(Closed) Guests inviting their college-aged kids

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Since it’s only 2, I would personally just let it go and have them there. You will have a few guests RSVP no anyway so as long as you aren’t over your count or whatever, just let it go.

Post # 4
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Get on the phone asap and tell them that you only have space/budget/etc for those whose names are specifically on the invitations. If they are unable to comply, then sorry you will miss them.

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

How many people did you invite?  If it’s over 100 people, I would probably just accept it and  move on (unless you really don’t want them there).  If you are having a small wedding (say 30 people), I would probably let the parents know that it is an extremely small wedding and unfortunately space is limited.

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

How large is your guest list?  If it’s a small wedding, I think it is completely reasonable that you contact them by phone and say you’re sorry but you don’t have the space for the other two siblings, your invitation was only meant for the parents.  If you’re having a large gathering, it’s unlikely you’ll notice the extra two guests, and it would be hard to use space as an excuse.  In that case, I would say seat them in the back and don’t worry about it.

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Aw, well I’m sure you’ll have an awesome time anyway!  I had two uninvited guests show up at my 25 guest wedding, so I can totally empathize with you!  I hope that they are the only ones at your wedding though (and at least they RSVPed so you know they are coming!).

Post # 9
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

um sorry thats a no. get on the horn and tell them that you only have the two seats reserved, sorry but if they cant come because of that, you will see them some other time!

i hate it when people do that. and really – adding ADULTS? i sometimes can understand people adding their kids (which is wrong too) but adults?

call them immediately.

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know this will be problematic for me as well. Due to my venue size, I will hit capacity and will use that as an excuse. Apologize to them but explain that you can not accommodate their kids.

Post # 11
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had someone do this to us.  We clearly addressed the invitation to Mr and Mrs.  not “smith family”. 

They added their 2 older adult children.  Granted the two children live in the household because they are terribly spoiled but still, I should be able to invite the parents without adding 2 extra guests.  What frustrates me the most is that like you, we aren’t friends with these kids.  I am pretty sure they don’t even really want to come.  I’m sure it was their mother that just told them they were all attending as a family. 

We just sucked it up and went with the flow because knowing this family we couldn’t say anything without causing MAJOR drama.  However if you feel you can say something then you should.  It has really sucked planning and taking them into account.

 

Post # 12
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m personally not a fan of people controlling your guest list for you.  As long as it doesn’t cause a huge fight, I would just call them up and very sweetly say that there “must have been a little misunderstanding” and that “unfortunately you will not be able to include Sally and Jane”.  The point is not the money, it is that these guests are being rude by including non-invited guests (and who knows?  They might not even have realized that their daughters weren’t invited) and they should not be allowed to behave as such.  Why should you have two people who you don’t know at all at your wedding?  It’s not a charity event, it’s your wedding and a celebration of your marriage, and not the place for a bunch of people who you don’t know. 

Post # 13
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

As someone whose guest list has spiraled out of control, I would say contact them and do as others have suggested in citing venue restrictioons etcetera as a reason for not inviting the ‘kids’ but that you still hope mr and mrs smith will be able to attend.

Post # 14
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You have the right to make a call and fix the situation, but of course, that’s always a little awkward. Decide how much of a problem you think it is. No matter the size of your wedding, it’s very rude for guests to do this.

Post # 15
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I think you would be a gracious hostess if you just allowed the two girls to attend… unless you think that other couples will be offended that you didn’t invite their kids…  It doesn’t sound like the wedding will be so small that they will be noticibly out of place. 

Post # 16
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think that you need to call the parents and let them know that you’ve extended the invitation to the parents only.  Honestly, when another family shows up and sees that someone’s adult children were invited, they may feel insulted that their own children were not invited.  (I’ve seen this happen at other affairs). I’m sure that it is a misunderstanding, and it isn’t like they will say to you “oh well, then we can’t come either, because Jane and Jane Doe can’t be by themselves.”

If you feel uncomfortable making the call ask your mom or Future Mother-In-Law to do it.

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