(Closed) Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mrsfun:  I’ve honestly never considered this situation, but that’s actually incredibly tacky.  I mean you’re going to celebrate and witness the love, marriage and COMMITTMENT of two people while disgracing your own.  A wedding is not the appropriate outlet to go out and represent themselves as a couple.  That would make me uncomforable as a guest, nevermind being the bride!  I’m not sure what you can do at this point but I would avoid them as much as possible at the wedding and probably beyond as well if you don’t agree with their behaviour and lifestyle choices.

Post # 18
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d call that guest and tell them they can either come with their spouse, come alone, or not come at all! 

Post # 19
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If it was me, I could not deal with that at my wedding. It would be such a slap in the face to the meaning of the day! It is also asking you to not only approve of the affair, but to be complicit in it’s goings on! I would probably just uninvite the the friend and the plus one. 

Ooo, it makes me so annoyed just thinking about being put in this position. He’s obviously a thoughtless and inconsiderate friend. 

Post # 20
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t know what I would say… but the friend would have the options of coming with his wife, coming alone, or not coming. Attending with his mistress would be not acceptable to me.

I like the suggestion of calling them and saying you send them the wrong invitation by mistake. tell them it should have been him + wife, not him +1.

Post # 21
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If I were in your situation, I would definitely tell the friend that they cannot invite their married partner. This is how I see it, they are just slapping your nuptuals in the face by displaying their infidelities–they obviously don’t value marriage. To go to a wedding with someone who is not your spouse is sickening to me.

 

 

 

Post # 22
Member
47429 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would not have any hesitation in phoning that guest and telling then  that their  plan was not going to fly with us. I can’t stop him from fooling around, but I can stop him from doing it at my wedding. He is not going to embarass his wife on our dime.

 

Post # 23
Member
47429 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

DDP- Darn Double Post

 

Post # 24
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Guest brings spouse or doesn’t come at all.  No way would that fly.  

Post # 25
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I would have to be confrontational about it. That would not be allowed at my wedding. I assume you addressed the invitation to Mr. And Mrs. X too?

ETA Oh, it’s a guest who is bringing the married person. Hm, still though that’s disrespectful but you can choose the +1 if you give them that option. 

Post # 26
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I Definitely would not be comfortable with this situation.  You’re helping me celebrate my marriage by bringing your mistress????  I’d call and uninvite the friend (Preferably through the wife/husband… jk, but it would be tempting), because that’s a little but too far over the ‘disrespectful line’ for me.

Post # 27
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Guest brings spoue or comes alone.

Post # 28
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s a sucky situation, but I would not get in the middle of their business if I were you. Even if you disinvited them to your wedding that won’t stop the affair — and for them to be at a public event together, they clearly don’t give a crap about who sees them together. Ick, the more I think about that situation, the more unsettling it is! People can be so trashy sometimes, I can’t stand cheaters.

Post # 30
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that Miss Manners would tell you to ignore it and know in your heart that everyone will see them as innappropriate, but that it won’t reflect on you.

 

But I’m not Miss Manners.

 

If I read it correctly, this person is not a friend of yours but somehow ended up on the guest list. (Through your fiance? In-laws?) If this is a friend of the in-laws, let it go. But if not I would call them up and explain that it makes you uncomfortable to have them bring a married person to your wedding.

And if they still show up together, when you greet them be sure to ask about the guest’s spouse! (I would do that but I am tacky. )

Post # 31
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsfun:  OK I’m a Christian, believe in sanctity of marriage, never slept with anyone except my husband etc… and I think you should let it be. It is not your business. You gave them a +1 and they’re bringing their partner.

Also you don’t know (or haven’t said) the state of the other marriage. Maybe they’re separated but not divorced yet? (But even if not, it’s not your business).

All of our guests (and ourselves) do all sorts of things. It is not our job to play moral police. (Unless it’s something really bad and we want them out of our lives forever, but then we wouldn’t invite them at all).

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