Post # 1
This entire wedding planning process has been great for us. We’ve met and booked fabulous people. Our friends and family have been happy, cooperative, and supportive. It’s all been a dream…but I knew it was too good to last.
Now here we are 6 months from the wedding and this guest list literally has me in tears almost every day. There are so many people I would love to invite. If we invited them all we’d easily have a 500 person wedding. But alas there’s that whole pesky budget thing.
Here’s where we get to the part that’s really bothering me. Back in October my best friend got married. She did not invite my parents to the wedding and I honestly didn’t think anything of it. Yeah she’s my best friend but other than going with us on a few vacations as a kid she never spent much time with my family(I had a tumultuous childhood and insisted on spending most of my time outside my house)
My mom went out and spent about $150 on food for my friends shower. I did not ask, she just offered to help me out and as a gift to my friend. I found out after the wedding my parents were really upset they spent money on her shower but were not offered an invite to the wedding.
Fast forward to now. I show my mom the guest list (on the list I have included my friends divorced parents) and she throws an all out tantrum. She is now absolutely adament that we take my friends parents off the list. Now I could live without my friend’s mom coming(I’m not AS close to her) and she was invited because I know it would really hurt her if she found out her ex husband was invited but she wasn’t. But my friend’s dad has been like a second father to me. I would hate to not invite him and I know he would be heartbroken to be left out.
But she is refusing to back down from this and is making things so frustrating and complicated. I’m sorry they didn’t get an invite to my friend’s wedding but i think it’s awful she’s basically trying to punish my friend’s parents out of spite.
I’m so frustrated and I just don’t know how to resolve this situation.
Do I make my stand, say it’s our wedding, and invite them then have her fight me about it(and potentially make a scene during all the wedding related events) or do I simply leave them off the list, make my excuses(we had to cut our budget, yada yada, yada) and deal with their hurt feelings?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Are you paying, or is your mom? If you are, then your mom really doesn’t get a say. Each wedding is different and she has no right to (like you said) punish you/your friend’s parents over a perceived slight. If she is paying… well it’s still lame, but it’s her money…
Post # 4
@lolot: +1. This is what I was going to say too.
Post # 5
You just tell your mother, that the next time she gets married, she can invite anyone she likes, but this time you’ll decide who is or is not invited…if this is important to you, it’s important…being invited to weddings is not a tit for tat type of thing and while I understand that NOTHING irritates people more than NOT recieving an invitation, she’s just going to have to be gracious on this issue, since the alternative includes her throwing a public fit over something that is silly, small and in the past anyway.
Post # 6
If you think it’s awful how your mom is acting. Invite them! That’s too bad your mom spent money in hopes of getting an invitation, but you cannot control that. If she wanted it to be a gift, she would not have expected anything in return.
Post # 7
It’s a mixture of people paying. We’ve included our own money here and there. My parents wanted to chip in and included a portion. My Fiance mother wanted to chip in and included a portion. Even my FI’s aunt and uncle wanted to partake so they gave all the money for our DJ.
It’s very much been a community wedding as far as money goes. My parents have put more money on the venue whereas my Mother-In-Law has put more money on the things like flowers, centerpieces, invites, etc. We’ve put our money on the photographer and videographer.
I understand it hurt her feelings but it’s also hypocritical because she constantly rants about people trying to invite themselves to our wedding.
I feel like she thinks not inviting my friend’s parents will somehow hurt my friend and therefore “get back” at her for not being invited but in reality all it will do is hurt my friends parents.
Post # 8
So I just talked to my dad and he kind of shut her down a bit.
Basically he said this “Yeah it would have been nice to get an invite but I wasn’t really phased by it that much. I was under the impression it was strictly family and super close friends. None of the other parents of her friends got an invite, right?”
To which I replied, “No none of them did. It was a super strict budget an person limit.”
My dad then turns to my mother and says “Well I don’t see what the problem is, it’s her wedding. I’m just the stupid dad though. If this is an issue then you guys need to fight it out amongst yourselves because that’s all the input I have.”
lol Way to hang in there dad.
I know it sucks not being invited to a wedding but I mean geez she’s blown this WAY out of proportion. And to top it off even though she gave me money initially for my friends shower I turned around and gave her that money back. So it’s not like she REALLY gifted anything to my friend(she didn’t even help me set up for it)
I just don’t understand how she can be this petty NOW, six months away from the wedding when all this time she’s been pretty cool about everything and has even stood up for me when people try to bully me into giving them an invite or bully me for the choices we’ve made for our wedding.
addendum: Not to mention we’ve cut out coworkers and what not of ours just so our parents can invite a couple of their friends to this shindig but I can’t invite people I want.
Post # 9
@SweetHoneyBee: I feel for you! My mom got all out of wack about my FI’s parents being on the invitations because they weren’t paying for the venue, but in reality are putting in just as much money as my parents. It was hard and at first I gave in & said fine then they won’t be on the invitations. But the more I thought about it the angrier it made me til one day i snapped and told her “They’re going on the invitations, they’re my in-laws, and they are helping US out by paying. It’s my wedding.” She didn’t talk to me for like two days, but got over it and now she is buddy buddy with Future Mother-In-Law whom she didn’t like for the longest time.
Stand your ground, trust me, it will work out!!!!! I have to stand up to Future Mother-In-Law bc she wants girls that used to like Fiance there so they can meet guys because they missed out on him? What? Not happening! And that’s been an issue with us as well!
Post # 10
@futurepilotswife_: I put my friend’s parents on the printed version of the guest list and brought ot to family dinner with my parents my Fiance stepmom and dad, and my Fiance mom. Everyone looked at the guest list and said it looked great and my mom never brought up my friend’s parents. I hoped she’s just accepted it. They’re getting an invite and that’s just how it is.
Post # 11
@SweetHoneyBee: Hopefully she has cooled down a bit and realizes that she was wrong! I hope there isn’t any more drama.