Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together since high school, and therefore we invited some of our friends’ parents (who we’re still close to). Two sets of these parents RSVPed for themselves and wrote in the names of their younger, college-aged daughters, who we are NOT friends with. On the invitations, we wrote the names of the parents, not “the Smith family.” Am I just stuck with these girls coming? I have met them before but have only spoken with them a few times. Just because I am friends with the older daughter, am I obligated to have their younger siblings at my wedding? These girls are normally away at college, but since we’ll be getting married in the summer, I suppose they will be back living at home with their parents.
Since it’s just two extra guests, it’s not the extra cost that has me upset; it’s the fact that we only want people there who we’re close to. Any suggestions? One reason I am extremely hesitant to say anything is because these moms are both gossips, and I wouldn’t want anything untoward to be spread around the neighborhood about me or my fiance.
I appreciate the help.
Post # 3
Since it’s only 2, I would personally just let it go and have them there. You will have a few guests RSVP no anyway so as long as you aren’t over your count or whatever, just let it go.
Post # 4
Get on the phone asap and tell them that you only have space/budget/etc for those whose names are specifically on the invitations. If they are unable to comply, then sorry you will miss them.
Post # 5
How many people did you invite? If it’s over 100 people, I would probably just accept it and move on (unless you really don’t want them there). If you are having a small wedding (say 30 people), I would probably let the parents know that it is an extremely small wedding and unfortunately space is limited.
Post # 6
How large is your guest list? If it’s a small wedding, I think it is completely reasonable that you contact them by phone and say you’re sorry but you don’t have the space for the other two siblings, your invitation was only meant for the parents. If you’re having a large gathering, it’s unlikely you’ll notice the extra two guests, and it would be hard to use space as an excuse. In that case, I would say seat them in the back and don’t worry about it.
Post # 7
We’re having about 120 guests, so it’s medium-sized, I suppose. We DO only have 120 seats, but you’re right that some people have RSVPed “no,” and that having two extras wouldn’t be a huge inconvenience. I just need to realize that everything can’t go perfectly, and that some people will just never understand wedding etiquette. Thanks for the advice, everyone.
Post # 8
Aw, well I’m sure you’ll have an awesome time anyway! I had two uninvited guests show up at my 25 guest wedding, so I can totally empathize with you! I hope that they are the only ones at your wedding though (and at least they RSVPed so you know they are coming!).
Post # 9
um sorry thats a no. get on the horn and tell them that you only have the two seats reserved, sorry but if they cant come because of that, you will see them some other time!
i hate it when people do that. and really – adding ADULTS? i sometimes can understand people adding their kids (which is wrong too) but adults?
call them immediately.
Post # 10
I know this will be problematic for me as well. Due to my venue size, I will hit capacity and will use that as an excuse. Apologize to them but explain that you can not accommodate their kids.
Post # 11
We had someone do this to us. We clearly addressed the invitation to Mr and Mrs. not “smith family”.
They added their 2 older adult children. Granted the two children live in the household because they are terribly spoiled but still, I should be able to invite the parents without adding 2 extra guests. What frustrates me the most is that like you, we aren’t friends with these kids. I am pretty sure they don’t even really want to come. I’m sure it was their mother that just told them they were all attending as a family.
We just sucked it up and went with the flow because knowing this family we couldn’t say anything without causing MAJOR drama. However if you feel you can say something then you should. It has really sucked planning and taking them into account.
Post # 12
I’m personally not a fan of people controlling your guest list for you. As long as it doesn’t cause a huge fight, I would just call them up and very sweetly say that there “must have been a little misunderstanding” and that “unfortunately you will not be able to include Sally and Jane”. The point is not the money, it is that these guests are being rude by including non-invited guests (and who knows? They might not even have realized that their daughters weren’t invited) and they should not be allowed to behave as such. Why should you have two people who you don’t know at all at your wedding? It’s not a charity event, it’s your wedding and a celebration of your marriage, and not the place for a bunch of people who you don’t know.
Post # 13
As someone whose guest list has spiraled out of control, I would say contact them and do as others have suggested in citing venue restrictioons etcetera as a reason for not inviting the ‘kids’ but that you still hope mr and mrs smith will be able to attend.
Post # 14
You have the right to make a call and fix the situation, but of course, that’s always a little awkward. Decide how much of a problem you think it is. No matter the size of your wedding, it’s very rude for guests to do this.
Post # 15
I think you would be a gracious hostess if you just allowed the two girls to attend… unless you think that other couples will be offended that you didn’t invite their kids… It doesn’t sound like the wedding will be so small that they will be noticibly out of place.
Post # 16
I think that you need to call the parents and let them know that you’ve extended the invitation to the parents only. Honestly, when another family shows up and sees that someone’s adult children were invited, they may feel insulted that their own children were not invited. (I’ve seen this happen at other affairs). I’m sure that it is a misunderstanding, and it isn’t like they will say to you “oh well, then we can’t come either, because Jane and Jane Doe can’t be by themselves.”
If you feel uncomfortable making the call ask your mom or Future Mother-In-Law to do it.