(Closed) Guests disregarding no-kid rule

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
47187 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

muskie2016:  Some people just like to mouth off, then later comply. I would not confront her with what you heard.

Wait until you get your rsvp’s. If someone adds in a child or children, you will have to call them “I’m sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate children. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.’

You are of course, aware that an exception is made for breastfeeding babies?

Post # 3
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Have your mom talk to your aunt and nip this in the bud. 

Post # 4
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

muskie2016: Our invitations haven’t gone out yet but pur families have already been spreading the word so people don’t just assume their kids are invited when they receive them. If we were to include all the children of our guests, that would account to 75 extra seats. We simply cannot afford that nor do we want a wedding that big. I know you shouldn’t fight rudeness with rudeness but we have already made it clear that if anyone goes against our wishes and brings any child above 2 to our wedding, they will be asked to leave. The only exceptions are FI’s niece (our flowergirl) and my two nieces and two nephews. Not only are all 5 kids the only ones who will be relatives, they are also the only ones who’s families have to travel to the wedding so we feel our decision is justified. We are having our wedding 6 hours away from us and at a time of the year we really didn’t want because that’s what worked out best for the majority of our guests. We are making things difficult for not only ourselves but also our immediate families to accomodate our guests. The least they could do is leave their kids with their multiple family members for a few hours one night. Fortunately most have been understanding and are actually looking forward to a night off from the kids but there are two families who I suspect may say they are fine with it just to get us to think all is cool and then bring their kids along anyway. What sucks is that their kids are the brattiest children I’ve ever met. One even knocked over the wedding cake at a no-kids wedding!! These parents are the kind of people who will not only ignore the bride and groom’s wishes and bring their kids along, but on top of that when the MC says something like, “Okay, we’re about to do speeches, please gather up your children” they’ll ignore it and let them run around wreaking havoc. If you wanted to act like you don’t have kids for one night then don’t bring them along in the first place!! If they end up turning up with kids in tow then we have absolutely no problem having them be asked to leave and if they kick up a fuss, they will be escorted off the property. They had plenty of warning.

As you can see, this is a huge deal to me. I highly suggest putting your foot down now to try to avoid a situation later.

Post # 5
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

This might sound harsh, but my dad and I talked about what happens when people suddenly showed up without either being invited or RSVPing: we’ll let you in, but we’re not going to trip over ourselves to accommodate you.

I would talk to your mom to see if this could be nipped in the bud, but if not and they show up with children, then those extra guests can get a seat, but their parents can share their meal with them. 

(I admit though that this is easier for me to do and say since we’re serving our meals family style so really, everyone at that table will simply get smaller portions.)

Post # 6
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

muskie2016: like others have said, if they RSVP kids, politely tell them kids are not invited. Then, as rude as it sounds, if they bring them anyway, don’t allow them in. Then again, that’s something easier said than done.

julies1949:  generally that’s the rule but it doesn’t HAVE to be, I’m not saying they can’t be invited, but it IS possible to have an absolute no kids at all rule, and if someone is breastfeeding they can either decline or make other arrangements…. again, it is to each their own on that. 

Post # 7
Member
47187 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

futuremrsc2016:  Certainly you can have a hard and fast “no kids” rule.

But anyone with a heart and even an iota of understanding of what it’s like to be a breastfeeding Mom, can usually wrap their head around accepting a nursing baby- especially newborns, whose schedule is totally unpredictable.

Post # 8
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I’m not having kids at my wedding. We are having a small wedding at a small venue and there is zero room for extra people. I would address this now, but only because I think it’s so rude when people think they can do whatever they want in regards to someone else’s wedding. If they don’t like the “rules”, they can keep their ass at home. It’s such a disrespectful move on their part if the drag their kids along.

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

julies1949:  this is true…. but what if said baby starts wailing? To me it just seems unfair to not invite kids who may be loud and noisy but a crying baby is acceptable (I’m having kids at mine, there are about 6-8 just in the wedding itself, and those who have children I don’t want there are just not invited themselves) but it seems that ESPECIALLY in OPs case, no exceptions for anyone should be made. Someone who out right says “I’m bringing them anyway” would DEFINITELY have something to say/do about exceptions. Generally exceptions aren’t that bad, but sometimes they cause more trouble than their worth. 

Post # 10
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

julies1949:  …especially when nursing babies don’t go towards headcount and are typically too small to need a chair, either at the ceremony and reception. Also, a crying baby can be removed rather easily.

We are no-kids primarily because there are only one or two children under 16 in our family (and they’re jerks who shouldn’t be invited), but we’re making an exception for babes-in-arms, regardless of how they’re being fed.

Post # 11
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

ironmaidelah:  I went to a place not too long ago that had a capacity limit that said, on the door “no babies including those being held” so some places to include babies in a headcount. And just because they CAN be removed easily, doesn’t mean they will. I don’t care if someone has babies… I’m just saying that no one HAS to. And someone who has an attitude of “I am anyway” would definitely use that IF they had a nursing baby to bring an older child as in “but I’m brining the baby…” Sadly, there are people like that. 

Post # 13
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - The Tall Ship Elissa, Galveston, TX

I must be old and jaded, but when did breastfeeding babies become the exception to a “no kids” rule?? If anything — and I say this as a mom — potentially crying babies would be one of the top reasons to not allow kids at a wedding. Breastfeeding moms can pump — and baby can happily stay home with the grandparents or something. Have we as a society become that non-accountable for our own choices? *boggle*

 

Post # 14
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

crazy4disney:  THIS! That was basically what I was saying 🙂 and tbh, there are stories of kids being 2,3, even up to age 6 and STILL breastfeeding. Maybe I just know a bunch of a**holes but I could see people using that as an excuse… but Johnny (age 2 1/2) is still breastfeeding! I can’t leave him… and YES there are parents like this… Then again that was what the way I thought too… after all if having to choose, I’d rather have older children and put them in another room with a caregiver but some would say “he’s too young” and would defeat the no children rule…. 

Post # 15
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

futuremrsc2016:  I think that the breastfeeding rule only applies if that kid relies on their mum’s breastmilk for all of their nutrients. If a kid can also eat some mushed up vegies and breastmilk is just complimentary to that, they don’t count in the breastfed exception. 

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