Post # 1
We have two guests attending our wedding who are gluten-free and vegan. My original thought was that this would not be a problem, and that we would choose a dish that was naturally gluten-free and vegan to serve to all of our vegetarian friends, as well as those who are vegan and/or gluten free. I came up with a number of suggestions and forwarded these to our vegan/gluten-free guests (roasted eggplant with lemon and sumac on a bed of aztec grains; or soba noodles with mango, tofu, and eggplant). Their response was that they don’t eat eggplant. No problem, I said. We can replace with zucchini or portobello mushrooms. This prompted a reply with all of the foods that they don’t eat including: tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, eggplant, buckwheat, any tofu that isn’t grilled, and more. I do have some ideas that might accomodate them, but at this point I’m worried that they will find fault with these suggestions too. They have requested that they be able to call and speak to the chef to have their own personalized meals prepared. I’d like to avoid making more work for the venue if at all possible. However, I’m worried that if we don’t give into their demands we will start a conflict between them and the groom’s parents (or worse, ourselves and the groom’s parents). Is this one of those times that I should say “sorry, we just can’t accomodate you”?
Post # 2
pennyk: I don’t know why you even sent them the suggestions to be honest with you. I had a guest that was gluten-free at our wedding, I forwarded this information to my venue and they said they will provide a food option for this person. If I go to somebody’s wedding/party I don’t get picky with the food they provided, if I don’t like something I pick it out…you can’t accomodate everybody. There’s too much stress involved in wedding planning to try to appease everyone attending.
Post # 3
You get to choose your menu. If you are accommodating their dietary needs – ie gluten free and vegan – then that’s as far as you need to go. Pick a menu that you like, and if they don’t want to eat it, they are welcome to bring their own food.
I don’t love chicken, but if that’s what is served at a wedding, I eat it.
Post # 4
pennyk: Wow, what they lack in food options they more than make up for in nerve.
At this point, just send them what the meal will be. Don’t ask, tell. You can include something like “I’m sorry if this doesn’t work for you but it’s the best we could do with the caterer we’ve chosen.”
It’s one meal for God’s sake, they’re being ridiculous.
Post # 5
As a vegetarian, I can say that my diet restrictions are rarely considered at a wedding. If (by some chance) the bride/groom were amazing enough to have even taken my diet into consideration, I’d eat whatever was on my plate and be happy– even if there was a certain vegetable I did not like! Will your meat eating guests get the same treatment? If not, just do what you think is best and let them pick around the icky plants on their plate.
ETA: your options sound delicious. I’ll be waiting for my invite in the mail. 😉
Post # 6
You are providing them perfectly good options. You don’t ask your other guests if what you’re serving is acceptable to them, so they don’t get to dictate what you serve if you’re already making an effort to accommodate them.
Post # 7
If these aren’t actual allergies, I would just tell them that there will be a gluten free/vegan meal available for them. I wouldn’t even tell them what’s in it and I definitely wouldn’t give them any info to contact the chef, that’s crazy. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out crazy meals for them
I have a severe nut allergy and while I mention it I have no expectation to be able to eat the food so if they said that they can’t accommodate I just eat beforehand no big deal.
One girl at my wedding, when I asked her if she had any food allergies, said vegetables lol I asked her if this was a real allergy or a preference, she said preference so I told her she can just not eat the veggies. My Maid/Matron of Honor has celiac so we gave her a special meal and had a vegetarian option available but no one ordered it. I would definitely accommodate an allergy but not all that weirdness
Post # 8
Oh brother. You have been more than gracious in attempting to accommodate their dietary concerns, they do not need to contact the chef regarding personalized meals – it is a wedding not a restaurant where they get to place their special orders. Let them pick around the ingredients they don’t like just as any other guest would do with their meal.
Post # 9
No. Unless they don’t eat eggplant because they’re allergic, then tough. I think it’s great you’re accomodating them with gluten and vegan meals, but they don’t get to talk with the chef.
A close friend of mine was a vegatarian and was diagnosed with celiac about 12 years ago. She can (and does) end up in the hospital if she eats something with gluten in it. What does she do when she’s unsure there will be a Girlfriend option that’s also veggie friendly? BRINGS HER OWN FOOD. She would *never* ask to speak with a chef to personalize her meal because she doesn’t like X,Y,Z…
What happens when Uncle Sue finds out you’re only serving chicken or fish for the ‘regular’ meals- but oh no, she only likes filet… does she get to talk to the chef too?
Post # 10
The vegan Girlfriend menu we are provding is X with sides of Y and Z and will also have salad for everyone. I have notified our venue of dietary restrictions so they have approved for you to bring in outside snacks should you not wish to eat what is provided for you. Look forward to seeing you at the wedding”
A good friend of mine actually had a guest from her wedding CALL HER CATERER behind her back to ask what the menu was demand a different gluten free meal than what my friend had already chosen… needless to say they are not friends any longer. Some people can be so entitled and presumptuous
Post # 11
I think at some point a line has to be drawn here. Yes as hosts we want to make sure our guests are comfortable, but as guests we also have to be reasonable. If I’m allergic to something, I would like the host to be aware and let me know so I can avoid an allergy. However if they are serving food I dislike, then I either don’t eat it or suck it up and eat it.
We have a similar situation happening except we’re having a ten course meal plus three desserts. So I said to my Fiance that if they like, I can request a vegetarian version, but otherwise they can pick what they can eat out of the ten or we can take them out for dinner one day to make up for it. But we can’t individually accommodate everyone. Thankfully the guest said they’ll just eat a bit of something before the wedding and eat what can be eaten at the event itself.
I would just abandon this road you’re on and call your venue to let them know you have gluten-free vegan guests. If you feel like forwarding the venue some of your guests’ preferences, then go for it, but otherwise you did your duty. Do not let your guests talk to the chef.
Post # 12
They have some nerve.
Dietary restrictions and allergies…fine, accomodate away. But preferences don’t need to be taken into account, otherwise you’ll be making an individual meal for every guest. If they don’t like it, they can pick it out or eat before they come.
Post # 13
WTF… im a veggie with allergies but as long as its safe to eat ill eat it – ive never met a veggie or vegan that doesnt eat ANY of them (I mean given the choice I dont like pepper, onion or tomato but I will eat it if someone goes to the trouble of making it for me, if it a simple thing like a tomato slice in a salad etc… id just pick it out subtly)
stop giving them a choice… only legitimate concerns (health, religon or morals) should stand… not even these fad diets and picky eaters can go to hell lol they just make those of us with actual problems look bad
Post # 14
They sound very needy and self-centered. There’s a difference between dietary restrictions (such as being vegan or kosher or gluten-free) and food preferences. Not liking eggplant or tomatoes is a preference, and that’s the kind of thing that people just need to deal with at a wedding.
Tell them that because you have many other guests, the chef is not going to be able to create a special meal just for them. Then reiterate their options and let them choose what to do from there.
Post # 15
Wow! I have food allergies and I don’t expect someone to cater to me. The only time I would expect someone to take into account my food limitations is if it is an event hosted by my parents or sister. These people are being over the top. You have already taken into account their limited diet. They don’t get to be picky eaters on top of that. You have done more than enough for these people!!