(Closed) Guests calling and asking to bring dates? Am I overreacting?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Etiquette says you need to add +1’s to guests with spouses or in serious relationships.

It sounds like you didn’t do that, so if that’s the case, you’re off.

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um no. We had a pretty strict +1 policy as well because of the space we had. And I just felt like I didn’t want to pay for dinner for some random person I had never met! Our rule was that if you were in a serious (or married) relationship, and the couple had had dinner with us/come to our home, then that SO was invited and we stuck to it. No ifs, ands, or buts. Our guests seemed to be pretty understanding about it.

We had one guest who asked to bring his ex-wife. We said no (we had never met her and like you said, if you break the rule for one person that’s a slippery slope). Guess what? He brought her anyways! That still rubs me totally the wrong way.

Chances are you will have some unexpected no RVSPs and a couple no-shows, so it’s your call if you want to let your friend know a bit later down the line if you have room for “the date”. If you do have room, it would be a nice gesture, but I wouldn’t go out of your way IMO.

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honestly, I did not go to a wedding just because my Fiance couldn’t come (not that he wasn’t invited, but he was working).  Weddings are AWKWARD if you are not there with someone you know.  I understand you wanting to keep the wedding small, but how will these guests enjoy themselves when they have no one to talk to during the meal (awkward small talk!) or dance with (if you have a dance) or anything.  Personally, I would not come.

Post # 6
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I personally don’t think it is rude that he called – he understood that the invitation was addressed only to him, but wanted to ask if he could bring a date. He could have just assumed and added plus one on the RSVP card.  However, just because your guests ask, doesn’t mean that you have to extend a plus one invitation.  If you can’t, you can’t.  I think his calling was actually pretty considerate.

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think it’s rude that he called.  In any event, you were able to explain your reasoning and presumably he understood the decision.

Post # 9
Member
5800 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

It looks like your wedding is on New Years Eve. You’re probably getting more calls than usual because your wedding is on a holiday most people spend with a date.

Post # 10
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

I agree with soon2bhis, poeple are not going to have nearly as much fun if they have to come alone and socialize with a bunch of people they don’t know.  You may be really good friends with them, but you will be very busy with a lot of people all night.  You want your guests to be talking, laughing, and dancing. 

I would either not attend or I would leave very early if forced to come alone to a wedding where I wasn’t friends with a bunch of the guests.

Post # 11
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Can I ask your guest count?

Post # 12
Member
46679 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Many people have no idea about etiquette these days because they have had limited exposure to social occasions such as weddings.

Most couples have to draw the line somewhere when it comes to the guest list, unless your Dad’s name is Trump.

Any adult should be able to come to a wedding, witness the ceremony, socialize during the cocktail hour, chat to tablemates and mix and mingle during the reception. You shouldn’t need your SO welded to your hip to be able to enjoy the wedding of a friend.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d extend the invitations to spouses even if you don’t know them. But strangers/random dates? No, you’re not wrong.

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

@julies1949: It is poorer etiquette to not invite a social unit than it is to call and ask.

Post # 15
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Oh, I just saw the PP commenting on the NYE wedding. People still shouldn’t be calling to ask to bring a date, but I understand a little better why they might feel that it’s okay to ask that question… NYE is usually a big party, not an intimate gathering. You should probably expect to get a lot of “no”s from people you’ve invited without their SO or a +1. That doesn’t mean you need to change your policy, but it’s just the way it is.

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