(Closed) guests

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My view is that it is up to you and your Fiance who you want to surround yourselves with on your wedding day.

Now, are your FI’s parents contributing to the wedding $$? because that could be causing the sense of entitlement.

I would pick either dates or no dates, you can’t tell one he can bring his date and tell another he can’t. For the sake of each family member, I would go with no dates and be firm about it. They are adults, they can handle being at event without a date, they will have each other after all.

I would also tell them exactly what you wrote, that your budget simply does not allow for extra people. You and your Fiance need to be on the same page and stick to your guns together on this.

Guest lists are super stressful, good luck!!

Post # 5
4485 posts
Honey bee

It’s your wedding so you invite whomever you want since you only get to do this once. If your fiance doesn’t want them in attendance, they don’t get invites. Mother-In-Law can invite them to visit her on another occasion with her own money.

There is no etiquette book that says singles must be allowed dates. They are adults and surely know at least one other person they can socialize and enjoy themselves with. You are under no obligation whatsoever to allow random strangers you cannot afford. If someone doesn’t like it, too bad.

Post # 6
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I get you not wanting a family reunion but it’s pretty rude to allow some to bring guests and not others because you do not like the person. 


Post # 7
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@nyebride: 100% agree with you.  +1 or no guest is a hard and fast rule down the invite list.

Post # 9
2640 posts
Sugar bee

How long have your Father-In-Law and grandpa had these gfs?  To me that would depend on whether you have to invite them.  If they are long standing gfs, I think you have to invite them.  IMO.  I also feel for your Mother-In-Law a little.  If FIl gets to bring a gf, I think that Mother-In-Law hsould be allowed a date, if it makes her feel more comfy.

However, in the case of close family, particularly family who is helping to pay for the wedding, I think you are perfectly fine allowing your own parents dates, and not otehrs.  I would take issue with people who start calling foul because most people didn’t get dates, except the groom’s parents.  They deserve an exception.

Post # 10
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I may be biased, but I don’t see why you would exclude his grandpa’s gf.  I doubt he is switching gf’s every other month.  These are adults we are talking about, not teenagers or college-aged people.  I would suck it up and invite immediate family members and 1st degree relatives with significant others.    I’ve seen families torn apart for years over sillier things.  Is it worth the hurt and frustration?  To me, that’s the question you have to answer.  Don’t forget that not everyone on your list will say yes – we had a local wedding and invited 140 people and 90 came to the wedding.  


Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you and your Fiance.

Post # 11
1103 posts
Bumble bee

1. No, you don’t have to invite people you don’t want there. Especially if Future Mother-In-Law isn’t contributing enough to cover the extra costs. It’s yours and FI’s wedding day, not a family reunion as others have said.

2. I think allowing +1 is different to letting people bring their SOs. If Future Father-In-Law and grandpa’s GFs are long term SOs who are likely to be part of the family then I think they should be invited. This is different to letting Future Mother-In-Law find some random guy you don’t even know (where? on the internet?) to bring along as her date, IMO.

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