(Closed) Guestlist Vent (LONG.. I’m sorry)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@tranquility: #1 I dont think you should be guilted into inviting people that you do not want there. 

#2. Would you feel comfortable inviting the parents only?

Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@tranquility: I understand that.  It’s a tough decision but you have to keep in mind that you are your own person.  This is your day, not theirs.  If you have negative feelings about someone, don’t invite them…not for anyone!  I had to fight with my Fiance over this b#$#@ he is friends with being invited.  I won!  She wont be invited and I feel relieved that I don’t have to worry about her presence on my special day!

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I definitely would not invite their son.  No way.  And I wouldn’t take any c*ap about it.  If you feel too strongly about the parents to have a nice day with them in attendance, then don’t invite them.  You have already severed your ties with them.  This isn’t a new issue for you and them, so they probably won’t be that surprised.  It sounds like your parents aren’t going to pressure you to invite them, so they’ll get over it in time.

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be open to inviting the parents but not their son. The way they treated you was terrible, but their son should have been the one to apologize for his behaviour, and there’s no way in heck I would want to be in his presence again. But like the PPs have said, it’s your wedding, and you need to do what makes you comfortable. Chances are you’ll only see them for a few minutes, but if knowing they were there would make you feel weird, then don’t invite them. If you think you can deal with it, then invite them and make your mom happy. However, if you go with Option B, I would make it clear to mom that you’re doing it for her.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@tranquility: I think the other thing to think about (which I don’t agree with) is that parents will always jump to defend their children. So while what their son did was terrible, of course they’re going to side with him and I bet now that they realize that they behaved wrongly, they’re embarassed about the situation and don’t want to talk about it. They probably just want to move past it. Maybe inviting the parents to the wedding could be extending an olive branch to them?

Post # 11
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@tranquility: Grudges only hurt you.  If you were friends with these people up until this event and you know that they understand that you were in the right.  Can you not move past the event with the parents (I am not saying invite the son.) and allow them to be part of your day?

Post # 12
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Dont be talked into this!  If you dont feel comfortable, DO NOT INVITE THEM!  It is your day.

Post # 13
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I say no becasue obviously you’re going to feel very awkward around them and you don’t need that.

Post # 14
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s up to you whether you want to forgive them. In some ways it might be beneficial for you to let go of things. But be honest with yourself: if forgiving them means never speaking of this again and pretending it didn’t happen, is that going to be okay with you? Or do you need some closure before you move on? It’s not uncommon for victims of assault to feel that they need for others to recognize that it happened, and it can be painful and difficult if they feel people have forgotten or are ignoring it. If that’s true for you, you may have to essentially ask for an apology. I don’t mean go over to their house and say, “I’d like an apology,” but maybe you need to have a talk for closure. 

Although I understand that they’re not responsible for their son’s actions and they may be embarrassed and ashamed of the event, the person whose feelings matter in this scenario is you. In other words, while it might be easier for them to shove it under the rug and ignore that it happened, if them doing that is causing emotional pain for YOU, then you need to speak up IF you want to preserve your relationship with them. Otherwise, you’ll have to distance yourself because the resentment will just eat away at you. But it has to come from you because if they are indeed embarrassed (and probably are contrite), then they’re not going to bring it up, especially because they don’t know if doing that would be okay with you or if it’ll just bring up bad memories.  

So I guess my advice is (after all that) it appears that in the situation you are in now, you would be too uncomfortable with them there. So don’t invite them unless something’s done to change that comfort level. I think the olive branch, if you want to extend it, might have to be extended before the wedding; the wedding itself is probably not what you want to be the olive branch. 

 

Post # 16
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@JennyW1: I completely agree with this. You need closure. I wouldn’t think about the guest list anymore until this bigger issue is resolved.

The topic ‘Guestlist Vent (LONG.. I’m sorry)’ is closed to new replies.

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