(Closed) Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@hermom:  Your comment had me change my mind a bit. I think the issue is that they don’t know the husband, they only know the friend. If they knew the husband, my feelings would be very different, but that’s cause friendship trumps etiquette.


I also hope, OP, that you don’t go all Scarlet Letter on this woman and “scorn” her at your wedding if you’re gonna be friendly with FI’s friend.

Post # 78
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@208bride:  No, I totally approve of using this wording. I might even call the guest’s wife and ask her if she knows. Because I’d want to know if I was in that situation. And I’d be upset at someone for not telling me.

Post # 79
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you sent your FI’s friend an open ended +1 then it’s none of your business who he brings.  Believe me when I say they won’t be the only people there shitting on the sanctity of marriage. 

Post # 80
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

 

Your guest himself isn’t married – but  it’s between them. As others are saying, I have no idea if this woman is in the process of going through a divorce, if she and her husband are separated, etc. They would hardly be the first couple to get together while someone’s marriage is ending. For all I know, this marriage only exists in the legal sense, but is in every other way done.

As others say, you gave him a +1. Surely you knew about this relationship before you invited him? It should come as no surprise, then, that he’s bringing his partner along. It’s none of your business and by calling him out on this, you only serve to damage the relationship and stir up more trouble.

No one’s going to know – other than you and your fiance – that she’s married on your wedding day, so I wouldn’t worry about any tawdry gossip. You smile, greet them both warmly, give a handshake and thank them for coming on the wedding day, which realistically is about the extent of time you will have with them on your wedding day.

Post # 81
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Syzygy88:  And as for not inviting guests because they are disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, are you disinviting divorced guests, guests who had affairs in the past, guests with crappy marriages, etc. They are there to celebrate your marriage, not marriage in general.

Well, I think it’s not just that, but also that there’s the element whether playing host means you are complicit in their affair, aiding and abetting it.  It’s an awkward spot to be in.  I myself don’t have any friends that are cheating to my knowledge, but if I did, I wouldn’t choose to go on a double date with that friend and their affair partner.  Similarly I’d be very uncomfortable if they brought their affair partner to a party I hosted at my house.  In addition, I would not like to be in a position where my friend is asking me to keep something of this nature from her husband/his wife.  It’s one thing to know (still difficult), another thing to participate.

Post # 82
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

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@mrsfun:  Since you do think it’s a slap in the face, just have your Fiance call his buddy and say that neither of you are comfortable with him bringing his affair partner to your wedding.  That’s pretty understandable, and if the guy doesn’t understand, he doesn’t have to come.  Done and done.

Post # 84
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

OP:  Just remember…no matter what goes on in someones marriage/divorce/affair – there are 3 sides to every story:  His side, Her side and the truth – Most of the time, His or Her side is only told. You can’t control what people do in their personal lives.  You can’t  punish a person from attending an event because they had a rough marriage, separated or divorced.  

From someone that has been in that situation, Let me just say that I was greatful enough to have loving people in my life that accepted me and whoever I was dating regardless of what I’ve done or gone through in my life.  Why? Because that was MY business, not theirs.   They accepted my Fiance when we started dating with their arms wide open and took him under their wings like he was always family.

 

Post # 86
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

@mrsfun:  When I think about this, I think of my husband going to a wedding with some other girl. When I found out, I would feel sick. And I would feel so just embarrassed by you that you let them publicly humiliate me at your wedding. 

Personally, I don’t give a shit what other people think, I would NEVER do that to someone.

Post # 87
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Since your invited guest is not the married one, and his +1 is, I say leave it.

Post # 88
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ughh I have something similar. One of my very good friends mentioned she is thinking of asking her “boyfriend” to the wedding. He is married and has a family. The wife has no idea and treats my friend like a daughter (older guy, younger girl).

Truly, she is one of my closest friends but it makes me feel a little uncomfortable to have her bring the man she is having an affair with to the celebration of a marriage! 

I hinted that plus ones might not be included for people who know others at the wedding and then suggested she bring her mom. Her mom knows of the affair though so I hope she doesnt think I meant she could bring both of them? What to do??? So far just STD have been sent..

Post # 89
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mrsfun:  I’m taking it that the date in question is not separated but actively engaged in an affair behind his or her spouse’s back?

Sorry – I’d contact that “friend and tell them no, not happening.  Frankly, this is a person I wouldn’t be friends with anymore, anyway. 

The topic ‘Guest's Date is married… to someone other than the guest.’ is closed to new replies.

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