Post # 1
We’re getting married in Barcelona this fall and we have a few friends / relatives who have asked to bring guests. Maybe it’s because I’m in the middle of planning and everything is so expensive that it’s a little bit annoying, but I guess it’s a destination wedding and people are traveling from far away. We already gave guests who we knew were in a relationship a “& Guest” since we wanted to be courteous and it’s more fun to travel with your significant other and I don’t like the “engaged and married rule only”. But a few people have asked if they can bring someone else and I’m having to decide. We’re already over budget and have probably ~20-25 more people than anticipated. What would you do?
1 – My cousin asked if he could bring his girlfriend – they have been dating for 4 months, but he said that because his sister & dad couldn’t come, he was wondering if he could bring his girlfriend.
2 – I had invited one of my friends and her boyfriend (although I made the mistake of not specifying his name and just put &Guest, thinking she would know it was for her boyfriend, but I assumed wrong), and last I talked to her, she said he might not be able to make it but her friend who is moving to London this summer might come instead. Should I clarify I would rather not have a random person or just let it go?
3 – I have a handful of other single girlfriends, do I just let them bring anyone as their guest?
Post # 2
i had a desitnation wedding back in march, and we gave everyone a plus one, since not everyone wants to travel alone. we had a few friends bring a friend (some who we’ve never met), one brought a sister, etc. i have no regrets, and everyone had a much more enjoyable time, being able to make a vacation out of it. in the end, you know your budget and what you can do
Post # 3
At my Destination Wedding we gave every single guest a +1. It’s no fun traveling and basically going on vacation alone.
Post # 4
I would expect that every guest would be given a plus one to travel to a destination wedding. I could see some guests being reluctant to spend the time and money when they’re asked to travel single and leave their girlfriend/boyfriend at home, or simply go on vacation by themselves.
Post # 5
Etiquette dislikes most destination weddings as an unreasonable imposition of time and money on people. At the very least you should feel obligated to allow a travel companion or guest if you are asking them to take your idea of their vacation.
If one or both families actually lives in Barcelona, it’s not actually considered a destination wedding, though.
Post # 6
Agreed, I’d be very put off by being invited to a Destination Wedding and expected to travel solo.
Post # 7
I agree that every guest to a Destination Wedding ought to have a +1. Most people will have to book significant time off from work and use their vacation days in order to attend. If this is going to be their vacation for the year (and I would guess that it will be for many), they ought to be allowed a guest. Even if you choose not to accommodate their guests, I have no question that they will still be coming to the city and the hotel, if not the ceremony. It just isn’t reasonable to ask someone to travel alone or to leave their companion behind to attend your (very out-of-the-way, expensive and inconvenient to attend) wedding.
Oh, and if you sent an invitation with a +1, you can NOT rescind the offer since her boyfriend cannot attend. In that case, especially, you will need to accommodate whomever she chooses to bring.
Post # 8
Is everyone going to be traveling from the US? Is your fiancé’s family from Barcelona?
Personally I would not fly all the way to Europe by myself… I understand how expensive weddings are but in this scenario I think you need to give everyone a +1. If people are willing to spend thousands to come to your wedding they should be able to bring a guest. Just my two cents.
The only scenario where you might get away with it, is if your single girlfriends are all really close with one another.
Post # 9
If you have a budget, you have a budget. I wasn’t willing to go over budget on my wedding and certainly not to add people I didn’t know. I know people will say you should just make your invite list smaller but I didn’t want to leave people off of our list. It felt important to have them there with us- or to have invited them at the very least. I issued the invitations, some were for people without +1s, people were welcome to make their choices about attending for themselves.
I think you should let people know that you cannot accommodate their guests at your wedding but recognize that you have no say in who comes to Barcelona. Flying and travel is a lot to ask someone to do entirely on their own.
Another option is to keep your guest list as is for the ceremony and dinner (which are the most expensive parts) and then allow the extra guests to attend the dancing/party portion afterward.
PS- it’s always so curious to me how people read a thread where someone says “we are already over our budget” and then still respond “You have to give plus ones!” as though there’s a magic money tree or a river where dollars flow. Wherever y’all are getting this magic money from, please tell me, because I’m a signing up for it.
Post # 10
Yes you should absolutely allow every invited guest to bring someone! I would not want to travel all the way to Barcelona alone!
Post # 11
1. Yes – plus if you already invited 2 others who can’t attend, she’s only taking one of those spaces anyway. 2. No – go ahead and clarify you meant her boyfriend, not just a random buddy. 3. I’d consider it at least – personally I wouldn’t attend a destination wedding alone so without a guest, I wouldn’t go at all. No fun travelling to another country without some company, as you said!
Post # 12
Have to echo everyone else. It’s unacceptable to ask people to travel across the world and then not pay for one guest for them. They are spending a lot more money getting there than an extra plate will cost.
Post # 13
I went against the grain and said no to any strangers at our wedding as we actually wanted to elope and having 10ish people there was the compromise. Doesnt mean a guest cant travel with someone and everyone with a long term partner got a plus one but I didnt want some random “just met” person coming along.
Post # 14
1) That’s not a plus one. He’s in a relationship. Let him bring her.
2) You put “and guest” (etiquette faux pas — always invite by name). She can bring whomever she wants.
3) I think you should give everyone a plus one, even if they’re truly single. I wouldn’t have attended a Destination Wedding when I was single if I couldn’t travel with someone.
Post # 15
Unless you are ok with people simply not attending your wedding then you should allow everyone a +1 for a destination wedding. It’s not just the traveling alone but the sharing of accommodation etc. I’ve said no to a few DW’s because traveling alone and then paying to room alone (or with another single stranger) wasn’t worth my limited vacay time and money.