(Closed) Guests skipping the ceremony, RSVPing for the reception?!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I would uninvite them, they were rude as hell and I’d have no qualms about throwing the disrespect right back! If they can’t let my wedding be a priority 1 day of the year, how supportive of my marriage at they? They dont deserve a free meal.

snowysnowybee:  

Post # 32
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

WTF? You won’t even notice if they are there or not. Who cares? You have no idea what their reasons are – maybe they don’t want to sit outdoors, maybe they have prior commitments that conflict with your ceremony. They don’t owe you an explanation. You can’t uninvite them, that’s insane. Just graciously thank them for coming to the reception and call it a day. 

Post # 34
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I have to admit I’m kind of surprised to find out that it’s considered rude. A friend of mine invited me and another friend to her wedding once, but we skipped the ceremony and went to the reception. It was pretty far, there was a time gap inbetween the ceremony and reception, and there was a conflict that I can’t quite remember right now. But it worked out because on the day of the wedding, both my then-boyfriend-now-fiance and my friend fell ill. We all went anyway, but then I had to drive them both home early because they were getting sicker and sicker as the night went on. 

We’re having a civil ceremony and I’m actually glad that not a lot of people can come. It’ll be an intimate affair and everyone else can just celebrate at the reception. Culturally it also makes sense for us. I’m Chinese and the reception is where everyone comes together to celebrate over a meal. It’s a family affair. The ceremony feels more like a private affair that I don’t really need to share with every single person in my life. But that’s just me.

Post # 35
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

Wow – I never knew that it was considered rude to not attend the ceremony and go to the reception. I’ve been to a lot of weddings with my fiance and we’ve always skipped it and went to reception. The one wedding he was in, I didn’t go as I didnt know the couple or anyone who would be there. I feel a ceremony should have the people you are extremely close with, not just your co-workers and their plus ones.

but this is def something for me to think about for next wedding

Post # 36
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like they may have some social time conflicts, but maybe they just don’t find your wedding to be high priority. As you said, they don’t even know you. Perhaps they think your wedding is a casual, drop-in affair. Unless you want to come off as bridezilla, I think you should just let it go. If they are that busy, they might end up not even showing up at all anyway. Wedding planning is stressful! I hope it all works out for you. 

Post # 37
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel very sorry for OP.  The reception is supposed to be the thank you for coming to the ceremony – at least that is the standard line on WeddingBee.  I think it is exceedinlgy rude to come to reception and not ceremony.   If the wedding is not that high a priority for a guest, they should decline both ceremony and reception.  OP is NOT.NOT.NOT a bridezilla.  Nothing she can go do, but it stinks when people just want a meal, and don’t consider the wedding a high priority — the answer is politley delcine.  If I were a mom or Mother-In-Law who insisted on any of these ingrates being invited, I would be mortified.   If I were bride, when doing seating, anyone who didnt consider the ceremony a priority would not be seated at a premo table.  

Post # 38
Member
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

These aren’t even the OP’s guests. They’re friends of her parents and she’s never even met them. She wouldn’t even know if they just skipped the ceremony and didn’t show up. And for all anyone knows, they are skipping the ceremony because they consider it too personal a moment and assume the op doesn’t want them intruding, or because the op’s parents said it would be an “intimate” ceremony.

Seriously, its probably smart to hold off iudgment till she is able to get more info from her parents.

Post # 39
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

There are people only coming to the reception at mine, but its a Friday wedding (early evening).  Im still a little bitter about it because its almost like they are telling me, hey I want to come to eat all the food and drink, but I wont attempt to attend the part of the day that actually matters.  Some of these posts made me feel a little better (this is more common than I thought) and as another poster mentioned you probably wont even notice they arent in the seats during the ceremony.

I would be a little irritated considering its a Saturday wedding if they dont have a good excuse, but dont let it ruin your day!

Post # 40
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

snowysnowybee:  Wow, those are terrible excuses. I could see someone needing to miss the ceremony because of work or something, but personally, I think they should have asked you if it was okay to come to the reception later, and when to show up. If you’re doing dinner service, how do they even know when to be there so as not to throw it off?

Post # 41
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

beebee1983:  The Bride most certainly does NOT Have to thank them for coming to the reception.  She can ignore them if she wants.  

Post # 43
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I always thought the ceremony is the most important part.  I can understand some circumstances like work or handicap that someone else said.  One time I was invited to 2 weddings in one day.  I was able to attend both ceremonies but only one reception (I went to first known invite and closest friend) and explained to the other I couldn’t make the reception.  I thought making most ceremonies was best case scenerio.

Post # 44
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

i am with you, it does seem a bit weird/strange and a little bit rude since the important part of the day is the actual joining of two lives to one. but oh well, let it be. feed em well and keep rolling.

Post # 45
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

snowysnowybee:  This is VERY common in my community. I was not expecting all my guests to RSVP to my ceremony and it’s at the same place as the reception. I would rather have a small and intimate ceremony rather than a big one anyways. My wedding has apprx. 225 guests and there will probably only be 20-30 people at my ceremony. I don’t find it rude, I think they have the option. Regardless, they are giving you a gift anyways.

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