(Closed) Guests did not show up to the shower

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!  My shower is this weekend and that is my worst fear (no one showing up). 

Could you follow up with them to see why they dipped out?  

I personally wouldn’t invite them to the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@shannonh32:  According to etiquette guidelines, yes, you still should invite them.  However, there’s no law about it, so you can do as you please just be aware that there may be some backlash.  I’d find out why they didn’t show up before jumping to conclusions… you never know if someone had car trouble, an accident, got sick, etc.

Post # 5
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have you checked in with Future Mother-In-Law to see if she has any insight as to why her friends did not attend? I might talk to her first to see if she has strong feelings about not inviting them to the wedding (not because you HAVE to, but given that you extended the invite to the shower, most would likely assume they are receiving a wedding invite).

Post # 7
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Traditionally the guest list for a shower is made up of women who are very close to the bride.  In that case, even a no-show to the shower probably wouldn’t be cause to strike them from the wedding guest list. (ETA: by traditionally, I mean “etiquette-wise” – not “what’s always done”)

But it seems that your shower hostess invited a lot of women.  Before you strike people form your guest list “for bad behavior” I’d recommend considering why they were on the guest list in the first place.  Did Future Mother-In-Law invite them because she is alone and they keep her company?  Or was she merely shmoozing with her quilting circle?

If FI’s mother cares to invite her friends to the wedding ceremony as well, then you will need to discuss with your Future Mother-In-Law what limits you may have regarding the number of guests, and remind her that while you don’t have any issues with her friends, you don’t know them – and you have your own friends and family who you would like to have present.  See if she can be persuaded to just sending her friends an announcement after the wedding is over.

Post # 8
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@shannonh32:  You’re not being harsh… if they RSVPed yes and had something last minute where they couldn’t show… that is rude of them not to call before hand and say “Sorry, last minute emerg”.  It is also rude if they didn’t call afterwards, too. 

I might talk to your Fiance and tell him to tell the Mother that these friends are not being invited to the wedding.  (or are your FIL’s helping pay? – if they aren’t, stand your ground). 

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Even if they didn’t show up (which is rude), they were still invited to the shower.  All those invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding, regardless of whether they attend.

I understand it is frustrating to have people flake out last minute, but two rudes don’t make a right.  Do you really want to make a big deal out of this with your future family?

Post # 10
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s up to you whether you want to invite them or not.  I do think though that it wouldn’t look right to invite them to the shower and not the wedding.  I understand you are upset but this happens.

I was prepared for no shows at the wedding. I shorted the count to my caterer by 10 people for this reason.  In the end, we had only 2 people not show (I was shocked, my sister had 13!!).  It eased my mind in the last weeks up to the wedding because you will find that people will call and cancel on you last minute, not realizing that you’ve already given in your count.  We had about 4 people do this and it was no problem because I expected it. 

FYI the no shows congratulated us and said nothing about why they weren’t there after RSVPing yes.  People are just clueless.

Post # 13
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I tend to think people kind of blow of showers (from the experience of my own recent shower flop) But I dont’ think people would as easily blow off a wedding….at least I hope! 

Post # 15
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I had a few RSVP yes to my shower and then not show.  I figured they forgot or something.  Would you feel differently had your mother not pre-paid per head?  I don’t think any shower guests would assume the host will be out of pocket money if they don’t show up (like it is with a wedding).

I think if they made your shower invite list, they should get an invite to the wedding – regardless of their RSVP reply and if they really show up (we had a handful of no-shows to our wedding (that replied yes))…. and, I don’t think twice about it, honestly. 

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