Post # 1
Hi bees! My fiance and I have been flip flopping over whether or not to have kids at our wedding and it was a hard decision for me. I LOVE kids and don’t have anything against them but my fiance comes from a tiny family and I come from a huge Italian family. Not inviting kids was one way to compromise on how to cut down on the guest list from my side (I have 30+ kids that are second cousins on my mom’s side alone that would need to be invited). My fiance wanted a small wedding and with my family that’s really hard to do. We were aiming for 125 guests but are now at 175. Our venue only fits 200.
We also really wanted a band at our wedding and decided to splurge on it. It has always been my dream to have a band, and we figured even though our venue is small and a band takes up a lot of space, since we were planning to invite less people we thought we’d have extra room for dancing. This was another incentive to not have kids and keep our wedding on the smaller side.
Fast forward to yesterday, and at my bridal shower I made the big reveal that no, we are not having kids at our wedding (after being shanghaid by my aunt in the bathroom). I explained that we simply don’t have room at our venue to invite everyone’s kids. I found out today that my cousin said at her table “I don’t care what she says. My kids are coming no matter what.” My other cousin (her sister) will likely bring her toddler as well. This really bugs me for multiple reasons:
1. It is our wedding. When they got married, there were WAY less kids in the family. They got to make their choice and my fiance and I should get to make ours.
2. It is disrespectful to our guests that will take the time to get an overnight sitter (our wedding is 1.5 hours from our hometown) and puts me in an awkward position when those guests see their kids at the wedding.
3. We simply don’t have enough room at our venue to have toddlers running around.
Any ideas on how to handle this?? She didn’t say it directly to me, but my cousin told me about it who heard it directly. Part of me wants to call her, but my mom’s family can be very dramatic and this cousin especially can really twist things around. I originally thought we could have a babysitter room and let people bring kids, but my parents shot that down for valid reasons and that is not an option I plan to go with now.
Post # 2
muskie2016: Some people just like to mouth off, then later comply. I would not confront her with what you heard.
Wait until you get your rsvp’s. If someone adds in a child or children, you will have to call them “I’m sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate children. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.’
You are of course, aware that an exception is made for breastfeeding babies?
Post # 3
Have your mom talk to your aunt and nip this in the bud.
Post # 4
muskie2016: Our invitations haven’t gone out yet but pur families have already been spreading the word so people don’t just assume their kids are invited when they receive them. If we were to include all the children of our guests, that would account to 75 extra seats. We simply cannot afford that nor do we want a wedding that big. I know you shouldn’t fight rudeness with rudeness but we have already made it clear that if anyone goes against our wishes and brings any child above 2 to our wedding, they will be asked to leave. The only exceptions are FI’s niece (our flowergirl) and my two nieces and two nephews. Not only are all 5 kids the only ones who will be relatives, they are also the only ones who’s families have to travel to the wedding so we feel our decision is justified. We are having our wedding 6 hours away from us and at a time of the year we really didn’t want because that’s what worked out best for the majority of our guests. We are making things difficult for not only ourselves but also our immediate families to accomodate our guests. The least they could do is leave their kids with their multiple family members for a few hours one night. Fortunately most have been understanding and are actually looking forward to a night off from the kids but there are two families who I suspect may say they are fine with it just to get us to think all is cool and then bring their kids along anyway. What sucks is that their kids are the brattiest children I’ve ever met. One even knocked over the wedding cake at a no-kids wedding!! These parents are the kind of people who will not only ignore the bride and groom’s wishes and bring their kids along, but on top of that when the MC says something like, “Okay, we’re about to do speeches, please gather up your children” they’ll ignore it and let them run around wreaking havoc. If you wanted to act like you don’t have kids for one night then don’t bring them along in the first place!! If they end up turning up with kids in tow then we have absolutely no problem having them be asked to leave and if they kick up a fuss, they will be escorted off the property. They had plenty of warning.
As you can see, this is a huge deal to me. I highly suggest putting your foot down now to try to avoid a situation later.
Post # 5
This might sound harsh, but my dad and I talked about what happens when people suddenly showed up without either being invited or RSVPing: we’ll let you in, but we’re not going to trip over ourselves to accommodate you.
I would talk to your mom to see if this could be nipped in the bud, but if not and they show up with children, then those extra guests can get a seat, but their parents can share their meal with them.
(I admit though that this is easier for me to do and say since we’re serving our meals family style so really, everyone at that table will simply get smaller portions.)
Post # 6
muskie2016: like others have said, if they RSVP kids, politely tell them kids are not invited. Then, as rude as it sounds, if they bring them anyway, don’t allow them in. Then again, that’s something easier said than done.
julies1949: generally that’s the rule but it doesn’t HAVE to be, I’m not saying they can’t be invited, but it IS possible to have an absolute no kids at all rule, and if someone is breastfeeding they can either decline or make other arrangements…. again, it is to each their own on that.
Post # 7
futuremrsc2016: Certainly you can have a hard and fast “no kids” rule.
But anyone with a heart and even an iota of understanding of what it’s like to be a breastfeeding Mom, can usually wrap their head around accepting a nursing baby- especially newborns, whose schedule is totally unpredictable.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I’m not having kids at my wedding. We are having a small wedding at a small venue and there is zero room for extra people. I would address this now, but only because I think it’s so rude when people think they can do whatever they want in regards to someone else’s wedding. If they don’t like the “rules”, they can keep their ass at home. It’s such a disrespectful move on their part if the drag their kids along.
Post # 9
julies1949: this is true…. but what if said baby starts wailing? To me it just seems unfair to not invite kids who may be loud and noisy but a crying baby is acceptable (I’m having kids at mine, there are about 6-8 just in the wedding itself, and those who have children I don’t want there are just not invited themselves) but it seems that ESPECIALLY in OPs case, no exceptions for anyone should be made. Someone who out right says “I’m bringing them anyway” would DEFINITELY have something to say/do about exceptions. Generally exceptions aren’t that bad, but sometimes they cause more trouble than their worth.
Post # 10
julies1949: …especially when nursing babies don’t go towards headcount and are typically too small to need a chair, either at the ceremony and reception. Also, a crying baby can be removed rather easily.
We are no-kids primarily because there are only one or two children under 16 in our family (and they’re jerks who shouldn’t be invited), but we’re making an exception for babes-in-arms, regardless of how they’re being fed.
Post # 11
ironmaidelah: I went to a place not too long ago that had a capacity limit that said, on the door “no babies including those being held” so some places to include babies in a headcount. And just because they CAN be removed easily, doesn’t mean they will. I don’t care if someone has babies… I’m just saying that no one HAS to. And someone who has an attitude of “I am anyway” would definitely use that IF they had a nursing baby to bring an older child as in “but I’m brining the baby…” Sadly, there are people like that.
Post # 12
julies1949: yes, absolutely. We habe a few friends who are breastfeeding and plan to call them directly so they know the “no kid” rule doesn’t apply to their baby.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2017 - The Tall Ship Elissa, Galveston, TX
I must be old and jaded, but when did breastfeeding babies become the exception to a “no kids” rule?? If anything — and I say this as a mom — potentially crying babies would be one of the top reasons to not allow kids at a wedding. Breastfeeding moms can pump — and baby can happily stay home with the grandparents or something. Have we as a society become that non-accountable for our own choices? *boggle*
Post # 14
crazy4disney: THIS! That was basically what I was saying 🙂 and tbh, there are stories of kids being 2,3, even up to age 6 and STILL breastfeeding. Maybe I just know a bunch of a**holes but I could see people using that as an excuse… but Johnny (age 2 1/2) is still breastfeeding! I can’t leave him… and YES there are parents like this… Then again that was what the way I thought too… after all if having to choose, I’d rather have older children and put them in another room with a caregiver but some would say “he’s too young” and would defeat the no children rule….
Post # 15
futuremrsc2016: I think that the breastfeeding rule only applies if that kid relies on their mum’s breastmilk for all of their nutrients. If a kid can also eat some mushed up vegies and breastmilk is just complimentary to that, they don’t count in the breastfed exception.