(Closed) Guests on Escort Cards

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If I was acommpanying someone to a wedding as a guest, I would not be offended to see “Guest of…” on a card. I don’t think its bad etiquette, but I could be wrong. You shouldn’t have to chase down your friends for univited’s name. Its more work.

Post # 4
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

I think if you invite someone with a guest, you should find out the name. If someone you did not invite is bringing a guest and you are letting them, I would probably just put and guest.

Post # 5
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If you’re tolerating the guest (allowing the guest) then you should go all the way and get the name for the escort card. Seems (in my mind anyway) like your friend could take it like a passive agressive swipe if other people’s guests have names but hers doesn’t?

Post # 6
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree that you should find out the guest’s name since you are allowing the invited guest to bring someone (even though you didn’t invite the second person). If you really don’t want them to bring the guest, then you should tell them! 

Post # 7
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee

It is delightfully gracious of you, to yield to others’ forwardness and make uninvited guests feel welcome; instead of standing up for your rights and notifying them that they are unwelcome. There is nothing wrong with standing up for your rights, of course, but the inbetween half-measures of letting them come and then treating them resentfully as interlopers is a common unpleasant compromise. I like it that you are whole-hearted in your response even if it isn’t the most common response.

Escort cards are traditionally distributed by the footman who opens the door: they are in little envelopes with the gentleman’s name on the outside, and on the inside is a card bearing the name of the lady he is to escort in to dinner, and the number of the table where they will sit. So there is normally only one escort card per couple. Traditionally, escort cards go along with the high-formal custom that couples are always *separated* at the dinner table: each lady is escorted in to dinner, and sits beside, a gentleman OTHER than her spouse; and the whole purpose of the escort card is to let the gentleman know WHOM he is supposed to escort. The idea has been co-opted for weddings simply to let people know what table they are at, since most modern middleclass folk have never contemplated sitting away from their spouse at a formal dinner. When used this way, they are hardly ever placed in envelopes, and (since the inherent sexism of formal social forms is shunned by most people nowadays) it is fine to address the card to a lady rather than a gentleman.

So, since you aren’t following formally correct form anyway, simply put the principal guest’s name, and “party of #” or “and Guest(s)” on the card.

Place cards are more of a problem — those are the ones that go on the table itself to show people where to sit. You need one per person if you are using those. The most gracious thing to do in that case is to have your guest-book attendants equipped with some bland place-cards, a pen, and a list of the mystery-guests that you are expecting, and have them quickly write out a place card and slip it onto the correct table, as the folk who are bringing these guests arrive and sign the book. You’ll need an assistant for your guest-book attendant if there are too many of these, but that is what teen-age cousins are for.

Post # 8
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wait, by uninvited guest you mean that you invited someone with a plus one?  In that case, shouldn’t they list the guests name on the RSVP card? If they didn’t I would call and find out what the guest’s name is.

Your post sounds like your invited guest just decided to bring someone.  In that case, you are very kind to worry about the escord card. I’d be calling them to tell them, sorry, you can’t bring someone!

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If they are uninvited then their name shouldnt be on the escort card because they should be coming at all!! lol

Post # 10
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with bells.  But frankly, while I think you should find out all attendees’ names to put on the escort card, if someone who did not get a +1 RSVPs with a guest, I would call them and tell them there was a misunderstanding and that you do not have room for another person.  And if someone just randomly shows up with a guest that you didn’t know about, then they wouldn’t have an escort card at all because you didn’t know they were coming.

If you’re being accommodating to your rude guests who added in their dates, then I’d call them and ask the name.

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