Post # 1
Here’s the issue.
I’m inviting my college friends to the wedding, about 20 people, and there’s drama between two of them.
We were all friends first. Then two of them started dating. They dated for a couple years, and the relationship ended badly because he cheated on her with another girl. The relationship wasn’t working for him, but he didn’t have the balls to end it, and then he fell for someone else, thus the cheating. I didn’t take sides, because I think they’re both good people, but he’s clearly at fault here.
The breakup happened 7 years ago, but it’s still a touchy subject. He’s still with the other girl. And she’s still single. And they don’t socialize in the same circle anymore. But I still see them on occasion – separately of course.
I don’t want to take sides by inviting her and not him, which would be such an insult since he lives near me so I see him more often than I see her. But I don’t want to make her miserable during the wedding either.
In the end, I invited both of them.
If they both come, I’m obviously going to seat them far apart, but should I tell them the other will be there beforehand as a warning? Or should I stay out of it completely?
I welcome all advice.
Post # 3
I would let her know, as she would be most likely to be upset by it. I would of course tell her that she would be seated far from him at the reception since you don’t necessarily expect them to interact with each other.
It’s been years and hopefully this won’t become an issue.
Post # 4
I would let her know, too. I think that being that they’re both adults, they should be able to shelf it for one day. Let he know ahead of time and tell her you completely understand if it will too awkward for her and you understand if she doesn’t want to attend. Hopefully they can set their differences aside for this one day.
Post # 5
I have kind of the same issue.. My MaidOH was married to a good high school friend of my FI’s, and he and his brother are both invited to the reception. Their marriage ended badly, about 3 years ago, and at first we were apprehensive about inviting the ex, but we both decided that we are all adults. We told both my MaidOH and her ex that the other would be there. I haven’t gotten his RSVP yet, but he’s told me multiple times (we see him about 2 times a month) that he will be there. We’ll see what happens!
Post # 6
I’m glad I’m not the only one having this problem.
I’m not looking forward to telling her. It’s an awkward subject to bring up, but I’m also afraid she’ll consider my inviting him to be a slight against her. I hope not.
Post # 7
I think it would be best to give them a heads up. Beyond that, 7 years is a long time and even if they are still upset they should be able to put that aside for your day.
I had an old boyfriend from college, man I looooved that guy and we had this rocky relationship, he was older and I met him through my older brother. He wrote me all these great love notes as I was travelling and such but apparently was dating someone the whole time. Oh I was so heartbroken! Years after we dated, and I had just returned from 2 years in the Peace Corps, my brother was married. The ex guy didn’t even bother showing up for the wedding even though he was in town and his whole family was there! (they were like "yeah he’s sleeping on the couch at home") I was secretly relieved that I didn’t have to see him. Several people thought he didn’t show because I was there. I don’t know, but it was lame and really hurt my brother’s feelings but apparently the x boyfriend guy did finally tell my brother that he is sorry he did that. Sigh. Drama.
Post # 8
As long as they each know to expect seeing one another, then you’ve done all you can do as a friend.
IMO…there is NOTHING worse than showing up at a party/wedding/event and running into your ex unexpectedly….then finding out (yes this has happened to me) that he was invited all along but the host declined to let you know in advance.
Post # 9
Yeah, especially since you are friends and likely talk anyway, just give her a heads up. Honestly, they are both adults and it will probably not be a big deal at all, but preparedness always helps!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I would definitely let them know that the other will be there… especially the girl. If I was in her shoes, I would want to know.