Guests inviting other people to your wedding??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh yes. My aunt invited her best friend, same story she just told me. In this case I was okay with it because I really like her best friend, but if she were someone I didn’t know I was ready to say “sorry, but we have a very limited number of people we can invite. I’m afraid we can’t accomodate her. Please be sure to let her know as soon as possible”.

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s absurd.  Only the host can invite anyone, what they are doing is trying to force you to have to invite them because they’ve already told them about it.  Don’t fall for it!  It’s their rudeness to have said anything to their guests, not yours for holding your ground.  Say to your aunt and bridesmaid: “I’m sure they’ll understand when you tell them it wasn’t your place to invite them and they cannot be accomodated”.  You don’t have to justify your response with details like space or money, in fact don’t, because then they’ll try to get around you by offering to pay or something.  The reason they can’t come is that you are in charge of the guest list and no one else, that’s all.  I can’t believe people some times.

Post # 5
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

what?! people are so stupid! sorry you are dealing with this, but yes…typical!

Post # 6
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yeah, I had that happen.  I contacted an old friend for her address and her parents address so I could send them an invite.  She emailed me back and also made sure to let me know her brother was living with her parents and that I should invite him too (even though she didn’t invite my siblings to her wedding).  I brushed it off and ignored it and then none of them even showed up for the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ugh, my uncle (mom’s brother) invited my aunt’s (his wife) parents to our wedding.  They live in Uzbekistan and will be visit for the 3 month period that our wedding falls in, so they’re bringing them on a cross country tour that culminates with my wedding and them flying out of nyc to get back home. Kinda annoyed that I now have to pay over $300 bucks for their dinner and stuff when i barely know them. (met them once at my uncle’s wedding).

Post # 9
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

It’s easy to invite other people when you’re not the one who’s paying for it. That’s my theory on the whole issue b/c I’m sure if roles were reversed that they’d be feeling the say way you do now. Your in a tough spot but if it’s not a big problem to include your aunt’s mother-in-law then just let it slide. But… do tell your aunt that she cannot invite anymore people w/o your permission going forth. It’s a nice compromise w/o stepping on toes.

Post # 10
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel your pain. My sister-in-law (BM) who’s expecting forced along with her mom (my future MIL) to invite her Mother-In-Law because she’ll be the one babysitting. Why should I be forced to feed her babysitter, a woman I’ve never met? Mother-In-Law: “she’ll give you a gift, probably $100.” Bridesmaid or Best Man aka future SIL: “we’ll pay for her meal- why is this such a big deal?”

f you don’t ask and you force something on a bride it’s not acceptable! P.S. my brother and his wife (also in the wedding) are expecting and have already sorted out their babysitting issues so they can enjoy the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

wow, this is so annoying. People just don’t think!! How could it not occur to them that extra people means extra money?? Well, at least they are giving you a heads-up about it.

I live in fear of the people that just show up unannounced. Very typical at Mexican weddings. I spread the word early that our guest list would be tight, so I’m hoping people get a clue.

Oh, and get this…Fiance actually called his brothers and sister to get their individual guest lists!! WHAT?! They each invited about 2-3 couples that we’ve never met (their co-workers)…insanity! he’s lucky I forgive easily…lol

 

Post # 12
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Wow – that’s insane. We haven’t had any of that yet but I know it’s probably coming. You kinda backed yourself into a corner with the friend’s brother – I would invite him now, but I would def. voice your opinion to your friend too so she knows she put you in an awkward position.

Can you ask your Mom to handle your Aunt? That seems a little crazy to me. Is there a reason she should be coming?

Post # 13
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s kind of insane… I feel your pain.  One of my bridesmaids asked if her dad could come because he’s going to be in town.  At this point, I don’t even care, because it’s easier to say yes than fight about it. 

I think the only thing you can do when you’re put in awkward situations like that (ie, when they invite guests to your wedding right in front of you) is to maybe take your bridesmaid aside later and say that you really can’t accomodate her brother, or else just let him come if it’s feasible.  Let her break the news to him.  With your family, that’s tricky.  It probably depends on your family, but I would probably have to just let that one go and let your aunt’s Mother-In-Law come.

Post # 15
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Eeek I’m so afraid of this. Fiance has only has one rude person run in, but I have not yet! I guess this is the time when brides have to learn how to say “No” but it’s so hard especially if the person is standing right in from of you!

Post # 16
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

please, please be upfront with you Bridesmaid or Best Man and tell her due to space/money/whatever issues, you really can’t afford to avoid to invite more people and she really put you in the spot when she asked in front of her brother.  she’s your bm, i’m sure you can talk about this with her.

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