(Closed) Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
4045 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@mrsfun:  Oh, so the person you invited isn’t married – but he wants to bring his married lover? And this affair is truly an affair, as in they are going behind the husband’s back to do this? Yuck.

I would be fine with the date if it wasn’t an affair and more of an open marriage situation, but I will assume that is not okay. I think it’s fine for your Fiance to say it makes everyone uncomfortable to bring a married woman as a date. Be prepared to lose that friendship though, because the guest very well may not like being told such a thing. If you don’t want to risk that, then let it be.

Post # 33
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

maybe i’m just a vengeful little creep, but i would use this opportunity to get lots of photo evidence and out the cheater to their spouse.

Post # 34
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@mrsfun:  If you don;t know the date or their spouse then you have no idea whether this is an affair or not. They could be in an open marriage, a poly marriage, they could have a marriage of convienence (visa, insurance, closet homosexuality) or they could even be seperated.

All you are doing is being judgemental and spreading gossip about something that you have no real idea about. Not a very Christain thing to do really.

Post # 35
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

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@j_jaye:  What are the odds of that, really? I think if this was actually a legit situation, the Fiance would know about it.

Post # 36
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@lampshade:  Agreed.  Not many people would just let their good friends think they were having an affair when they weren’t, just because they didn’t want to explain the nature of their relationship.

Post # 37
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Dude! Honestly, I think the poliet thing to do would be to just ignore it, since you gave Guest a +1 and he apparently doesn’t see anything wrong with inviting his married lover. However, it would be VERY difficult for me not to say “Oh, Missus! Had I known you were coming, I would have extended an invitation to your husband also! I bet our ceremony brought back a lot of memories, huh? Were our VOWS the same as yours?”

I seriously can’t imagine how she will feel comfortable going to a WEDDING with the man she’s committing adultery with! 

I’m going to say do your best to convince yourself that the woman and her husband have some sort of open relationship. I know, it’s probably not true, but just tell yourself that to get through saying hi to her. 

Post # 38
Member
11265 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrsfun:  knowing now that your guest is single and his +1 is the married one (whom you don’t know), i would just let it go.

you don’t know what the situation is between this woman and her husband.  maybe they are separated.  some divorces take years to finalize and the couple has to remain in the house until it sells.  it’s obviously not something they are keeping a secret.

regardless, it’s not your place to judge that.  she is your guest’s +1 and gf.

Post # 39
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think this is more common in some circles than people think. Anyway yes it will happen at my wedding. I’m not saying a word. 

 

Post # 40
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I was once a married date to someone I wasn’t married to. My husband and I were separated, I was with my new partner, but not yet divorced. It really was nobody’s business what I did with my personal life behind closed doors.

 

Personally I feel like you need to mind your own business. You have no idea the situation or circumstances, nor should you care. I don’t think there is any way to tell this guest that he is welcome, but you don’t approve of his decision to date someone who is currently married, so he needs to pick someone you approve of. He doesn’t need your approval for his life choices. You don’t know the whole story and honestly, it doesn’t affect you at all. There could be a million reasons why she is still married and actively dating and there are zero reasons why it’s your business.

Post # 41
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@rosworms:  The evil part of me loves this lol

But personally, neither I nor the Fiance would allow any of this anywhere near our wedding.

Post # 42
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would ignore it for the most part, but being the vindictive wench I am, I would have to ask (loudly and in front of as many people as possible) how the Mrs. is and how sorry I am that she didn’t get to attend.

Post # 43
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well call me a bitch, but if I think this is gonna weigh on me, even for an hour, I’d tell her/him how I feel. Ask her to bring someone else….someone not married. >.>

Post # 44
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This is terrible.

If they are carrying out their affair at your wedding, personally, I would not allow it… I’m a pretty chill person, but I would be disgusted to have played any part in destroying a marriage.

No. If I found out about this, I would absolutely say ‘no’. 100%.

(caveat is for someone separated from his/her spouse, and in the process of divorce- if I had a guest like this, then I would tell him/her: keep on keepin’ on)

Post # 45
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I wouldn’t say anything. You are most likely not even going to notice them, and you probably don’t know the whole situation with their spouse. 

I wouldn’t do it myself, but I guess it’s right along the lines with everyone who says stuff like “Once you get married, your life ends” blah blah blah. There will be people saying that (joking, or not), and that to me is just as disrespectful at a wedding

 

Post # 46
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsfun:  I disagree with the others. If you invited your friend +1 you sound like a botch by picking and choosing who they bring. Why does it even matter if they decide to be trashy and sleep around. It in no way affects you or your big day, let it go.

The topic ‘Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.’ is closed to new replies.

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