Post # 1
Member
39 posts
Newbee
A friend of my FI has been having an affair for quite some time now. They’ve just RSVPed and the date they’ve invited is the person they’ve been having the affair with. I wanted to see if this has happened to any bees out there, and how did it make you feel/how did you deal with it? Personally, I’m annoyed and disgusted by their decision to bring them to a celebration of a new marriage. They’re using our wedding as an occasion to violate another marriage. There’s nothing to be done really, but it’s so frustrating. I don’t know how I’ll be able to greet this person without my stomach turning.
Post # 3
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
I just found out that someone I invited will be doing the exact same thing. I think I’m just going to let it go and try to avoid interaction with my guest’s guest on the day of. Ugh. Gross!
Post # 4
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
Ah there was another thread about this recently., I hope someone canfind it… it would make a lot of guests uncomfortable if they know the guest who should have been invited instead of the missress/mister. Maybe you could ask the friend of FI “Oh, is ____ not coming, we were expecting her” and then say that you would feel awkard or mistress/mister to be there in the circumstances.
I’ve not been through this myself so I don’t have first-hand advice. I do however think you have a stance to explain that as it is a wedding you want those attending to support and not mock the institution.
Post # 5
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
@mrsfun: Did you address the invitation to your friend and their spouse specifically? Or did you write friend + guest?
Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
Maybe its just me, but I’d definitely call and say, “oops, I think I sent you the wrong invite card. It wasn’t supposed to say +1 on it, Sorry about that!” Screw ettiquette, you’re not disrespecting my marriage like that.
Post # 7
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@mrsfun: As long as the scorned partner isn’t going to be there, don’t let it bother you. People will always do things you don’t agree with – just enjoy your day and ignore them!
Post # 8
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
hmmm…awkwaaaaaaaaaaard. This has never happened to me but since I believe in marriage and fidelity, and I openly disapprove of people who publicly belittle their marriage in any way, I wouldn’t bother pretending that this was cool. Okay, hey y’all thanks for coming…aaaand walk away and greet other guests. But that’s just me being my mean self.
Post # 9
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
I wouldn’t stand for it. I have no problem letting my friend or relative know that while I can’t stop them from having an affair I certainly don’t condone it and that their mistress/mister is not invited to the celebration of my marriage. I wouldn’t mince words on this at all.
Disrespect your spouse as much as they’ll allow you. But do it on your own time.
Post # 10
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d ignore it, and try to go on with my day, but I am a total non-confrontationalist.
Post # 11
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
I couldn’t do it. I’d have to say something. Like … “hell no”.
Post # 12
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
Call me an undignified bridezilla with no tact, but I absolutely would call the person and say “Hey there! I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to bring your mistress in place of your wife to my wedding! Bring the one you’re married to and act chipper or stay home, you revolting swine!”
…. maybe not in so many words
Post # 13
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
There’s no way I could or would tolerate something like this. I realize that you have no control over what someone else does with their time and to their own relationship, but a wedding is no place for disregarding the instituion of marriage. For me, letting him bring his mistress to the wedding and not saying anything would feel too much like condoning it. I would have to say something to indicate you had invited him and his wife, not him and a plus one. Either he can come by himself, with his wife or not at all. That being said, I didn’t have this situation with my guests, but I do know of people who have been on the other side of these scenarios (i.e. the wife of a husband who would bring his mistresses to events), and that probably has something to do with why I feel so strongly about it.
Post # 14
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
@Overjoyed: +1000! I would be letting the friend know that if they are not brining their marital spouse, they will not be welcome to bring a guest. And if they insist on brining the affair-ee (?), they would not be welcome at all.
Its YOUR wedding OP, so you get to decide who is welcome and who is not.
Post # 15
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
While I do think it’s a little tacky, ultimately I think it’s important not to judge your guest too harshly. From the outside it may look sleazy, but you don’t know anything about what their marriage looks like behind closed doors. He’s made his choice and is obviously comfortable enough with it to bring his mistress to a public function.
Post # 16
Member
12259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@mrsfun: Nothing to be done? NO WAY. I would call whichever one is your friend and go “I’m sorry, we would preffer you not bring _______, since they are still married. Feel free to bring someone else, though.”
There is NO WAY I would allow that mess at our wedding.
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