(Closed) Guests RSVP'd yes but wrote in their child?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@KHR20507:  Oh man, thats a hard one.  We arent having kids at ours either well none under 5. I would get my Fiance to talk to them. It could be that they knew but they couldnt find anyone to baby sit the youngest.  I would see what their reasoning is before I made an decisions on how to handle it.  I can see where other guests would question it too.  Hope you find a solution everyone is ok with.

Post # 4
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you have to call them and clarify…awkward, but it’s what’s got to be done.

Post # 5
Member
13290 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had the same situation, and I felt incredibly rude going back to a couple traveling in quite a distance and telling them not to bring their child.  It boiled down to the fact that the couple was very important to me and I wanted them there, that I let them bring the child.  (FWIW – they were from another country, so it’s a bit different telling someone to leave their child in a different country…)

If other guests will cause an issue, I would have your Fiance address it with the couple.  But just know, it may change their RSVP.

Post # 6
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@KHR20507:  It may be a situation where they’ve never left their 2 year old over night before, and don’t feel comfortable doing it, so they feel they need to bring them. I’d get your Fiance to call and discuss the situation with them. Perhaps you can help them to find a local babysitter to stay with the child at their hotel? Usually people are pretty understanding, and most would prefer not to have to worry about their child at a wedding, so they will likely be up for suggestions.

Post # 7
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KHR20507:  look, I feel very strongly that it is extremely rude for guests to add others on an RSVP who were not included on the invite. Just call them up and say that you are very sorry but you are not able to accommodate any children at your wedding, but you hope that they (the parents) will still be able to come and celebrate. 

Post # 8
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 

@KHR20507:  I also feel that these parents having to make other arrangements for their two year old is NOT your problem. People are given plenty of notice for a wedding, and to make the proper arrangements for child care. This is the parents’ problem, do not make it yours. 

Post # 9
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KHR20507:  Yes, your fiance should tell them the 2 year old can’t come.

Since the 9 year old isn’t coming, they’ve evidently tried to find a sitter but can’t find one for the 2 year old. So there’s a good chance that they will say they can’t come at all. (Or perhaps the husband only will come).

I’ve been in this situation (as a parent coming from interstate) and we did a “tag team” where Darling Husband, my mother, and I took turns babysitting my kids in a room down the hall. But if it had been a friend’s wedding (rather than my brother’s) we probably would have declined the invite.

Post # 11
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KHR20507:  Well you can blame your parents, or at least share the blame around. “No other kids are invited. My parents are paying a large portion and have insisted no kids. Other guests with kids have made arrangements.” If they respond, “We’ve tried everything and just can’t get a sitter” then your fiance can say, “Well I’m sorry but that’s how the wedding is.”

How far do they have to travel? If it’s a very long journey (like a multi-day interstate trip, like it was in my situation) then you might be able to negotiate something with your parents. (But I doubt it’s that, if the 9 year old isn’t coming). If it’s just an overnight trip for them, I must say I’m a bit surprised they can’t find a sitter.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yeah, unfortunately you guys are going to have to call and just say, “I’ sorry but we’re not having children at the wedding. I know it’s a bit tougher since you’re from out of town and we’re sorry about that; we’d be more than happy to recommend a babysitter if you’d like, but we understand if you can’t make it.”

Post # 13
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would ask my wedding planner to do it, but maybe your maid of honor or something so it’s an impartial party. Just have them say sorry there’s no room. Or send them an email. 

Post # 14
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Adding a name with no explanation whatsoever is so rude! They’re clearly hoping you’ll be too embarassed to call them on it but you *must* do this – even if their 2 year old does end up coming they have to know they can’t just add guests to the RSVP without even having the courtesy to call ahead first. I’m sure your parents could be talked around (if you want to that is) but either way your Fiance should call and speak to them first to clarify why they have added this name to the RSVP. Make them squirm a bit and then if you decide you can fit their child in then fine, but make them explain first!! 

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