Post # 1
Okay so I don’t entirely know if this belongs in money, but oh well.
So this post is inspired by my poor mother and the dilema she’s in. My stepdad’s nephew is getting married this fall and it’s a pretty fancy (read expensive) wedding. Well they have a big family so there is a "committee" for the bride’s shower. Guess who was TOLD she had to help put it on…my momma. These people never want anything to do with her unless they want money or gifts! There are 9 people on this committee and apparently each HAS to contribute 100 dollars for the party and 45 dollars for the group present. They will also be getting them a wedding present. To top it off, she was told that my stepdad had to buy a new suit to wear to the wedding and my five year old brother had to wear a new one too (he’s not in the wedding). So knowing this, she also has to buy two new outfits for the shower and wedding because what she has isn’t good enough (ARG!). All said and done, the poor woman will be shelling out 500 to 600 dollars for these events. AND its a local wedding. She wants to put her foot down and say no, but her Mother-In-Law and SILs are being *itches to her.
For them, this is A LOT of money. So…do you ever feel guilty about how much your guests might have to spend to be a part of your day? Have you or will you do anything to help your guests out? Or, am I unreasonable to think that these demands made on my mom are freaking excessive?
I don’t forsee this being an issue at my wedding as it is a local and casual wedding. I’m not demanding anything and I know that this means I run the risk of relatives showing up in jeans and tees. I just think its absolutely crazy that brides and grooms think their guests OWE them all these things just to witness and celebrate their wedding. Doesn’t it seem crazy to have a 50,000 dollar wedding and then demand your guests go broke attending it? btw, pretty much every family on the groom’s side are going to be hit hard for this wedding.
Post # 3
To be honest, I think it’s a little disrespectful to tell guests that they must fork over so much money to help host a shower and provide a gift if it is beyond their financial means.
Is there someone that your stepdad or you can speak to that will allow your mother to gracefully decline the invituation to help with the shower, but not embarras her? Or is there something that she can help to do to contribute that will not force her to spend more than she can. I know everyone wants their wedding to be perfect, but that shouldn’t mean putting your family in a hard place!
Sorry, no great advice..
Post # 4
Unfortunately, there is no graceful way for her to get out of this one. Its pretty much been made clear to her (because she has been trying to get out of this duty) that she either does all this (and stays only slightly accepted) or is completely ostracized. CRAZY!
I know its not my business, but seeing that I was childhood friends with the bride and know all these people I want to give them a piece of my mind. I won’t of course, but holy cow. The other crazy thing is that family member shouldn’t be throwing the party anyway!
Post # 5
In my family, it is tradition to have the family help pay for different aspects of the wedding, we have "sponsors" or "padrinos" who will sponsor an item, or sponsor part of an item, like the officiant or centerpeices. However, the amount of money is never demanded and the family can give whatever amount they would like.
My family has done this for years, its part of our Mexican tradition. BUT, since my FI’s family is not familar with this tradition we arn’t asking them to be a part of this because we don’t want anyone to feel awkward.
Has your mother’s family had these committees before? I think its odd to demand money or just up and create a "tradition."
Post # 6
Well in his family they do this all the time. She actually gets calls from her Mother-In-Law pretty much demanding money for so and sos baby shower, graduation, ect. The things is that my mom and stepdad are TOLD to how much and when. She never hears from many of these people unless its something like this (oh we need money for a shower). She thinks its in poor taste all around but the icing on the cake is that they never include them. That is to say, when my little brother was born, no shower. On her birthday her Mother-In-Law called to say she wasn’t going to get her a present, instead she would use that money to send to someone else (for their event) in my mom’s name!
So while this is not new, its still not tradition really.
Post # 7
This is exactly why family members should not throw showers. They may as well be wearing a black and white horizontal striped shirt, a black eye mask and holding a large sack with a big dollar sign on it. Showers are about people who WANT to give the bride and groom a gift, not for people faking nervous smiles with a gun pointed to their backs by the brides family.
Why is it so important for your mom not to be ‘ostracized’ by the family? Will they really have a bouncer at Xmas not letting her in? If I were her I would feel good about bowing out of this one.
Post # 8
Hmmm with a family like that I think I’d be choosing ostracisation, to be honest! My wedding is going to cost people money. We are having it 2 hours away from where most of the guests live (and further away from the rest of them!) , in a resort that is fairly expensive to stay in, with a ‘cocktail’ dress code. I don’t want people to feel pressured by it though – there are accommodation options close by that aren’t so expensive, I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they must buy new clothes, and if we get a bunch of cards and no presents I won’t blink an eye. We’re paying for our bridal party’s clothes and a big chunk of their accommodation costs too. I think it’s all about your attitude and how you approach things – so far everyone is really excited about going somewhere different for a wedding, so I haven’t felt too guilty!
Post # 9
That’s a bit much, guests are just that, guests, they are not expected to contribute anything. It’s rude for people to ask. My guests will have fun and be treated well, and hopefully they will be generous with there wedding presents. As far as demanding them to shell out cash for specific things, is absolutly ridiculous. The only people who should be spending money on the wedding other than me, is my bridal party. That being said, they choose to enter that position when I asked them. So they knew there would be some costs associated with them being in the bridal party.