood allergy that is so severe you can’t be in the same room as the food?
Any advice/opinions is appreciated.
Post # 4
@Razzmatazz: I had a destination wedding in Cuba and my uncle is severely allergic to shellfish but only if it is ingested and shellfish is served ALOT on trpoical vacations. I ordered him a special meal that did not include the lobster and the other seafood and he was fine! No offense but your brothers wife sounds like a bit of an exaggerator
Post # 5
I recently went to a friend’s wedding where one of my friend’s SO was allergic to seafood, and he just didn’t eat it…
Post # 6
@sweetchiquita12: I know. I think that they blow it way out of proportion…if it’s really SO severe, how does she go out to eat (they do often!). They claim she can’t be in the same room as seafood. Also, someone can’t touch seafood and then touch her.
My Fiance and I are not close to his brother and his wife…it’s not that we don’t get along we are just very different people with nothing in common. And I am trying really hard to be sympathetic, but they really do exaggerate things often!
Post # 7
It’s hard to say. She might be causing more of a fuss than she needs to, but she might actually be severly allergic. One example I can think of is a person with a major peanut allergy who experiences symtoms if they kiss somebody who recently ate something with peanuts in it – the smallest exposure could harm her. I just don’t know if seafood allergies can get that severe. I see that the couple has left events where seafood was served, so I guess it can’t just be as easy as asking her directly if she’s ok with seafood being served at your wedding. Her answer will be “no”.
Argh, this is a really tough question! My instinct would be to go ahead and create a menu that uses seafood, but have your Fiance talk to his brother and say “look, serving seafood is unavoidable, but we understand FSIL’s dietary restrictions. Please know that we are making sure to provide a special dish that’s safe for her to eat. You’re both important to us, and we want you to enjoy yourselves, so we just wanted to let you know in advance so you aren’t surprised on the day of.”
Post # 8
If she cannot be in the same room as seafood then she should stay home in her bubble. I understand some people have allergies but she is being ridiculous.
Post # 9
@Razzmatazz: I understand people want to respect others allergies but I dont think you shouldn’t give up the stuff you want for your wedding for that one person. I have severe allergies to food and I just dont eat the things I cant. Like you said if her allergies are soooo severe..she def would not be able to eat out at restaurants as much as she does!!!! I know what it’s like to not be close with a family member cause you have nothing in common…I have the same issue!
Post # 10
I would not let one person dictate the menu for 255. My daughter is allergic to seafood (shrimp). If there is any on the menu, she doesn’t eat it. Simple as that.
Post # 11
I have a severe shellfish allergy – I can’t even touch it w/out getting hives, and I carry an epipen because if I accidentally eat something w/ fish sauce in it, I’m donezo. But I would NEVER EVER expect someone to cater their wedding around me. If I was honestly that worried about it, I would bring a granola bar or something! Caterers deal with these requests all the time, if she can’t accept that they will make her a separate dish, then she just shouldn’t go. My mom is allergic to almost everything, so our caterer made her a separate plate in a different pan than everyone else’s and she was fine. Seriously, that girl sounds like total drama.
Post # 12
Tell your caterer (sounds like you already have). You could always explain to the caterer that the guest with the allergy is quite “sensitive” and ask that the caterer stop by that guest’s table as they are settling in for dinner to explain that they are fully aware of the allergy and have made sure to take every precaution. This way, your guest feels like she is in good hands and if she still flips out, then your Future Mother-In-Law will be able to see what a giant baby she is being.
I’ve got a food allergy myself and would trust my host to have the caterer look out for me; I would never expect the entire menu to revolve around me, nor would I make a scene over it. I totally understand someone with a food allergy wanting to be safe but I think your Future Sister-In-Law is being a brat.
ETA: if her allergies are so severe that she will go into anaphylactic shock, then I trust she will have her Epi pen with her.
Post # 13
The tricky thing is that, with all the hugging and kissing and hand-shaking that typically goes on at weddings, what with greeting old friends and family and meeting the new ones, it’s really hard to guarantee she won’t get exposed. You can take measures to be sure her food isn’t cross-contaminated, but if the allergy is bad, she has a legit worry about getting exposed via contact with other guests.
Post # 14
By “seafood” do you mean fish and shellfish or just shellfish? If it’s just shellfish, what about having fish options but no shellfish?
Post # 15
@Phamnomenon: I know it, I think just last week someone passed away because they were kissed by someone who ate peanuts…so sad!! That means that is was ingested though…which would mean she just can’t eat it- right?
🙁 Tough spot. I think it really comes down to what my parents want to do since they are the ones paying.
Post # 16
Given that they are family, perhaps you could sit down with them (not your FI’s mom) and ask them directly about the nature of her allergy. Is it all seafood? What is her reaction? How do they manage at restaurants? Since they eat out often, they must have a strategy!
This way, if she is exaggerating then she’ll be stumped at the restaurant question. Or will need to give you their strategy and then you can say– “Oh thanks, we’ll be sure to use that same approach at the wedding to make sure you are safe”. And then do it. Like perhaps, they ask the waiters to be sure to wash their hands before bringing her food, or ensure the chef does not place her food near seafood, or whatever it is, just pass it along to the venue.This way, you’ve done your bit based on the info they gave you.
If she really isn’t exaggerating, then safety is really important.