(Closed) Guests forking over lots of loot…

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

To be honest, I think it’s a little disrespectful to tell guests that they must fork over so much money to help host a shower and provide a gift if it is beyond their financial means. 

Is there someone that your stepdad or you can speak to that will allow your mother to gracefully decline the invituation to help with the shower, but not embarras her? Or is there something that she can help to do to contribute that will not force her to spend more than she can.  I know everyone wants their wedding to be perfect, but that shouldn’t mean putting your family in a hard place!

Sorry, no great advice..

Post # 5
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

In my family, it is tradition to have the family help pay for different aspects of the wedding, we have "sponsors" or "padrinos" who will sponsor an item, or sponsor part of an item, like the officiant or centerpeices. However, the amount of money is never demanded and the family can give whatever amount they would like.

My family has done this for years, its part of our Mexican tradition. BUT, since my FI’s family is not familar with this tradition we arn’t asking them to be a part of this because we don’t want anyone to feel awkward.

Has your mother’s family had these committees before? I think its odd to demand money or just up and create a "tradition."

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is exactly why family members should not throw showers. They may as well be wearing a black and white horizontal striped shirt, a black eye mask and holding a large sack with a big dollar sign on it. Showers are about people who WANT to give the bride and groom a gift, not for people faking nervous smiles with a gun pointed to their backs by the brides family.

Why is it so important for your mom not to be ‘ostracized’ by the family? Will they really have a bouncer at Xmas not letting her in? If I were her I would feel good about bowing out of this one.

Post # 8
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm with a family like that I think I’d be choosing ostracisation, to be honest! My wedding is going to cost people money. We are having it 2 hours away from where most of the guests live (and further away from the rest of them!) , in a resort that is fairly expensive to stay in, with a ‘cocktail’ dress code. I don’t want people to feel pressured by it though – there are accommodation options close by that aren’t so expensive, I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to feel like they must buy new clothes, and if we get a bunch of cards and no presents I won’t blink an eye. We’re paying for our bridal party’s clothes and a big chunk of their accommodation costs too. I think it’s all about your attitude and how you approach things – so far everyone is really excited about going somewhere different for a wedding, so I haven’t felt too guilty!

Post # 9
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

That’s a bit much, guests are just that, guests, they are not expected to contribute anything. It’s rude for people to ask. My guests will have fun and be treated well, and hopefully they will be generous with there wedding presents. As far as demanding them to shell out cash for specific things, is absolutly ridiculous. The only people who should be spending money on the wedding other than me, is my bridal party. That being said, they choose to enter that position when I asked them. So they knew there would be some costs associated with them being in the bridal party.

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