(Closed) Guests already declined after STD, do they still expect me to send an invite?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Guests already declined after STD, do they still expect me to send an invitation?
    Yes, you should still send one anyways : (17 votes)
    34 %
    No, it's a waste. : (33 votes)
    66 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3039 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have no idea if it’s a huge no-no, but I’ve had the same thing happen and I’ll not send an invitation to those who have said they can’t make it. Partly because it feels like a waste, but also because I don’t want to come across as nagging on them/being passive aggressive.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You should send them invitations.  Right now something is preventing them from attending, but plans could change, things get cancelled, etc and they could end up being able to attend.

    Post # 5
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

    @Loveylove13:  I would still send them an invite. My parents’ best friends have already said that they can’t make it because they have a family wedding that day but I want them to know that they are still welcome if plans change closer to the date.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2952 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    I recently received 2 save the dates that I couldn’t attend. I made sure I let them know early as I didn’t want them to bother sending an invite to me. It seems silly to me to send one when they know your not coming!

    Post # 7
    Member
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m not sending invites to some that have made it clear they can’t come. I dont know if there is an etiquette rule about it (frankly, I dont care for all the old head etiquette snobs lurking) but I won’t waste the time or postage and I dont want to annoy people.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think etiquette says send the invite, but I agree with a PP with feeling like people will think I’m being passive agressive/silly to send an invite. Maybe its an etiquette thing that doens’t translate well in real life? Can you include a note with the invite that says “I know you’ve said you can’t come- we’ll miss you! But wanted to have an invite anyway, just so you know we’re thinking of you”…or something…somehow…without it sounding MORE pushy?

    Post # 9
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Loveylove13:  I would send an invitation anyway, though I suppose it does depend on your relationship with the people in question.  For example, one of my good friends has already told me she’s unsure if she’ll be able to come because she’s starting medical school in the fall (far from where we live now).  I told her she’d be receiving a Save the Date and invitation anyway because I want her to feel included (and also so she can definitely let us know if anything changes and she’s able to come).  

    Post # 10
    Member
    4891 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    If I was a guest, I wouldn’t expect an invite if I declined after an STD. What’s the point? I would just send them an email or something and tell them to notify you if plans change. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We had one couple decline after the StD and we didn’t send them an invite; it just seemed weird to me to do so. I felt like in their place, I might have opened it and thought, “Did you not understand the message?”

    Post # 12
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Loveylove13:  That happened to us because its a Destination Wedding. But I still sent them one. It still gives them the option to come if things change for them, plus, they might like to still get one. I know its a waste of money, but I did it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1508 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It would depend on the relationship of the person who delcined for me.

    What I might do, is add a little hand written note with the invite to the few that declined and acknowledge that you’re aware they already declined but should plans change they are more then welcome to join you. 

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