(Closed) Guests and Partners

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I would send the friend an invitation and address just to her.  If she asks if she can bring the baby daddy, just explain to her that you are trying to limit the guest list to friends and their significant others.  I think most people will understand that. 

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Ugh, I don’t understand why people are so insensitive to the fact that weddings are expensive and we don’t to invite everyone’s "very serious" girlfriend/boyfriend who we don’t know at all.  Gimme a break.  You are not obligated to invite this man — would you also invite all the other men your friends had slept with over the years?  Maybe that’s harsh, but it’s true!!  If she asks, explain it to her the way Yach suggested (not the way I wrote it!) and then move on. 

Post # 4
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Ugh, I don’t understand why people are so insensitive to the fact that weddings are expensive and we don’t to invite everyone’s "very serious" girlfriend/boyfriend who we don’t know at all.  Gimme a break.  You are not obligated to invite this man — would you also invite all the other men your friends had slept with over the years?  Maybe that’s harsh, but it’s true!!  If she asks, explain it to her the way Yach suggested (not the way I wrote it!) and then move on. 

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Personally, in that situation, I’d invite both.

 

But – "Ugh, I don’t understand why people are so insensitive to the fact that weddings are expensive and we don’t to invite everyone’s "very serious" girlfriend/boyfriend who we don’t know at all. "

 

It’s one thing not to invite a (+1) for every guest. But if anyone is in a relationship, it’s not up to us to judge how "serious" they are.  If someone is in a relationship, both should be invited.

Post # 7
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I understand weddings are expensive, well because all of us are planning one…lol – but on the other hand if I were invited to wedding alone (if I were single of course) I may not attened. Even if I knew a lot of people there, because showing up alone is just really uncomfortable. I mean I want someone to dance with too, and I don’t want to be surrounded by couples at a wedding – alone…how depressing.

You can’t pick and choose who you allow to bring a date and who you don’t. I mean you can’t seriously know everything about all your guests down to who they are dating and what the "status" is.  Someone you think is single could get engaged in the time and not bring it up to not "steal your thunder" then you invite her alone….???

I think that it’s like the kids thing, either you all of them or none. I would feel reall singled out and terrible if my friend decided my "relationship" no matter what it was, was not serious enough to constitue my bringing a date to her wedding.  Trust me I was a single mom once and you have enough coming down on you day after day – now to be told she can’t bring a date to your wedding. Kinda harsh.

In may case, everyone who is "single" is invited with guest.  I just don’t think that any other way is polite or resonable given I don’t know the status of peoples relationships everyday.

 

Post # 8
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Before Fiance and I got engaged, I was often left off of the wedding invitation because we were not "serious" (i.e. engaged or married).  Surprisingly, Fiance and his other friends who were still in relationships were VERY upset with their friends who didn’t allow them to bring their girlfriends.  Everyone knew each other as well, so it really wasn’t the case of inviting a stranger.  However, in some of the cases, about two weeks before the wedding, we would get an email saying that they had enough regrets and that they were "graciously" allowing them to bring their girlfriends.

 If you check the etiquette books, every guest over 18 is entitled to bring a guest.  At our wedding that will be our policy, since we’ve decided it’s not fair to judge the "seriousness" of other people’s relationships.  However, there will be some people who are single and won’t want to bring a date, since there will be the additional cost of airfare/hotel, etc.

Post # 10
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Suzanno – you are right the invite shoulnd’t be addressed "and guest", thats what those inner envelopes were/are used for. But a lot of people don’t use them anymore. – which then leve the issue of how you actually let people know they can or can’t bring a date. Maybe that will end up being another post…lol

Before planning a wedding (as I was a totaly non-etiqutee for foramal affairs kinda person) I assumed I was allowed to bring a date when the invite was addressed to me, and there was no inner envelope.

Knowing what I do now, I feel like a heel – but luckily was supposed to bring a date, and the bride/groom were just unaware of the etiquite as well.

Giving the option of brining a date lets people decide on their own if they want to bring one. Your friend has a reason to be upset about being set up at weddings however – very few people feel the way he does and I just find it silly to judge other peoples relationships regardless of what they are. Who am I to judge anyone? I’m far from perfect or being of any level to determine how one person feels about another.

And I find it would add more stress, "John and Kate are doing well this week, lets invite them together" 2 weeks later "Oh John and Kate broke up, but I still want them both to come, but lets not let them bring dates" 3 months later when invites go out "Kates now engaged, so we have to invite the FH" It’s just a lot to keep up with. 

As for the main concern in the post, her single friend. I think that if she simply sat with her and talked to her about how she felt about coming alone, since she seems to be the one person you are singeling out in the situationof inviting guest or not, would make things eaiser for all. Plus, she may agree and leave baby home with Daddy to be baby sat 😉 Could work out in the end. 

Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think the real issue is that this friend seems to not want to admit that her and the baby daddy are dating or seeing each other or whatever.  If they were actually dating, I don’t think it would an issue at all and suzanno would probably have no problem inviting him.  On the other hand, you shouldn’t have to invite your single friends and whichever person they are hooking up with at the time.

Post # 14
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’d address it Lacey and Date. Let her decide.

Post # 15
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

or guest.

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