(Closed) Guests Oblivious to Etiquette

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I had the same thing happen. One of FI’s friends didn’t send back his reply card, so Fiance called him to find out if he was coming after the deadline and he said “oh yeah I’ll be there and I’m bringing my new girlfriend.” We invited all SOs regardless of the newness of the relationship so we would have invited her had we known he was dating someone so it wasn’t that big of a deal but first you don’t even bother to send the reply card back and then you add a +1 you didn’t get? Not cool.

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is VERY true.. one of my friends from a LONG time ago posted pics of herself at another girl’s wedding and she was wearing *gasp* an all white dress!  LoL.  I looked through her other pics of this wedding and spotted at least 2 other females wearing solid white dresses.  I was offended FOR the bride.  But you’re right.. guests are often clueless about this stuff.

Post # 5
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think a big part of this is that these are guys. They just don’t think about this kind thing. It doesn’t dawn on them that it would increase you head count by bringing their girlfriend. Of course, I’m sure that there are women that would do the same thing. It would be nice if they ask about bringing a plus one instead of just assuming.

Post # 6
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Im so glad Im not the only one feeling this way. We scrutinize over the guest list, ommitting work colleagues and old friends just to fit the venue or budget. Then, in their place, uninvited casual gf’s show up? People are certainly clueless.

Post # 7
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My cousin brought her new boyfriend and two of her friends to the wedding. Really?! Since when do you need a posse to attend a wedding?

Haha it didn’t really matter in the long run, but it is funny how we obsess over doing the “right thing” and other people don’t even give it a second of thought. 

Post # 9
Member
46467 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m totally not surprised at the guests who do not know or follow the rules of etiquette. There are as many bees on here who think etiquette is old- fashioned and have no intention of abiding by the “rules”, as there are who obsess about it.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It is possible the one who has received the save the date was trying to figure out a polite way to let you know that they were in a relationship, so that you would be able to invite the girlfriend should you wish to?  Frankly, it seems pretty reasonable way to clue you in as to the status of their relationship.  Also, you say it’s a “new” girlfriend, but I do have to say there are times when it’s just “newly made public to the family” – my FI’s family discovered last year that two cousins (brothers) had been dating women for SEVEN and two years respectively.  Needless to say, these guys were not the most talkative folks, so the entire family was apparently listening in, quite excited as I got some info out of them.  (Yes, you can argue if it’s not public, then they don’t need to bring her, I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.)

Nothing against the “married, engaged, 1 year, living together crowd, but the only “married or enaged” crowd always bugs me, I have to say.  For me, we’re inviting everyone in a relationship at the time the invites go out.  If someone ends up in a relationship before the wedding, we’ll try to accommodate them.  That’s because I traveled to so many weddings, and it would have been pretty annoying to have paid for a plane flight, two hotel nights, and a gift, and not be permitted to bring along my then boyfriend to share the trip, which is lengthy and tiring cross-coasts.  I understand not inviting those dating only a few weeks, but unless you are having a 25 person wedding, to not invite my (then) boyfriend of 3 years that I live with, I would find to be somewhat insulting of my relationship.  (Not to mention, if you read Apasia’s comments on the subject, ettiqutte suggests that you are to assume folks that live together are “secretly married” and thus ought to have an invite.)

Post # 12
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m in the same boat. We sent our invites out a week ago and we’ve already received RSVPs for an additional 7 guests that were not invited (two “dates” and 5 children).  I really don’t think people understand etiquette or they truly just do not care.  It’s EXTREMELY frustrating.

Post # 13
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have a question.On the rsvp card could u put a note saying only people whos name is on the invite can come,please no extras???

Im wondering that for myself.lol

I kind of REALLY want to do that!!!!

Is that TOO rude??lol

Post # 14
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Earlybride:  I honestly debated doing something similar.  I was also going to add, “Please RSVP by (date).  If we do not receive an RSVP from you, there will not be a seat available for you.”

Obviously, you can’t do that … but boy, I sure would have liked to!

Post # 15
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I thought first cousins and other immediate family automatically got a +1. Or am I incorrect in this? If I am someone please correct me.

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