Guestlist fights – fiance wants to invite two friends he's dated

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
3099 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I know people who have invited former boyfriends/girlfriends to their wedding. I’m not sure there is no hard and fast rule. Do you not trust your fiancé? These are friends who he keeps in touch with so it would be pretty rude to block her from the wedding just because she had a few dates with him. Is there a reason why you don’t trust him?

Post # 3
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I think you’re looking at it from the wrong POV – the incident with the other friend should be used as a positive thing. He cut out someone who was unhealthy to your relationship, that’s great! Why don’t you trust him to do the same with other women/friends? Are you only comfortable with the other friend because she’s gay? Even though they had the exact same “level” of intimacy (dates/crush, making out). 

Post # 4
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I’m all about being friends with exes–one of my best friends is an ex boyfriend.  HOWEVER, it sounds like your fiance REALLY has boundary issues.  Especially if he’s so defensive about you wanting to get to know that friend better.  I think talking to his counselor about that is good, and also maybe couples counseling for you both.  

Post # 5
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know how you’re getting married, and yet haven’t really met his best friend.

How does that happen?

Post # 6
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

BIG RED FLAGS-  1) he kept entertaining a woman who had romantic interest in him for at least 17 months. She was rude, dismissive and actively attempting to sabotage your relationship.

2) he conveniently forgot to tell you he met his other friend on bumble and that they went on a few dates/ kissed. 

3) he’s blaming YOU for being uncomfortable with this friendship after he has proved that he has shit boundaries with women, is capable of misleading you for months about the nature of other women’s interest in him, and are only asking for transparency.

Your fiance is NOT a victim here.  Be careful about hitching your wagon to a ladies’ man.

Post # 7
Member
13755 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Not at all irrational. You’re seeing the same exact character flaws that caused the earlier situation, a self centered and stubborn refusal to put you first. 

Your fiance ought to be doing whatever he can to reearn your trust, not only for resisting the need to cut off the woman with feelings for him and disrespect for you, but for his recent behavior as well. 

You’ve been more than patient in a situation that I think many women would have considered a dealbreaker. I think you’re being entirely reasonable to want to be introduced and included in a friendship that has romantic origins as a condition of inviting her or to say you’re uncomfortable with her being there at all. His reaction and refusal is a huge red flag. To tell you the truth I’m not sure I believe a thing he’s told you about their past. 

When is the wedding? How long have you been together? I don’t think he’s ready and might be rethinking the whole thing myself. Couples counseling at the very minimum. 

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

“I’m frustrated, feel angry, sad, and just hate this guest list process

No.  What you are hating is the fact that your fiance wants to invite a former date to your wedding but doesn’t want you to get to know this woman yourself.

It’s not as if you are refusing to allow him to invite female friends to your wedding.  This is you saying that you’d like to meet up with people via zoom so that you have had at least some brief conversation with all your wedding guests before meeting them at the wedding.  This is extremely reasonable.  What is unreasonable is your fiance’s attitude toward this.

Either he wants to keep his friendship with this woman exclusive, so that you never get to know her.  Or there is more to the relationship than he’s admitting, and he’s scared if you end up talking to her pre wedding, she’s going to let something out.  

In either case, it’s not good.

Post # 10
Member
3099 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
@katey1234:  This doesn’t bode well for your future marriage. It seems like the guest list process shouldn’t be so contentious!! His angry response is concerning but so is how much you are worrying about this friend of his. You obviously don’t trust him. He is responding by lashing out. Are you sure that you should get married?

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

If he’s happy to schedule a zoom call and wants you to be friends with her, then just do that?  

Post # 13
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@katey1234:  If he hasn’t spoken to her in months, then why does he want to invite her to the wedding?  And the excuse about time zones between London and Canada is rubbish – I live in Britain and manage to call/zoom family and friends in New Zealand and Australia (which have a much bigger time difference) as well as Canada, without all this drama.

Post # 14
Member
13755 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@katey1234:  That’s fairly suspicious. I think there is a good chance he’s lying to you about the duration or extent of their relationship. If it’s that inconvenient to have a phone call then what does he think inviting her to attend an overseas wedding would be? 

I agree that the time zone excuse is BS.

Post # 15
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

He wants you to get to know his friend, but he can’t set up a call. He says he knows where you’re coming from, but he gets angry and defensive.

You realize his attitude don’t match his words or actions, and his response is super bizzare and uncalled for.

The most logical explanation is he doesn’t like being questioned and/or is trying to hide something about his relationship.

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