(Closed) Guests driving me batty

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

TLDRsome, but I share your frustration on some level. Honestly, it’s really inconsiderate for people to change their minds last minute. If I were you and I got any more “Oh yeah, we’re totally coming, we meant to tell you!” tell them that you’re sorry, but since they didn’t RSVP by the date (or even several days after), that you considered them an “Unable to Attend” because, like you mentioned, you had to get final numbers to the caterer/table vendor/mandolin player/whoever.

I will be frustrated if people showed up to my wedding in jeans and a t-shirt. I even state on the wedding website that while it’s at my parent’s ranch and we understand if you don’t wear your best heels, we hope they’ll dress up in more than just a t-shirt and jeans and tennis shoes.

Dad’s friend bringing a date? Not cool. Here’s what I’m planning on doing – I have a seating chart that is just listing what table guests are at and they can pick their seat from there. I am having an extra table just in case someone comes that obviously wasn’t invited, but it will be obvious by their lack of name on the table seating that they made the faux-pas and I graciously was prepared. I’m also specifically saying on our RSVPs “We have ___ seats reserved in your honor” and filling in the blank. If stuff comes up, I also have that RSVP to back me up saying, “Nono, you can’t just invite anyone will-nilly. There are two spots set for you and your wife. Not you and your wife and your two good friends.”

After today, I think the numbers are final. Whatever you’ve done to accommodate others, let it stand. If people change their minds again, screw it. If they all of a sudden aren’t coming, still count as if they are. None of this reworking stuff like “Well, since so and so said they all of a sudden couldn’t come, I guess Becky who just texted me she’s coming can take so and so’s seat”. Maybe I’m too harsh, but I cannot stand wishy-washy people.

Post # 3
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

 I feel your pain, but my wedding is June 11, my RSVPs were due by May 21 yet I’m still having to chase down people to find out if they’re coming or not. Plus I’ve had several people RSVP no, and then later call me and say that actually they can attend . 

Post # 5
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

People are so annoying. We’ve had to add two couples last minute because they fished for invitations and my parents couldn’t bring themselves to say no, only for all four of those people to pull out after the table arrangements have been made, escort cards have been ordered, and numbers have been submitted to the caterer. Then there’s one person who just refuses to tell us whether or not she’s coming…she’s my mom’s friend’s daughter, so my mom finally told her to tell us by today if she’s coming or we are going to count her as a no. My wedding is pretty obviously formal; it’s in a hotel ballroom so there is no reason for people to think it’s cool to just change their minds last minute or come if they can or whatever. One of the aforementioned couples just got married and the other is an older couple whose daughter just got married, so it’s not like they haven’t seen firsthand what goes into planning a wedding. Ugh.

Post # 6
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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frustratedbee2016:  I feel your pain! This was the most frustrating part of the last few days before the wedding. I even had some people show up the day of the wedding that weren’t even invited. At a certain point though, just do what you can and let the rest of it go. You and your hubby will be married at the end of it! Hopefully your RSVP headaches are over for now.

Post # 7
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
frustratedbee2016:  Oh I’m sorry Bee, I kind of laughed reading your post  Karma will get me when my invitations go out at the end of the week…

People take the “honor of your presence” WAY too seriously sometimes!

Post # 8
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I got married 3 weeks ago and the same thing happened to me. It was SO annoying having to chase guests down to get a simple yes or no. Two of the problem guests were people the Mother-In-Law insisted we invite. They never sent an RSVP back. I had to ask Mother-In-Law about 4 times for a yes or no. They finally told her to tell us YES, and guess what, neither of them showed up! People just dont understand or care that weddings are expensive and paying for food for people who can’t be bothered to RSVP is a waste of money. I totally feel your pain. However, I will say that on the day I didn’t even notice that they weren’t there. It was a such a beautiful happy day and yours will be too. None of those frustrations you feel now will matter anymore 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
frustratedbee2016:  Yeah, the plane ticket thing – what could you do, you know? A little sneaky on their part, maybe unintentionally, though. Regardless, I hope this is the last bit of big drama you have to deal with 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
frustratedbee2016:  Sorry it’s such a pain. I think we all deal with some RSVP nonsense. For me it was my cousin’s family. Before invites went out, I asked my cousin if any of her kids (17, 18, & 20) needed +1s. She said they were coming as a family and staying the weekend in a hotel, so no one would be bringing dates. Great! 

Then on the Wednesday before my Saturday wedding, she texts vaguely hinting at some sort of drama with her oldest daughter ‘running away’. Um. She’s 20. She didn’t run away- she moved out. Anyway, now daughter still wants to come, but with her boyfriend. THIS IS THREE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING. Final numbers were already in and I had way better things to worry about than her stupid drama. Lucky for her, DH’s nephew had just let us know his Girlfriend wouldn’t be coming earlier that day, so I said fine, cousin’s daughter can bring her boyfriend. She thanks me but includes more “woe is me” shit about the drama. I don’t respond because IDGAF.

And after all that? The freaking daughter shows up solo. Does anyone bother to apologize to me for the no-show? NOPE. Meanwhile, the cousin was SUPER annoying all through the reception and at one point I snapped at her to leave me alone. And she wonders why I opt to go to the other side of the family on holiday….

Post # 11
Member
6963 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I totally get where you’re coming from! I’m in sort of the same situation except my husband and I already got married in a small Destination Wedding in Puerto Rico. Our big at-home reception is coming up and no one seems to get that this is basically the same as every other reception they’ve been to, minus the wedding! I have worked very hard on it. I keep getting attire questions. I put all the info on our website but of course no one looks there. I’m just waiting for a bunch of people to show up in t-shirts and jeans and there I am in a fancy wedding dress. I know etiquette says you aren’t supposed to include attire on the invitations, but I really wish I did anyway 😕

Post # 13
Member
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I just want to say I loved your origial post, OP it made me laugh outloud! I know its not funny, but like, seriously what is with some people!? Good luck tomorrow and congrats! 

Post # 14
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee

…and this is why I’m gonna do a <50 person wedding with only immediate family (and a couple of mutual friends). People suck.

Post # 15
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Oh hell no. I would have submitted your final numbers and that was that. If they don’t have a plate because they changed their minds or decided at the last possible second to RSVP, it’s not your fault. 

About the dress code, did you list it on the invitation what people should wear? If not, I can see why people would think it was more relaxed. 

I’m sorry for all of your frustrations but I hope you have a beautiful wedding day.

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