(Closed) Guests bringing friends

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it depends on the situation. If the guest knows nobody else at the wedding and doesn’t have  SO then bringing a friend is okay so they have someone to talk to. However, if they know lots of people at the wedding but don’t have a date it irks me when people bring a friend because its an added expense for someone you don’t want at your wedding.

However, if you did give them an option of a plus one on an invite I don’t think you can really take it away and say oh you can only bring a plus one if its someone I approve. So either give people a plus one and let them bring who they want or don’t give them the option.

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with you OP. I think she’s being a tad selfish and just doesn’t realize it. I take it she hasn’t planned her OWN wedding. She’ll understand one day. As for the trash talking, I think you were right to say something.

While I understand the concept of wanting to “bring a friend” it sounds like she knows other people there. And what does she know how much “just ONE” person would end up costing? Is she supposed to be the exception? If the bride let everyone who doeesn’t have an SO bring a friend, they could possibly end up with a LOT of extra guests. She doesn’t know.

Post # 5
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I suspect that I have two guests who are not bringing dates but brining friends.  My numbers are lower than expected so I don’t care but if I was fighting for space I’d be a little annoyed.  I just wonder what their friends will get out of my wedding except a free night of alcohol…

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Haha I would assume it will happen to you with this friend.  Maybe now’s the time to speak to her and explain costs and the reality of weddings.  How you had to leave people totally off the list in order to invite the people that truely ment something to you.

Post # 7
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that is really awkward considering the friend is someone the bride knows who isn’t getting an invite!

Post # 8
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

This all depends on how the girl’s invitation was addressed.  If she got invitation that said “Miss Jane Doe and Guest” then she has every right to bring whomever she wants as her guest.  That can be a date or a friend.  That is the risk that you take when you write “and guest” on someone’s invitation rather than getting the name of their significant other and including it on the envelope.  On the other hand, if the invitation was addressed only to her, or to her and a boyfriend but she wants to basically “exchange” the boyfriend for the friend then that’s another story and she’s totally out of line.  To avoid this situation at your wedding just be sure you address the envelope properly.  Your friend my still try to sneak in an additional guest and talk badly about you if you don’t let her but there is not much you can do about that. Most people will recognize that she is the one who has it wrong.

Post # 9
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m with @PuntaCanaBride:  There are 2 sides to this.  I DEFINITELY get the frustration over people inviting others that you didn’t account for, but if the lady was given a plus one, she should be able to use it however she wants.  I guess a little clarification would help.  Did the bride send the invite to “John Doe and Jane Smith” or “John Doe and guest” or just “John Doe”?  If it was the first or last options then I can fully get the frustration and yes, I’d think your friend (the one trying to invite her own guest) was out of line and being selfish.  However if it was the middle option, then in my opinion your friend should be allowed to bring whoever she wants as the plus one.

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Anybody who does this sort of thing (tries to bring an uninvited guest) is just rude. You wouldn’t just “bring a friend” to a dinner party where you alone were invited – there wouldn’t be enough for everyone to eat and they wouldn’t have a place to sit.

Invitations have a purpose – they say who is invited: Ms. Friend (alone), Ms. Friend & Guest (anyone), Ms. Friend and Mr. Boyfriend (specific guest by name), Ms. Friend’s Family (everyone in the immediate family).

It irrates me that people think that invitations are open to interpretation/negotiation. It’s not a Facebook event that was sent to everyone, it’s a event planned for a certain number of people who were invited by name. Of course brides as good hosts, need to keep in mind that guests should be allowed for people who may not know anyone else or who are in a serious relationship.

Post # 11
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

it’s funny but until I started planning our wedding I felt the same way about a wedding : My friends sis was getting married and for some freakin’ reason I felt entitled to an invite even though the bride had never actually known me as a friend! it just doesn’t occur to people how expensive weddings are

Post # 12
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had a friend say, “Oh, so-in-so is my backup in case my boyfriend can’t make it.”  So in so is a girl I have met a few times, she’s nice enough but not someone I would plan to invite to my wedding.  So I’ll address the invite to my friend and her boyfriend by name, and hopefully she will stick to just him.  Oh well, we’re actually inviting under our budgeted number of people, so it’s not a huge deal, just the principle of it!  🙂

Post # 13
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In my opinion, if the bride invites you:  “Kelly105 + Guest,”  it shouldn’t matter who you bring as your plus 1.  But if the bride just invited you alone, then you shouldn’t assume that you can bring anyone else, including your SO/DH/FI/friend.

Post # 14
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with being specific on the invite and then just sticking to it.  A mrs. so and so and guest would give the choice to the guest.

Post # 15
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@shoemaven0917: I’m going to have this problem too I know and will probably have to do what you are doing. I have a lot of relatives age 20-30 that are single and they would all be fine w.o a guest–they know almost everyone there! However, in the interest of keeping things drama free we will probably just give everyone a plus one. It kina makes me angry though b/c from past family weddings I have attended I know my relatives will just invite any random work friend that is able to attend. That’s not what a wedding is about nor what I want my wedding to be about.

There were some past family weddings that were awkward because there were people there we didn’t even know! I understand keeping if fair and giving single guests + 1 but I feel if you aren’t in a serious relationship and know everyone at the party….why rsvp +1 just for the sake of it?

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