Post # 1
Just venting for a moment!! Why do wedding guests suddenly lose all their manners once your invitation shows up in their mailbox???? I am serious if one more person acts like some portion of my wedding is an inconvenience to them, or about them, they will get slapped. In the last 2 weeks…
-2 guests have RSVP’d and written in uninvited dates
– my aunt from out of town asked “are the hotels you chose for the guests super expensive?”
-several people: “wow” “oh goodness” “yep definitely need a rental car” when I tell them our reception is 17 miles away from the ceremony, whoop dee doo people I’m sure 25 minutes in the car on your way to get treated to a nice dinner and all you can drink alcohol won’t kill ya!!!
-out of town relatives deciding that my wedding week would be a good week to come early to “hang out.” No???? We will be insanely busy and won’t have time or energy to entertain you excpet on the wedding day!
grr. I would never do any of this to people, I can’t imagine why people lose all their manners and think this is ok. is this pretty normal or do I just have rude family? Haha. I told my parents they are going to have to screen all relative questions from now on.
Post # 2
I can totally see guests asking about the price of hotels. A lot of people are on a budget! My grandparents will not pay more than about $75 for a hotel room because of their fixed income. On the other hand, we have friends and family who will drop $300 on a night in Atlantic City. We made sure to include a wide range on our website because different guests expect different price ranges and different levels of luxury. Some will want cheap and basic, others may want to splurge.
ETA: totally rude to write in extra guests though
Post # 3
Laurenplusalex: oh, totally understand being budget-conscious. The thing that makes me mad is- why would you make it a point to say that to the bride? We picked a very inexpensive hotel and put it on the wedding website! why wouldn’t you just go look and save the passive aggressive statement?
Post # 4
FutureMrsT1221: Aside from the written in plus ones (unless of course you neglected to invite their SO in which case that was you being rude) none of those things are rude.
If you didn’t want to answer questions from guests then why did you invite them.
I find bride’s that consider their guests an inconvienance to be rude honestly.
Post # 5
The only thing in here that I consider rude is writing in guests.
My entire family and my husband family came for a week surrounding our wedding. I had never met many of them and our families had never met. We spent every waking second with them before and after the wedding, including the next morning for brunch. Sure it was a bit much but I didn’t consider it rude… After all, they came from the four corners of the earth to attend, why would they not want to hang out with us and their new extended family?
Post # 6
FutureMrsT1221: is she good with technology? My grandma didn’t realize there even was a website-she thought it was an ad for the knot. Less savvy guests will have trouble just googling and not asking questions.
Post # 7
Only the first one sounds rude to me…
ETA: and the guests who added dates might not have been trying to be rude. They might just have no idea of the etiquette of invites.
I get venting about this stuff but in the grand scheme of things, most of this stuff isn’t a big deal. They’re not making the day about them or saying your wedding is an inconvenience. It sounds like you are just stressed and taking things the wrong way.
Post # 8
j_jaye: lol. i knew you would comment because you comment on everything everyone posts disagreeing.
I am happy to answer questions from guests, although I spent hours making a thorough and informative wedding website that they could check out first.
These are questions I’m happy to answer: which hotels did you book blocks at? Will we need a rental car? Where is ____?
Those types of things.
the things my relatives are saying presuppose that i am inconveniencing them. Specifically I’m getting really tired of people complaining about the 17 miles in between my ceremony and reception. If I was a guest and considered that too much of an inconvenience, I would not come and send a nice card- I wouldn’t passively complain about it and act like I’m doing them a favor by coming.
Post # 9
I get the OP’s frustration. I had a guest ask me about the location of a hotel, that’s not in either of my blocks, and how much that hotel would be, etc. I worked with them, but I couldn’t help but wonder the entire time why they didn’t just google the info. I was COMPLETELY on my own for their wedding, which was in an out-of-the-way area. They couldn’t look up the location of a major chain hotel in a huge metropolitan city? :::side eye::: But, hey, I want to see them at my wedding so I helped them out. But yeah, OP, I get it. 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Agreed– the first one is definitely rude. The others could be handled better by the guests, but aren’t rude so much as vaguely thoughtless. For example, realizing they will need to rent a car and saying it out loud is something I’d do. They don’t mean it as a criticism; it’s just a realization.
And it sounds like your aunt is just LIKE that. People say dumb stuff all the time. My advice is to stop getting annoyed and kill them with graciousness. That usually shuts people down.
And wanting to come early to hang out is not rude; again, just thoughtless and enthusiastic.
Post # 11
The nerve of some people–wanting to hang out with you and asking such silly questions like how they’re going to traverse seventeen miles between the ceremony and reception! Total asshats.
Post # 12
Is the reception close to hotels? I would be fine with driving to the reception from the ceremony, but I’d grumble if I couldn’t take advantage of the open bar because I’d have to drive afterwards.
My ceremony and reception (same location) is a bit inconvenient to any hotel (None within walking distance) so I’ll be providing a shuttle for guests at the end of the night back to an area with hotels/bars.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
Erm, I may be in the wrong, but I don’t think that some of the things you’ve identified are terribly “rude” and personally, I think you’re overreacting to most of them.
1. Adding uninvited guests = yes, definitely in the wrong. You should discuss that with them ASAP because it’s unfair of them to burden you with additional mouths to feed – especially if it was communicated in the invitation that it was only extended to the person/family/couple.
2. Maybe not the most tactful way to ask, but that’s a very fair question. My great-grandbig from my sorority is getting married in December and the hotel she blocked rooms at is still going to cost her guests $200.00/night. Your aunt may have financial concerns or be unwilling to spend a ton on lodging after coming in from out of town. She may be trying to decide whether or not to stay in your block or find something else.
3. Not trying to be a snark monster but I hope the hotels your guests get are close enough to the reception to get taxis and not rental cars if there’s going to be all you can drink alcohol! In your defense, it isn’t fair of them to vocally whine about your reception/ceremony locations but quite frankly… I might be a bit annoyed by the distance. If my hotel was near your ceremony and I planned on drinking at your reception, I’d be worried about how to get home or that I had to be monitoring how much I was drinking during the evening.
4. Here’s where I think you’re really in the wrong in how you’re looking at things… Your guests are coming from out of town at their own expense to celebrate you and your future husband. That’s really kind and something you should be enormously grateful for. Of all the weddings that I’ve gone to, I’ve talked to the bride and groom for maybe 5-10 minutes. Chances are that your guests won’t really get to be entertained by you at all on the day of. I doubt they expect you to take them around town but you could take an hour out of your day to eat dinner with them. You have to eat anyway, why not give back to the people who are coming to make your day special?
Post # 14
Xu: thank you! it’s not like I’m saying this is the worst thing that could be happening, but when you have 220 guests and you did your best to make all the info readily available to them, it just sucks to have to repeat everything when I have so much on my plate and we are less than 2 months away. That’s not a big deal but what is really getting to me is people seeming like they feel inconvenienced by some factor of the wedding. I would never say anything to a bride but “I’m so excited for your big day!” Not like… Wow so were there no other reception areas close by??
Post # 15
FutureMrsT1221: I agree on the passive aggressive comments and why can’t people look up the info themselves about the hotels? I understand maybe asking you what hotels are near by, but I’m sure it doesn’t hurt to do a little research themselves. All the info is on your invite. With some grandparents, they might need a little help with the technology though. Lol. It is annoying when guest act like it’s an inconvenient to them to attend a wedding and voice what they have to do like they are annoyed by it. It’s a simple yes, I’ll love to go without any of the complaints or a simple no.