(Closed) Guests adding uninvited people to their RSVP cards?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Highly unlikely you can avoid it.  Someone (either bride, groom, MOB, MOG, whomever is closest to person) will have to make call, say very sorry, the invite was only for you and Mr.  Sorry if misunderstanding (which is BS if invite was addressed just to Mr and Mrs) and we hope you can make it.   MOB, BOG and Bride  and GRoom  MUST be on same page.  NO exceptions for people who whine.    If MOB or MOG, push back, oh why cant we just have so and so’s kids, then Bride or Groom MUST make the call.

Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We have only received half of our RSVP’s back so far, and this has only happened once.  My Fiance friend, and his wife were invited, and they added their child.  We are only inviting family’s kids, and even then, only if  we are close with them.  My Fiance wanted to just see if we had the room to allwo the child to attend.  I told him absolutely not, because I have close friends whose kids are not invited, while we hardly ever see this couple, and never their child.  It wouldnt be fair to allow their kid, and not kids we are closer with to attend.  So I had him call this friend and just explain, that we just do not have room, and have not invited other friends kids either.  Family only.  They were OK with it, but not everyone will be.  

Post # 4
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

unfortunately, if you use the search function on this site, you’ll see that this is a super common issue.  The only extra thing she could’ve done would have been to fill in the RSVP cards for them, but that would make it hard for a couple to let you know only one of them will be attending (though of course they can just cross out the guest who won’t be).

She’ll need to call them up and let them know.  It sucks, but again–super common. :-/

Post # 5
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yep, nothing can be done to avoid this besides making your invitations seem hostile.

Best way to deal with this is on a case-by-case basis, a telephone call is necessary.

Post # 6
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Unfortunately I don’t think there’ s a 100% effective method.  We ended up adding a line about “Adults Only Reception to Follow” on the reception card in response to a shower decline from a guest and her two young daughters.  Obviously not an issue but foreshadowed for us that she expected the kids to be invited (4 in total).  She did not RSVP the kids so yay, it worked!  The kids weren’t the problem we soon learned…

We also had a line on the RSVP card that said “__ seats have been reserved in your honor” which we’ve gotten SO much feedback on.  People love it and have commented that they wish they’d done it or they now plan to.  But sadly you get certain people who feel entitled and even that won’t stop them.  FH’s aunt tacked her friend onto his grandmother’s RSVP (slick move–we’d have to risk his grandmother getting angry and not speaking to us if we were to say no) and changing the number to 2 from 1.  And his great aunt adding her 60 year old son without changing the number.  I told him he should call and ask, “So will you be sitting on George’s lap or Greg’s?  We need to know for the seating chart.” Hah!

For us it turned into HUGE drama and we caved because his mom was so passive aggressive about it and even our compromise of making them wait until we have final numbers to see if we even have a seat wasn’t “fair” for them.  We’re still so ticked when we think about it.  I’d be more okay with caving if it was something FH wanted since this is his family doing it but he didn’t want to give in.  This is the first time I’ve ever had an issue with his mom–she’s otherwise been amazing.  But I can’t help but feel resentful that it’s more important to keep the family shit-stirrers happy than to respect the bride and groom’s decision.

Post # 7
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve also had this happen and while it’s HIGHLY annoying… I’m just going to let it go.. I think (hopefully) in my case it’s only going to add up to a few extra people, and it will balance itself out with the number of declines. We didnt state specifically that it was adults only so my case is a little different but we did specifically only address the invites to the adults.

If anyone says “well why are their kids here but mine couldnt come”, just try to redirect or just honestly say they werent invited but still came- there’s not much you can do without pissing someone off.. if you called the people who rsvp’ed their kids, you run the risk of pissing them off. if you let them come you run the risk of other people getting pissed off. lol – not trying to sound negative but i think it’s truly one of those situations that you’re damned if you do, damned if you dont…and just have to deal with situationally. 

Post # 8
Member
13631 posts
Honey Beekeeper

An invitation is mean to extend hospitality, not exclude people. Language such as “Adults Reception” is inappropriate. X seats reserved is also not acceptable since it implies you think even your polite guests are too stupid to read an invitation. I’ve actually never received a single one like that. Besides, it doesn’t stop rude people, as many examples on this board have proven. Most traditionally, RSVP cards themselves are considered a crutch. 

If people are clueless enough to reply for extra people, you should just pick up the phone, call them, and as per 

View original reply
juanita.kelly.9:  tell them that you are so sorry for any misunderstanding but the invitation was meant for you and your husband only. You hope that means they can still attend. 

 

Post # 9
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

Same deal with people who I know are single, or are not in a serious relationship .. I only invited them specifically. My cousin rsvps back “cousin plus 1” .. (GAHHH i didnt invite your ‘plus 1’) LOL But… just gonna let it go. Luckily I’m not super limited by space or I’d be much more firm about it. 

Post # 10
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  Your friend needs to call her cousin and say that unfortunately, kids cannot be accomodated and that if it changes their rsvp, please let her know. Awkward, yes but the cousin was rude to add them on in the first place. She needs to be firm with this rule if it happens again. 

To avoid it? Sounds like she had ‘adults only’ on the invite and it still didn’t work. People will do what they want to do.

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