(Closed) Guests RSVPing random add ons that weren't invited?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

KayKPhillips:  Make those phone calls!! You have every right to, that’s so ridiculous!!

Post # 17
3178 posts
Sugar bee

KayKPhillips:  Make those phone calls! How rude of those people. 

Post # 18
963 posts
Busy bee

If you talk to them I’m sure they’ll understand. They can’t argue with you – it’s your event. We didnt’ have anyone pull something like this, but we did have a friend say his girlfriend couldn’t come so he would bring his sister instead – Darling Husband nicely told him that the invitation was for his fiance and not his sister (who we’d never even met).  He didn’t argue back.

Just be nice and firm about it and I’m sure it will work out.

Post # 20
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

KayKPhillips:  Good for you sticking to your guns! I get personally urked for people when they say that people added to their guest list and then they do NOTHING about it! You are not a doormat!

Post # 21
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney


KayKPhillips:  Just because people do it all the time doesnt make it right. We are being very firm about who is invited and who is not. Because we are paying I can scream hella no to add ons which makes me pleased 😀

Post # 22
207 posts
Helper bee

That is a bit rediculous but people will always do it!

I once added my now Fiance to my RSVP to my cousin’s wedding last year. I was going to just RSVP no, but my mom and my grandma told me to just RSVP for 2. I was pissed when I got the invitation because I had lived with fiance at that point for almost 3 years, we were (and still are) TTC and discussing marriage and cousin knew this.  I wouldn’t have been so miffed if she wouldn’t have invited my sister’s boyfriend ( and baby daddy)! She never said anything to me.

Post # 23
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ugh, something I experience and know all to well post our wedding ~ We gave everyone that had a spouse, common law or even girlfriend/boyfriend a +1, but if they were single, we just invited them.  We had at least 8 guests who just added a plus one to their invite (and similar to you not even just a ‘date’, their daughters, kids …), and 2 other guests call/text to ask if they could bring someone.  Most of the guests who just tacked on a plus one were our parents guests, and they just thought it was funny ~ we didn’t and it almost put us over our limit.  In the end it worked out, but I guess some people assume that you get a plus one to a wedding for some reason ~ I don’t understand or agree.

In your case, I would definitely nix the grandkids add on – that’s not even remotely close to okay – especially if it’s going to put you over your number of guests

Post # 24
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

KayKPhillips:  as a wise woman once said, being polite is not being a pushover. Tell them the invite was just for them and not their grandkids but you hope they will still come!

Post # 25
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is why we used a wedding website for our RSVPing. They enter their name and the appropriate guests attached to them are the to RSVP for. For example. A solo guest can only RSVP for themselves, not add names or a plus one, pretty crystal clear that way! (Not that it has stopped people from complaining about our adult only reception!!!)

good luck, and set them straight


You can’t make everyone happy so you may as well make you and your hubby happy

Post # 26
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

KayKPhillips:  That is insane! I would NEVER be so presumptuous as to add someone to an RSVP! What are people thinking? You’ve already got two people on the invite that’s more than enough.

Post # 27
280 posts
Helper bee

I would call them immediately (or send them a letter if your mother won’t give you their phone number) and let them know that they cannot bring their grandchildren.

Post # 28
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m going to try to avoid this by addressing the invitations to all who’re invited (Jonny, Sally, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith etc).

You’re within your rights to refuse to add them to the guest list. Explain that you had a strict guest list and you can’t accommodate more.

Post # 29
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Totally agree with PPs. This is not “OK” it’s totally rude!! We had some peolpe do it (but for the engagement party not for the wedding luckily). The engagement party was in my Mum and Dad’s back yard so nothing big, we invited my husbands cousin and his wife (but not their 2 kids – just because if we invited EVERYONES kids there wouldn’t be room) and they added their names in biro to the invite before they sent it back… Things like that REALLY annoy me because it’s like people feel they have a sense of entitlement to decide who you are inviting to YOUR wedding! I don’t have kids right now, but I sure as hell won’t be throwing any fits if my kids yren’t invited to a friends wedding… cue babysitter it’s their choice!!

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