Post # 1
Some days I just want to say f*** it and call the whole thing off. I love my Fiance but our guests are seriously driving me up the wall.
Wedding is this weekend. RSVPs were obviously due a little while ago. We had to chase some down but I knew that would happen. I submitted our final numbers to our vendors about a week ago. Problem is…people keep changing their minds! I had 3 friends RSVP yes (this wasn’t a friend group of 3 all invited together, these were 3 totally separate guests), only to call me the day after the due date to change their responses. Annoying but at least it wasn’t later than that. I worked it out. Then my FI’s cousins who live out of the country never responded. We contacted them: “Hey, we know you probably can’t make it but we need to know your response no later than _____ because we have to give our final numbers to the caterer.” No response. We contact them again a few days later: “Our final numbers are due today and since we haven’t heard from you, we’ll have to count you as a no. We hope all is well and we’ll miss you!” Then 2 days later (after I’ve submitted our final numbers) they finally text back. Yes, they are coming. They just bought their plane tickets. What?! Alright well time to rework some stuff. Then we have my dad’s friend who I’ve only met a few times. He responded yes a while ago. He filled out the RSVP card indicating 1 person is coming (himself) and put his initials by his meal choice. Well apparently he’s dating someone (I think it’s fairly recent since my dad had no idea about it) and when talking to my dad yesterday it came up in conversation that he was bringing a date. He just assumed it was okay. How on earth were we supposed to know that? He RSVPed for 1! Selected a meal choice for 1! If he had messaged us letting us know ahead of time, we could’ve worked something out. What made him think that we didn’t need to know about an extra person? Now I’m scrambling to contact my caterer so this woman actually gets some food! So I go through all that and then when my dad calls him up to get his date’s name (for the place card), this guy informs my dad that they won’t actually be able to make it for dinner, but they’ll stop by later. WTF am I doing then?! Thanks for nothing guy! Have these people never been invited to a wedding before?
One thing that I think doesn’t help is that my Fiance and I are getting married in my parents’ backyard. That’s where they got married 35 years ago so it’s always something I wanted to do. And it’s going to be very nice (they have a big corner lot) with tents and nice linens and all that jazz. But people hear it’s at my parents’ house and they think it’s really no big deal. They can show up late, dress in jeans, whatever. No! It is the same as every other wedding. I have worked tirelessly to work out seating arrangements and menu choices to make sure everyone has a good time and logistically it all works out. We have reserved a seat for you for an actual meal. If you plan on only stopping by later or whatever then your food goes to waste. Plus I’ve been trying to be relaxed about things like attire. I know these are all adults and can dress themselves. But still, I will still be in a wedding dress so I’d appreciate it if you could at least wear a collared shirt and khakis, maybe run a comb through your hair. One of my FI’s good friends just messaged me asking if it would be alright for him to wear a t-shirt. He’s never worn anything but a suit to any other wedding but since this is at my family home I guess he thinks it doesn’t matter. I just told him to wear whatever. I don’t want to deal with it.
I love my Fiance and want to be married to him more than anything else in the world but at this point I just wish we eloped.
Post # 2
TLDRsome, but I share your frustration on some level. Honestly, it’s really inconsiderate for people to change their minds last minute. If I were you and I got any more “Oh yeah, we’re totally coming, we meant to tell you!” tell them that you’re sorry, but since they didn’t RSVP by the date (or even several days after), that you considered them an “Unable to Attend” because, like you mentioned, you had to get final numbers to the caterer/table vendor/mandolin player/whoever.
I will be frustrated if people showed up to my wedding in jeans and a t-shirt. I even state on the wedding website that while it’s at my parent’s ranch and we understand if you don’t wear your best heels, we hope they’ll dress up in more than just a t-shirt and jeans and tennis shoes.
Dad’s friend bringing a date? Not cool. Here’s what I’m planning on doing – I have a seating chart that is just listing what table guests are at and they can pick their seat from there. I am having an extra table just in case someone comes that obviously wasn’t invited, but it will be obvious by their lack of name on the table seating that they made the faux-pas and I graciously was prepared. I’m also specifically saying on our RSVPs “We have ___ seats reserved in your honor” and filling in the blank. If stuff comes up, I also have that RSVP to back me up saying, “Nono, you can’t just invite anyone will-nilly. There are two spots set for you and your wife. Not you and your wife and your two good friends.”
After today, I think the numbers are final. Whatever you’ve done to accommodate others, let it stand. If people change their minds again, screw it. If they all of a sudden aren’t coming, still count as if they are. None of this reworking stuff like “Well, since so and so said they all of a sudden couldn’t come, I guess Becky who just texted me she’s coming can take so and so’s seat”. Maybe I’m too harsh, but I cannot stand wishy-washy people.
Post # 3
I feel your pain, but my wedding is June 11, my RSVPs were due by May 21 yet I’m still having to chase down people to find out if they’re coming or not. Plus I’ve had several people RSVP no, and then later call me and say that actually they can attend .
Post # 4
I agree that I have been far too accomodating thus far. I’ll admit I’m a bit of a pushover and would hate people to think I’m being rude. However that’s ridiculous because they are the ones being rude! From here on out: no changes. I wish we could do the whole “extra table” thing like you’re doing, but we’re at our limit space-wise as is. My parents say that if people show up that didn’t RSVP on the day of, they can sit by themselves at our kitchen table, lol!
As for FI’s cousins, I totally would’ve said that since we didn’t hear it in time they can’t come, but since they said they had already bought their plane tickets and are flying in from a whole other country, I felt like I couldn’t just say “too bad,” you know?
ETA: Also I did do that __ seats have been reserved in your honor thing and yet my dad’s friend STILL didn’t think that was important I guess.
Post # 5
People are so annoying. We’ve had to add two couples last minute because they fished for invitations and my parents couldn’t bring themselves to say no, only for all four of those people to pull out after the table arrangements have been made, escort cards have been ordered, and numbers have been submitted to the caterer. Then there’s one person who just refuses to tell us whether or not she’s coming…she’s my mom’s friend’s daughter, so my mom finally told her to tell us by today if she’s coming or we are going to count her as a no. My wedding is pretty obviously formal; it’s in a hotel ballroom so there is no reason for people to think it’s cool to just change their minds last minute or come if they can or whatever. One of the aforementioned couples just got married and the other is an older couple whose daughter just got married, so it’s not like they haven’t seen firsthand what goes into planning a wedding. Ugh.
Post # 6
I feel your pain! This was the most frustrating part of the last few days before the wedding. I even had some people show up the day of the wedding that weren’t even invited. At a certain point though, just do what you can and let the rest of it go. You and your hubby will be married at the end of it! Hopefully your RSVP headaches are over for now.
Post # 7
Oh I’m sorry Bee, I kind of laughed reading your post
Karma will get me when my invitations go out at the end of the week…
People take the “honor of your presence” WAY too seriously sometimes!
Post # 8
I got married 3 weeks ago and the same thing happened to me. It was SO annoying having to chase guests down to get a simple yes or no. Two of the problem guests were people the Mother-In-Law insisted we invite. They never sent an RSVP back. I had to ask Mother-In-Law about 4 times for a yes or no. They finally told her to tell us YES, and guess what, neither of them showed up! People just dont understand or care that weddings are expensive and paying for food for people who can’t be bothered to RSVP is a waste of money. I totally feel your pain. However, I will say that on the day I didn’t even notice that they weren’t there. It was a such a beautiful happy day and yours will be too. None of those frustrations you feel now will matter anymore 🙂
Post # 9
Yeah, the plane ticket thing – what could you do, you know? A little sneaky on their part, maybe unintentionally, though. Regardless, I hope this is the last bit of big drama you have to deal with 🙂
Post # 10
Sorry it’s such a pain. I think we all deal with some RSVP nonsense. For me it was my cousin’s family. Before invites went out, I asked my cousin if any of her kids (17, 18, & 20) needed +1s. She said they were coming as a family and staying the weekend in a hotel, so no one would be bringing dates. Great!
Then on the Wednesday before my Saturday wedding, she texts vaguely hinting at some sort of drama with her oldest daughter ‘running away’. Um. She’s 20. She didn’t run away- she moved out. Anyway, now daughter still wants to come, but with her boyfriend. THIS IS THREE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING. Final numbers were already in and I had way better things to worry about than her stupid drama. Lucky for her, DH’s nephew had just let us know his Girlfriend wouldn’t be coming earlier that day, so I said fine, cousin’s daughter can bring her boyfriend. She thanks me but includes more “woe is me” shit about the drama. I don’t respond because IDGAF.
And after all that? The freaking daughter shows up solo. Does anyone bother to apologize to me for the no-show? NOPE. Meanwhile, the cousin was SUPER annoying all through the reception and at one point I snapped at her to leave me alone. And she wonders why I opt to go to the other side of the family on holiday….
Post # 11
I totally get where you’re coming from! I’m in sort of the same situation except my husband and I already got married in a small Destination Wedding in Puerto Rico. Our big at-home reception is coming up and no one seems to get that this is basically the same as every other reception they’ve been to, minus the wedding! I have worked very hard on it. I keep getting attire questions. I put all the info on our website but of course no one looks there. I’m just waiting for a bunch of people to show up in t-shirts and jeans and there I am in a fancy wedding dress. I know etiquette says you aren’t supposed to include attire on the invitations, but I really wish I did anyway 😕
Post # 12
Thank you everyone for your support! 😉 The wedding is tomorrow…ahhh!! Wish me luck!
Post # 13
I just want to say I loved your origial post, OP it made me laugh outloud! I know its not funny, but like, seriously what is with some people!? Good luck tomorrow and congrats!
Post # 14
…and this is why I’m gonna do a <50 person wedding with only immediate family (and a couple of mutual friends). People suck.
Post # 15
Oh hell no. I would have submitted your final numbers and that was that. If they don’t have a plate because they changed their minds or decided at the last possible second to RSVP, it’s not your fault.
About the dress code, did you list it on the invitation what people should wear? If not, I can see why people would think it was more relaxed.
I’m sorry for all of your frustrations but I hope you have a beautiful wedding day.