Post # 1
Hello Bees! Here is a question I’ve been pondering for some time: When you have a family group of adult siblings, is it rude to invite only one or two of the group?
In case I’m not explaining myself very well, my cousins are Abby*, Betty* and Cheryl*. I keep in touch with Abby and Betty and their families regularly through Facebook and holiday cards, but have no contact with Cheryl (there’s no bad blood or anything like that, she’s just nearly 20 years older than I, so we didn’t grow up together). Is it rude to invite only Abby and Betty to the wedding? How about Abby and Betty’s teenage children (my 2nd cousins)?
I certainly don’t want to offend anyone, especially Cheryl, or Abby, Betty, and Cheryl’s mom, my Aunt (dad’s sister), but given that we don’t have a relationship, I’m not sure that’s even a concern?
Post # 2
A lot of the answer depends on the size of your wedding.
If it is going to be 75 +/- or bigger, than I say invite Cheryl and her SO. For the teens, it depends on who else you are inviting and if you are inviting their children.
Who knows, this may even be the start of a closer relationship with Cheryl.
Post # 3
handa: Yes, I should provide a little context! We would like to have a guest list comprised of those we consider our ‘nearest and dearest’. Ideally, that would mean fewer than 50 to 60 guests.
I should also note that my father is one of seven children, and SO’s father is one of five, so there shouldn’t be a situation in which only one person in particular should feel excluded (“Why was EVERYONE else invited, but I wasn’t?!”)
Edited to Add: Our guest list is, of course, influenced by our budget, as well as the capacity of our location.
Post # 4
I would not invite the 2nd cousins, I would invite Cheryl though. It is very likely she will decline, so all it’s costing you is the price of the invite/stamps for a little good karma.
Post # 5
If it is at all possible, I would invite all the siblings. If it’s a smaller wedding I would only invite the second cousins I was close to.
Post # 6
With only a total of 50 guests, I’d say to invite Abby and Betty only.
And I wouldn’t add 2nd cousin’s/teenagers, until you know what the size of your guest list is, without them. My daughter’s venue charged the full adult rate for teenagers, so she did 21 and up.
Post # 7
Mrs.BigBear: I wouldnt … But iam being very strict with a budget too ( I also want it to be 50-60 guests no children other then my nephew by which i feel like a second mom to him even my half brother who is 9will not be invited). I would think in this day and age people understand the absorbent costs of a wedding and to invite the whole “village” is not feasible for most couples who are footing the bill alone. If feelings get hurt see if a post wedding bbq can take place … It would be a good time to show your honeymoon photos to the family and friends who didn’t not get to come.
Post # 8
I have a lot ot cousins who I am not close to. We had about 80 ppl come to the wedding out of 110 invited. I didn’t invite all my first cousins… just the ones I’m closer to anx wanted to be there. They are all adults (middle aged and almost retired in some cases) and it’s my opinion that adults should be able to deal with not being invited. As far as I knoe nobody was put our or complained. In one case I invited a second cousin and not her father who is my first. That second cousin is my age and we grew up together. My parents who older when they got married and had me snd I was jn my 30s when I got married. Don’t invite anyone assuming they won’t come because they just might.
Post # 9
Abby and Betty without their children. It is not rude, IMO. I tried my best to invite every sibling and to me it was a waste of time, like ony husband’s side there were some who never did RSVP or declined or the ones who came are not part of my life, so if you are looking to be surrounded only by people with some meaning in your life you have to cut it off somewhere, right?
Post # 10
I’m gonna say its YOUR wedding day so invite who you want to share your special day! Why invite Cheryl if you haven’t seen in her in years and will probably not have much to say to one another? Especially since you are trying to have a small wedding, just invite those closest to you. People get too worked up about wedding invites, in my opinion. Not you but hearing about others experiences I mean. Its nice that you want to keep the peace but weddings are expensive and keeping the guest list small is the best way to cut costs. Go with your gut and invite the people you want. Good luck!
Post # 11
Thank you, Bees. You’re all fantastic. I think that, after the “proper” guest list is made and we have solid numbers on all those we definitely want to be there with us, we’ll see what numbers we have to work with and then move from there. It’s not as if I don’t want Cheryl to be there, I’d be happy if she could make it, I just don’t want to lose a dear friend/family member’s spot for the sake of “sets”. 🙂