(Closed) Guests deliberately skipping ceremony?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I also think it’s rude!

However, maybe she is uncomfortable going to the ceremony all alone though, because her guy will be busy before, during and after the ceremony! So I wouldn’t take it too personally as this is likely the case because you don’t know her so I am assuming she won’t know anyone else!

I personally would never do this – but I LOVE weddings and I don’t mind being by myself and meeting new people but some people get really uncomfortable and anxious in these situations!

Post # 4
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i dont think you are over reacting, per se, but you gotta look at it from your guests point of view. is there a big gap between the ceremony and reception? how far a drive is it between the ceremony and reception, if any? will the gf know anyone there besides her date?

for me, if it is very inconvenient to attend both, then i dont.  if i have to drive an hour, find something to do for like 3 hours, or mingle with strangers until my hubby shows up, you probably wont see me at the ceremony.  i think you are oging to find that several people will not be at the ceremony, but luckily, you wont notice.

Post # 5
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

It’s rather common in my neck of the woods, for people to only attend the reception.

I can see how it can be taken as rude, but I guess around here, a lot of weddings are like that.

Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I didn’t realize this until I was dating my Fiance, but I think it’s common  (although, I would never do this, as I think the ceremony is the best part!!!)  I think it’s more common with people from a Catholic background – where the mass can be a very, very long service (1 1/2 hours).

You never know what people’s hangups are about being at a church/formal wedding ceremony…. but, people do.  Also, you don’t know if the Girlfriend has other commitments that day that she can’t get out of – or maybe she doesn’t want to sit alone at church… the reasons could go on and on and on.  I’d be disappointed if my guests didn’t want to come to the ceremony (because I think that’s a big deal!), but I don’t find it particularly rude.  She also probably figures that who would miss her in the crowd at the ceremony….

Post # 8
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I think its tacky.  In the South this happens a lot during college football season.  

Do you know why she’s doing this?  Perhaps she doesn’t know anyone else there and doesn’t want to sit alone while her Boyfriend or Best Friend is a Groomsmen.  

Post # 9
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

As far as I know, it is pretty common as well, sadly! The ceremony is the most important part of the wedding day! So sad!!!

Post # 10
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the other posts.  It is rude in a way, but try to be in her shoes….she many not know many people, etc. so I think it is understandable…especially if you guys don’t really even know each other.

Post # 11
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s rude, rude, rude!

Post # 12
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

To give her the benefit of the doubt: Maybe, as MaryJane says, it’s common where she’s from. In a small town, it’s common to have an intimate ceremony with close family and friends and the reception is open up to the whole town and announced in the town newspaper or church bulletin. Or Maybe, she has some work-related family-related responsibility that she can’t get off in time. Or Maybe she has social anxiety problems?

If there’s no doubt that she’s just there for the food, may be you can bring it up casually to the groomsmen who’s her bf and ask why she’s not attending and that you think it’s weird that a guest who comes to celebrate your wedding does not want to be at your wedding??!! I’m personally surprised that the groomsmen allow her to do this!

Post # 13
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think you mgiht want to give her the benefit of the doubt here.  It’s probably not that she wants “a free meal,” she probably just doesn’t know anyone else and would feel really awkward.  Being the date of a Groomsmen totally sucks, I’ve sat through a lot of ceremonies alone, and I’ve considered skipping them when I don’t know the couple.  If you’re just going along as someone’s date it’s not like you’re there to celebrate their marriage… you’re a date!  I don’t know.  I’ve been in those shoes a lot.  I doubt she’s skipping it because it’s boring – she probably just wouldn’t feel comfortable. 

I’m not saying I think it’s the most polite thing in the world to do (that’s why I’ve never done it) but maybe just cut her a little slack.  I don’t know if it’s worth bringing up with the Groomsmen and demanding that she attend or something.

Post # 14
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can see how you would think this is rude and even more so since you don’t know the women. But is there a chance that she has another engagement keeping her from attending the ceremony?

My mom and I were unable to attend the ceremony to my cousins wedding but wanted to still come to the reception as we wanted to be there on her day. May be there is a reason why she cannot make your ceremony but still wants to be there for you and her date.

Post # 15
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

It’s apparently common with my FI’s family, at least. They consider the ceremony somewhat sacred/personal, so if they don’t know the bride&groom really well, it would be considered rude to attend the ceremony. But I had never heard about that before his mom explained it to me. Honestly, I think if you’re going to come to the reception, you should go to the ceremony as well.

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